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Drinking Bacchus by Guido Reni (1575-1642)
“Why all this snow, father?” she asked, looking at the white shroud that had covered everything outside her window. “Why so much snow? Why such bitter cold?”
She shivered. Not only because of the cold outside but because of the cold in her heart, a cold that came with the thought that the white shroud she saw outside would one day be also her own shroud, covering her own grave.
Her husband, her new husband, rolled languidly on their bed behind her. He grunted a sigh of replete satisfaction, of contentment, happy with the night that had preceded and happier still with the day that he knew would proceed.
The fire was blazing in the hearth, radiating warmth and comfort throughout the enormous royal bedroom. It radiated certainty, safety, protection.
“Paris,” Helen called as soon as she heard his sigh.
“Yes, my sweet golden gift?”
Helen had to accept this label. Gift. After all, she was exactly that. A gift that the goddess Aphrodite had handed to Paris in exchange for him declaring her the one worthy of the title “most beautiful of all” and handing her the golden apple. Helen would have preferred the label ‘bribe.’
“Paris, how many brothers and sisters do you have?”
“Brothers and sisters? Why do you want to know that, Helen, my sweet golden gift? There are many of us.”
“Yes but how many exactly?”
Paris thought for a few seconds. “At the last setting of the dinner table, the chief of slaves shouted that there should be one hundred chairs set up for the king’s children. Yes, I do believe, that there are fifty men and fifty women of us. One hundred in total. Not all out of Hekabe’s womb, mind, but we are all of Priam’s seed.”
He jumped out of bed like a leopard at the scent of game and rushed over to her. He stood behind her, wrapped his arms around her slender waist and brought his smooth, shaven face close to hers. So smooth, it made Helen’s body tingle with desire.
“Why do you want to know?”
“It is Dmas today and I want to send gifts to all of them. What sort would they like, do you think? What would your parents like?”
Paris laughed
“Gifts? What more gifts would they want than the one they already have? Troy had never had a gift so precious as the one she has now! You, my darling are the gift that has satisfied them all. There is no other gift in the universe that they could wish now.”
“That’s not what your sister Cassandra thinks! She thinks of me as a curse!”
“Forget Cassandra. She is delusional. Thinks she’s a prophet! Now what is this Dmas you are talking about?”
“You don’t hold the mysteries of Dmas in Troy? But which of the gods is your protector then? Or don’t you have one?” In her heart of hearts she wished the answer was no. That no god protected this city.
“Apollo,” he answered.
“Apollo? Why him?”
Paris brought his face even closer to her and with his he turned hers towards the huge battlements. Enormous walls built of huge stones which no man could lift. Then he raised his hand and pointed at one of the towers.
“See those tall towers, those huge walls, darling?”
She nodded.
“They were built by Apollo. Apollo and Poseidon. They had angered Zeus for some reason or other and he, Zeus, sent them, shamed, here to served grandpa, Laomedon. They had to do whatever grandpa wanted. So he told them to build these walls. Huge, aren’t they? Impenetrable. Troy is unconquerable, my little gift! It is the safest land on land!”
The word, “unconquerable” tugged bitterly at Helen’s heart. Nine months in this land and with this man and she still could not erase the guilt of treachery, nor the love for her first and true husband, Menelaos, King of Sparta. Her love for her baby daughter would torment her for ever. She had still not managed to understand what had actually happened to her mind, to her heart, that day when Paris had snatched her hand and pulled her running to his ship. She remembered well, though, the feeling of exhilaration, of joy that had coursed madly through her veins. The feeling of anticipation for a new, more exciting life, somewhere else, with someone so young, so handsome, with one so much in love with her. Nothing else had mattered at that moment. She had allowed herself to be the captive.
Still, there’s no escaping the will of the gods, she kept telling herself. She must endure it. The words were like a nursery rhyme sung to send a child to the sweet world of oblivion.
“One hundred of you,” she said. “Goodness. This will need a great deal of thought!”
“And what do you Hellenes, do during this Dmas,” Paris asked, as he dragged her back into the warm bed. “Tell me!”
But it was a good hour before the Prince’s arms and legs, his every muscle, stopped their frenzied work so that Helen could begin talking again.
“Dmas is the day when we celebrate the birth of Dionysos.”
“You mean, Bacchus?”
“He is known by many names. Bromios, Lyaeus, Oeneus… lots of names. He is even called Enorches!”
They both burst into loud laughter at that.
“God with balls! What a name for a god, ey? So what happens on that day? Do you all give gifts to one another, balls and cocks?”
