By theseustoo

Loreen just ‘happened’ to be waiting for Swannee as he came off duty for his lunch-break; a creature of habit, he always sat at the same table. She sat down opposite him just as he seated himself and he thought it would be impolite to reject her company by moving to another table; Swannee was nothing if not a gentleman.

He smiled politely at Loreen and hoped she wasn’t going to make ‘small talk’… he wasn’t much good at small talk. Quickly he filled his mouth strategically with a piece of steak large enough to choke a saltwater crocodile and set to work chewing on it, looking all around the room as he did so in order to avoid having to look, and perhaps appear to stare, at Loreen or her remarkable cleavage, which she seemed to be perpetually inclined to display to its best advantage by leaning forward at just the right angle… But in any case, he thought to himself, why bother with hamburger here when there’s fillet steak at home. He knew the girls liked to tease him because of his unlikely reputation for marital fidelity; yet they always found he was easily able to resist all their teasing, no matter how provocative; if he even deigned to notice it at all.

While he was looking around the busy canteen, however, he failed to notice the small gelatin capsule that Loreen dropped into his black coffee, or even that she added sugar and stirred it for him.

Loreen then waited patiently as Swannee chewed his steak and eggs with chips and salad; stopping only occasionally to take a swig of coffee. As he finished his meal he realized three things, firstly that he no longer had any excuse to avoid talking to Loreen; secondly that he no longer wished to avoid looking at her cleavage and thirdly that the latter no longer reminded him of camping holidays in the hills with the cricket team. Another realization was a certain stirring in his loins and an irresistible urge… Loreen saw the look of unadulterated lust on Swannee’s face and merely smiled provocatively, leaning forward as far as she could, and said, “Hellooooooo… tiger!”

Ignoring his apple pie and ice-cream desert Swannee lunged forward at the delectable strumpet he now saw in front of his fevered eyes; he grabbed Loreen’s hand and dragged her away from the prying eyes of the rest of the canteen’s customers and through the kitchen, right past the astonished chefs and kitchen-hands, and into the large pantry at the rear of the kitchen, slamming the door shut behind them as he impaled her against the pantry wall…

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Harry the ambulance-man pushed Catherine, on a gurney, into the staff canteen, but there was no sign of her husband there at all, although strange noises seemed to be coming from the direction of the kitchen. Never one for standing on protocol, Catherine hopped down off the gurney and hobbled towards the kitchen, in spite of Harry’s protests.

“Don’t worry Harry; I’ve been through this often enough before; I’ll know when it’s gonna pop!” Dubiously Harry let her go, but followed closely.

Strange noises, Catherine discovered, were indeed coming from the direction of the pantry at the rear of the kitchen… it almost sounded as if someone were in labor inside the pantry… curiosity kept her going now as she tentatively opened the pantry door, but the sight that met her eyes stopped her in her tracks.

It took her quite a long moment to assimilate the sight of her husband’s rear elevation, naked from the waist down apart from his socks, pounding into some tart whose fishnet-stockinged legs were still wrapped around his own legs and thrusting insistently. When the moment of assimilation had finally allowed her brain to comprehend what was actually happening she acted immediately, intuitively and instinctively:

Before she had settled down with Swannee, Catherine had toured Europe with Billy Smart’s Circus as the main attraction in a knife-throwing act. Her act’s novelty was that whilst dressed as a ‘knife-thower’s assistant’, she would turn the tables on the ‘knife thrower’, who was really just her assistant, and use him for a target, while he spun on the revolving backboard. The acts novelty combined with Catherine’s matrushka-doll figure and anthracite eyes to make the act immensely popular throughout Europe, especially in the Carpathians; until she eventually found the rapid turnover of assistants more than a little off-putting and decided to quit showbiz to marry Swannee, who appeared in her life whilst on a European vacation.

Inside the pantry door, on Catherine’s left, were several wooden blocks of the kind which contain a selection of very long, very sharp and very pointy chef’s knives. Swiftly grasping a knife from each block in either hand Catherine dexterously threw both knives into Swannee’s back; he jerked severely and grunted while his newfound sexual partner moaned in ecstasy each time as four more times Catherine’s expert marksmanship planted four more pairs of knives in her adulterous husband’s back!

How could he do this to her?! And to the cricket team?! After all these years and all these children together, he has to go and throw it all away for the sake of a quickie in the closet with some harlot?! As the final pair of knives sunk deep into her errant husband’s kidneys, and as he slowly collapsed backwards off his erstwhile paramour, into the arms of ‘La Belle Dame Sans Merci’, Catherine let out a terrifyingly blood-curdling scream as a huge contraction suddenly hit her. The baby’s head had not only instantly engaged, but had already forced its way out of her vagina to hang there dangling, visibly to Harry from the rear through the obligatory gap in her hospital robe, between her legs.

Thinking quickly, Harry grabbed a couple of serviettes from a shelf and laid them on a large silver platter… then he waited with his hands held underneath the baby’s head, ready to catch it when Catherine could no longer resist the urge to give it the final push it needed. After this he cut the cord with another sharp kitchen knife and tied off both ends with pieces of string which the chef used for tying up roasts. Just at this point the doctors arrived along with several nurses. One of the doctors administered a hypodermic sedative to Catherine, who was still screaming and clearly quite beside herself as Harry presented her with her new child on a silver platter; until, finally sedated, she allowed herself to slump into the nurse’s arms and let them take her away to a secure ward, where the police would be waiting to interview her as soon as she came round.

As luck would have it, Loreen found a convenient air-vent which she knew led outside the hospital building and took advantage of all the commotion, while everyone’s attention was focused on Catherine, to disappear; nobody had had a clear view of her face and the medicos had finally arrived to take care of the unfortunate Swannee; there was absolutely no reason, she told herself, why she needed to involve herself in this unfortunate affair whatsoever. She determined that she would be both shocked and stunned when she heard the news tomorrow morning when she arrived for work…

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