The Stuff of ‘love’.
Wife: “Could you please bring your plate back to the sink’? Husband: ‘I didn’t know I left the plate on the table’. Wife: ‘You did’. Husband: ‘Ok, next time I am around near the table I will take it to the sink’.
W: ‘Why didn’t you do it when you got up from the table?’ H: ‘I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking of the plate. ’W: You don’t have to ‘think’ of a plate, you just do it automatically.’’ It makes the place look so untidy.’ H: ‘Well, I think the stack with all those Cosmopolitan magazines on the floor look untidy also. ’W: ‘No, it doesn’t, one expects a room to have magazines’.
H: ‘Are we competing between a plate and magazines now?’ W: ‘Surely, you know that a plate with remnants of food is untidy?’H: ‘And, a stack of remnants of magazines is not?’ W: ‘No, it isn’t’. Go, and put the plate in the kitchen, now.’ Sigh! Husband gets up and puts the plate in the kitchen.
10, 30 PM in bed
W: ‘Gee, its cold tonight, is the window open?’ H: I don’t think so, but the bathroom door is open. Do you want me to check?’W: ‘Yes, check it, my feet are cold too’. H: ‘Oh, that’s no good; your feet too take a lot of time to get warmed up.’ ‘Did you wear your slippers?’ W: ‘No, I forgot.’ H: ‘Well, why don’t you put socks on during the night then?’ W: ‘Yes, I will’. H: ‘Where are they? I’ll get them for you.’ W: They are on the chair, next to the lounge.’ H: Ok, I’ll get them.’ W: Thanks.’
H: No, they are not on the chair. Now my feet are cold as well.’ W: ‘Perhaps you should put on socks as well.’ H:’ you think so, I have never slept with socks, they might make me feel sweaty.’W:’ I don’t know about your sweaty feet, but have you found my socks yet? H: ‘Yes, yes I am coming back to bed; here are your socks’. W: ‘Oh, not the grey ones, they are polyester, I want the woolen ones.’ H: ‘Do you think we will get this night sorted out?’
W: It depends very much on you finding the right socks for me!’ H: ‘I think it depends on finding your own bloody socks.’ H: Good night! W: Get f**k#d.
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
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MJ: What ? I can’t hear you.
FM: Are you deaf or something ?
MJ: Maybe, but there’s a lot of background noise, washing machine, drier in the laundry, water running, radio, kettle boiling and the aircraft noise ?
FM: Why don’t you get your ears checked ?
So I made an appointment with an audiometry specialist who said: Your hearing’s fine, you just have too much background noise.
FM: Why didn’t you bring the dried washing upstairs when you came ?
MJ: How was I supposed to know that I had to ?
FM: Because I asked you to.
MJ: I didn’t hear you. I was downstairs and out the back.
That was when FM started to phone me on my mobile from upstairs. Anything to avoid dragging the clean washing up the stairs.
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BigM: True love! LOL
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Sounds familiar:
Me: Can’t you hear that bloody oven bell??
Mrs M: I’m just in the bathroom.
Me: You shouldn’t use the timer on the oven if you are deaf, why don’t you answer me?
Mrs M: I didn’t hear the bell because I’m in the bathroom, can you switch it off?
Me: I’ll turn the bloody thing off, will I?
Mrs M returns.
Me: You’re bloody deaf, can’t you hear the bell??
Mrs M: I’m bloody deaf, why can’t you hear what I’m saying?
Me: I’ll give you bloody deaf, why don’t you stop mumbling!
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Sorry gez, but this one is funnier 🙂
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