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It’s a Hung House

Dear Julia and Tony,

Hi. Hung One On here. Look, I’m a nothing, yeah that’s right, a nothing but I have this thing called a vote. You want to know me when the election comes around but after that you don’t. You just go and do what ever you or your party wants to do. Then you will turn around and tell me that what you are doing is good for me. Yeah, sure, I’ll take a pay cut and lose compo rights so some CEO can go out on ten million. Give us a break.

See I’m in a safe seat, the seat of Port Adelaide. The sitting member is Mark or Michael or Matthew Butler. This guy will get in no matter what. I can vote for Donald Duck however the Labour bloke will get in. The Butler bloke doesn’t speak, text, phone or email. Yes, he did send me a letter once, wow, I almost once saw him at the supermarket and apparently he didn’t see me once at the art gallery. Overwhelmed, yeah, right.

Look, I’m writing to you as the current leaders of the political forces in Australia. This is addressed to you but it’s to all Australian political leaders, both past and present, government and opposition, to all those narrow agenda senators that thought they could make a difference. This is not personal however I address my concerns to you.

Will you negotiate with me over my income tax? Lets face it, both of you sat down with the mining industry and compromised on a deal, didn’t you? So I want you to sit with me an negotiate a deal for me to pay an appropriate amount of tax. See I’ve paid tax for 30 plus years. I effectively pay your wage. In theory you are my employee.

As my employee I now direct you to do the following,

  • Increase the mining tax to 60% and if they don’t like lets get someone who does.
  • Lets fix these basic issues, hunger, poverty, homelessness and hope
  • Lets tax the zark out of the rich to pay for the poor just like Robin Hood
  • Introduce Industrial Manslaughter so any CEO that disobeys safety and kills a worker goes to jail
  • Stop taxing the poor. $6000 tax free, what a joke.
  • Turn the tap off that sucks the Murray
  • Abolish state governments – old world stuff no longer needed
  • Bring back the death penalty for fine defaulters
  • Introduce a 4 wheeled drive tax on all non-country vehicles to 5000 percent value of vehicle.
  • Make Corporate CEO’s take a non benefit salary and tax the crap out of them. Then lets see how good they feel about things.
  • Allow outlaw motorbike gangs to executed on sight
  • No to gay marriage – we don’t want to inflict the gay community with the problems of marriage, now do we!
  • Legalise drugs. Prohibition hasn’t worked. Let’s get it under control. Do you want your partner, child, family member or loved one to buy a drug made by a bikie in a backyard or what? Wouldn’t a pharmaceutical dose of heroin from a chemist be better then a money bag from a bikie?
  • Lets arm the whales so they can fight back

Bugger it, you lot. I’m coming to parliament, Hung’s Parliament, Vote One Hung Parliament.

Written and authorised by Pee Dant for Hung’s Parliament Canberra.