A Christmas Booze-Up
Poetic Licensee Mr Neville Cole
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even that mouse;
(I’m pretty sure I’ve finally trapped that little bastard)
No stockings were hung, the pantry was bare,
No tree, no presents, not a light anywhere;
I was nestled with a book in my bed;
With sad visions of my damn Ex stuck in my head;
To hell with Christmas! Who needs this crap?”
I’ll just settle my brain with a long winter’s nap,
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I staggered quite mad,
What ever was happening, I knew it was bad.
The porch light was on but the glow was so poor,
I could not see even ten feet past my door
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a crazy old man with a six-pack of beer,
He was certainly tipsy but still lively and quick,
And I saw right away he was dressed like St. Nick.
More dancing than walking to my threshold he came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called out my name:
“Hey Buddy! Yo dude! Hey neighbor! On Vixen!
Open up, come and join us! We’re all out here blitzen!
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Through my side door that lunatic came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, quite fancy and fine
Except for the beer stains and splashes of wine;
A bundle of crap he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a hobo with his life in a sack.
He had a broad face and a big old beer belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old geezer,
And I laughed at him so hard, I snorted a sneezer;
With wink of his eye he threw down his stuff
And handed me a two cans; one wasn’t enough
We spoke not a word, there was no need to chat
It’s was time to get hammered and that was just that
Then plucking his hat off the top of his head
He slapped it on my damn noggin instead
Down by the park there arose quite a shout
All my neighbors were drunkenly out and about
Outside we stumbled, feeling more than all right:
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”