Editor’s note: Apparently the good father and Sonja, in the grip of confusion, went along to The Museum Of Erectile Dysfunction. It’s a “private” museum if you get my drift.
Well blow me down if, after passing through the Gallery of Male Heart Throbs and seeing Zac Efron and Daniel Craig clutching at their privates, Sonja didn’t have half her kit off before she noticed the cameras there for the opening of the “Erect” exhibition in the Gallery of Phallic Symbolism.
Story by Hung One On and Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula
The buxom voluptuous blonde sits on the side of my bed. She reaches around to undo her bra strap. Ring, ring, ring, ring. What the zark. It’s the phone ringing, just when I was getting to the good bit.
“Sandy, it’s the Bish here” says the voice.
“Gordon zarking O’Donnell Bish its only one thirty in the afternoon, I was having a sleep in” I reply rather pissed off.
“Look Sandy, you would sleep your life away if it wasn’t for me and the church of St Generic Brand” replies the Bish. Hmm, true, but what a great idea.
“Sandy, get down to the airport and hop a plane to London. I want you to see what is going on at the old limp dicks” barks the Bish.
“But Bish I know nothing about erectile dysfunction” I state not wanting to give away any trade secrets.
“The old limp dicks” says the Bish who as we know has a bit of a speech impediment when he has been smoking that stinking stuff from his pipe. “The sporting event you idiot, you know the one that comes around every four years and is full of drugs, money, women, parties, corruption and nationalism”. Hmm, sound like my kinda guys.
After many bribes and much negotiation I gain an interview with one of the most respected Australian TV journalists, with a great background in sport and really high credentials and credibility Sonia “Oh what a feeling” Kluger. I now interview her in my usual format.
FOW: Why thanks Sonia good to see you here at another Olympics, I mean your last performance was simply beyond words.
SK: Thanks Sandy it’s a pleasure.
FOW: So Sonia, what’s your take on the current games?
SK: Well Sandy this is the first truly modern games where some of the events have been altered to match modern society.
FOW: Can you give me some examples?
SK: Yes Sandy. The marathon is no longer the marathon. It’s now called the Hit, run and run. Chris Jongewaard is our representative in this category as he has the form to perhaps win gold.
FOW: Any more?
SK: Yes Nick DÁrcy should win gold for Smashing Someone Jaw why they Aren’t Looking. We are entering Jarrod Bannister in the Drink Driving event and Grant Hackett in the Get Pissed and Smash Your House Up event. All should win gold given their form.
FOW: So Sonia, do you have a sports background?
SK: Well Sandy my selection to commentate at Beijing was widely criticised however I have played some sport most of my life. When I was a young teenager my boyfriend and I would play Handball, however he always beat me and came first. As I got older my boyfriend and I moved on to a game called Givenhead. We would go parking and I would lower down to his groin and he would go, Hmm ,hmm, oh, yes, yes, oh, Oh my God, yes, baby, yes, oh my God etc., etc., but yes he would always come first. So I gave up sport after that and went to television where you know its just all pure bullshit, just like this interview.
I rest my case.