Based on trues stories by Vivienne
Hi all, Sandy here from Inner Cyberia. The Bish wants me to investigate this amazing, well actually incredibly amazing story that a bee’s lips misses someone’s finger and here I am in the four wheel drive heading way back out the back of out there somewhere, hmm.
Anyhoo I have brought along with me Nurse Barbara. “Say hello Barbara”
“Hello Barbara” says Nurse Barbara “been wantin’ to that one for years. Got any cigarettes, hidden stash, bottle, cash?” asks Barbara “Nah, didn’t think so, don’t seem the type.”
“I hope you can fix this poor person” I inform “it’s a lady called Viv, but it’s not Viv” I ramble.
“So, you purse carrying nancy boy, you are dragging me out here to see someone who was called Viv but then it changed and then it became Viv again! Crikey you have a nerve” completes Nurse Barbara.
“It’s Viv’s husband, not Viv.” I say.
“What’s his name ?”asks Nurse Barbara.
“Viv’s Husband, er, um, yeah that’s right, it’s Viv’s Husband for certain, yes his bee’s lips have missed someones finger” I confabulate wonderfully.
“Turn in here” points Nurse Barbara. Waiting at the gate is Viv and we pull over and get out and meet her.
“That bloody husband of mine let that bloody dog in the back yard and yelled ‘Nurse Barbara’ so we thought it must have been yours” says Viv.
“Nah not mine” says Nurse Barbara with typical nurse authority, “Oh and what happened to all of those things in the title, see read it at the top of the screen. It says Bee’s Lips Misses Finger.”
“That’s true, guess we got Nurse Barbara bit so far then it says ‘Bee’s Lips’. That’s right the script goes, well I looked at the dog, the dog wasn’t right, or left for that matter and her mouth was swollen bigger than big, right” continues Viv.
“Sit, stay” says Nurse Barbara to the cute little dog who is simulated on the right, opened up her magnificent and world famous chest and with her best and finest tweezers and skilfully removed a bee sting from the dogs lip.
“I’ll put Beechworth honey on those lips and they’ll be fine in half an hour. Fancy a sherry Nurse Barbara?” asks Viv. “The men can sit out side and scratch their nuts, lets face it, that’s all they are good at aren’t they, oh that and the reproductive organ” laughed the girls as they strolled arm in arm up to the veranda in the shade.
“Now what about Misses Finger?” asks Nurse Barbara reading the rest of the story title.
“Oh Mrs Finger, she lived down the road and round the corner. Moved on ages ago anyhoo a friend, who shall remain nameless, was doing a little chainsaw work for her. Due to a lack of attention said friend sawed off the said side of his right said forefinger.” say Viv, totally ignoring tense due to “said” overuse in the last sentence. Thankfully at this moment her cat and keyboard are no where in sight.
What would Nurse Barbara do, hmm thinks Viv– I don’t have a big enough bandaid. “Please sit down while I drive to town for some supplies.” Can’t you just hear the Benny Hill Theme Song playing here. At the chemist Viv found just the ticket – a couple of metres of continuous fine medical material, gloves and an internal applicator (with instructions and gel!). Hmm.
“Every day Nurse Barbara” says Viv now returning to tense and sense “I re-bandaged the finger until it had healed. Miraculously the finger also grew back.”
“You’re saint Viv, me and you are like minded” gushes Nurse Barbara.
“Well there is only one tiny little problem” fesses Viv “Well I put the finger on the wrong way…”