“His mother is –was- a mortal, Semele,” Helen continued, trying to keep some semblance of modesty in the conversation. “His father is also my own father, Zeus.”
“You are related?”
“In a way, yes. Semele was an unmarried virgin when Zeus went to her; my mother was not. I also have a mortal father-”
“Yes, I know, Tyndareus.”
“Anyhow, Zeus’ wife–”
“Hera-”
“Yes, Hera-”
“Your mother is Leda, right?”
How like a child this man was! Always interrupting, his mind constantly wandering, butterflying from one thought to another.
“Yes, Leda. Now Hera became very jealous–”
“Women! Mortals or gods, they’re all the same! Jealous harpies!”
She smiled.
“And men, mortals or gods, they too are all the same. Rapists!” But she didn’t allow Paris to continue with the contest. “Hera came down to Semele when Semele was pregnant with Dionysos and pretended to be a nurse. They talked and then Semele told Hera that the baby in her belly was fathered by a splendid god. By Zeus himself. ‘Zeus, a god?’ asked Hera spitting out a devious chuckle. ‘No, dearie, Zeus is no god, dearie. Why, ask him, right now, if you like, ask him to show you what he’s really like! Shout at the heavens! Call on him to come down now and show himself in all his godly splendour, if you like. Let’s see what he’s really like!”
It was just like telling stories to a baby, Helen, thought. Like the times when she was telling stories to her own daughter, Hermione. Her heart shed a tear.
“Go on,” said Paris, snuggling up to her, like a wide-eyed baby. She was certain he was about to put her nipple into his mouth and start suckling.
“Well,” she continued, “Semele did call out to Zeus. She asked him to prove to her that he was, indeed the glorious god that he said he was. And Zeus obeyed. Unfortunately, there was a problem and that was that when Zeus wants to show himself in all his splendour, he dresses himself up with all his thunderbolts and lightning rods and fire dashing everywhere–”
“Oh, no!” said Paris. “I know what will happen next!”
“Yes, Zeus came crashing down in all his flaming glory and Semele–”
“Was turned into a pile of smoking ashes. What about the baby?”
“Yes, poor Semele perished in the fire. Zeus quickly extinguished all the fires, got rid of his bolts and rods, ripped out the baby from Semele’s belly and flew off into the sky. Then, secretly, he sewed the baby, baby Dionysos, into his thigh and let him grow in there until he was ready to be born. That’s why Dionysos is known also by the name of ‘dimetor’ which means, ‘born of two mothers.’ Zeus was his second mother.”
“Hmmm! So what do you do during his festival?”
“Well, Dionysus in the god of wine, of the free spirit, of the deep desire, so…”
“You all get drunk and free?”
“We are always free but on that day we also get drunk and… even more free!”
“Huh?”
“So free that nine months later all the women give birth! Children of Dionysus, we call them. They are born in honour of a god.”
He rolled his soft body over hers.
“Merry Dmas,” he said.
Aha, it is to Bacchus,
A bugger for the bottle
And when it comes to taking the piss,
Not one can reach the throttle.
Bon Noel, ‘Mou.
Seasons grapings to you and the entire population of the ‘Moustery.
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And seasons gropings to all the Ms, too, Emms!
I always intend getting pissed at Xmas but the lady of the house won’t allow me further than just taking the piss. (I’m sure this sounds worse than it is!)
But I hope you have a splendid day with all the emlets and first and second mates, the cabin boy and the rest of your admirers and admired ones!
For us, even though both our darlings will be in Japan, we’ll still have a good one because it’ll be the first Xmas my nephew will have with a fiancée. His house is being prepared as we’re spooking!
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Actually, Vivie, the “original” doesn’t have anything to do with Dmas. It’s just another episode in the long saga and the conversation between them is about other matters. I thought I’d do a re-write to make it seasonal -you know, inject the turkey with a dose of ouzo… sort of.
And it’s over 5000 words… just that episode alone. So, I just don’t know whether it will see the light of day, or like my other efffing effforts it’ll occupy space in my bottom drawer… or my bottom’s drawers even!
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Gods can fornicate. They’re only imaginary…Noble Greeks ? Ok I suppose so, it is Christmas after all.
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The prurient bits would never have been allowed during the Justice Frankfurt period dealing with literary works deemed to over-excite people. He had a test which became known as the ‘”Justice Frankfurt obscenity test”. At some stage he was given the task in defining the work of Phillip Roth’s Portnoy’s Complaint obscene or not.
He would be given time to read the book back in ‘Chambers’ and if the ‘angle of his excitement’ was more than 45degrees (to his thighs) the book was banned and declared obscene. Justice Frankfurt found it not to be obscene. However, rumours have it that his Honour found the excitement to be too much alright and had a quick relief in his wig, no doubt getting the idea from Portnoy’s visit to the cinema…………having done the same… but deposited in his hat…remember?
Well done Ato. The memories came flooding back.
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Thanks for that background to censorship, Gez. I remember getting a bit more than 45 degrees when I read Portnoy’s… more like 90 degs. But mostly because I hadn’t read anything from America that did this. Zola’s Nana and, say Germinal, however, which I’ve read when I was younger than 12 (and re-read in English when I was about 15) certainly had my hormones twirling in a drunken daze.
Between Zola and Roth -and a couple of male teachers back then- I had become a manhood initiate!
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Now back to cooking the first dish in the Xmas dish: Lasagna a la Greek Peasant.
Very busy the next three days!
Turkey is over 7 kilos!!!!
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That Bacchus boy needs some disposable nappies on…all that urine is not good for the grapevine…
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I thought “nitrogenous waste,” as Jack Hibberd called it (Stretch of the imagination) was supposed to be good for the grapevine; after all, why do we say we get pissed when we imbibed some of its fruit juice?
Nah, Jack would know. He is, (or was at the time) after all, a doctor of medicine (clinical immunologist, in fact) and all things pertaining to lechery! Anyone read his “Memoirs of an old bastard?” Shocking critics at the time but I loved it. Loved everything he wrote in fact.
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I had to refresh my memory, googled JH and found out that he was born in WARRACKNABEAL…we have such nice names for places in OZ 🙂
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Quite so, H.
He lived in Abbotsford, not far from Balwyn where I lived at the time. Saw a great deal of him when I was translating his “Stretch of the Imagination.”
Lovely bloke. Taught me all about boxing and Les Darcy upon whom he was working at the time.
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Urea, is good for lemons. I’ve told you twice now!!
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Good to know, VL, I haven’t got a lemon tree, yet. Gerard used to piss on my Agapanthus plants on the farm ,straight from the veranda…once I caught him doing it with the three little grandsons in tow…I grabbed the the garden hose and watered all the four of them…plants as well…
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These are important skills that need to be taught Helvi.
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VL, urea smells like the strongest cat’s piss ever. I would stick with chook poo or well directed wee wee.
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VL we had a lemon tree when we grew up, next to the septic tank before the sewer was connected. Gave us very little. The sewer came along and the septic tank broken down and filled in. The lemon tree sprung to life giving us so many lemons we could have sold them, year after year after year.
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And this is the cleaned up version !
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‘Course it is, Vivie! You wanna see the original!
Mrs Ato was shaking her head as she was reading it. “I always knew you had a dirty mind, George…” etc, etc, etc! I retorted with, “I bet your writing would be even more lascivious.” Too which she retorted “but classier!”
I’m still trying to figure that one out.
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Wouldn’t mind seeing (reading) the original. There is not enough of this kind of fine writing these days. Keep up the good work and no more censoring, please.
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yo
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Ho…
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Where’s Agamemnon when you need him
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Old Aga got slaughtered by his missus, Klytaimnestra, a couple of years back. Then she go slaughtered by her son, Orestes a bit later on. Then Orestes was about to be slaughtered by the Furies but Apollo intervened. Then there was a big court case with Athena and eleven athenians as the jury and Orestes was declared innocent because the 12 jurors were split down the middle.
Or because Apollo, who acted as Orestes’ lawyer convinced Athena that, in marriage, the man is far more important than the woman because, after all, she, Athena wasn’t born of a woman but of Zeus. No woman was involved in her birth…
Anyhow that’s how we got the law (Romans took it up and then Westminster) that says if there’s a balance split then no guilt must be declared…
I better stop now…
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Now is Bacchus drinking or taking the the piss there, Ato.
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He’s being… ecstatic!
Never drank a drop in his life. Gods are only allowed to drink nectar. He was just the protector of drunks and pisspots. To spite his brother Apollo who was all about control of the mind. Intelligence, enlightenment and such bullshit. Bacchus thought all that crap. He was the god of the guts. Total freedom from everything, including the mind. Drink and be happy. Perambulate and copulate!
So, Dmas was a day -no a week- of getting down-and-rotten!
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This, incidentally is a condensed version of a chapter in my Trojan War series. Condensed by removing all the prurient bits. Didn’t want the piglets to get too hot under the collar -or elsewhere- during these religious days!
Happy Dmas everyone!
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