The last know version of Merv

The last know version of Merv

“Hey everyone, look what I’ve got” announces Merv pointing to some sort of gadget in his hand.

“What is it?” asks Gerard looking rather inquisitively at the object of Merv’s glee.

“Fucked if I know but granny gave it to me” replies Merv. “Lets ask Angler, he’ll know”

Angler examines the object at some length. “Nah, dunno but it has a picture on the back like some form of half eaten berry and the word Eyefone” says Angler.

“What the fuck is an Eyefone?” asks Gib W “And more importantly anyone got any drugs?”

“Granny didn’t use it either but she said it makes funny noises sometimes” informs Merv.

“Jesus wept, you lot are a bunch of dumb arses, it’s a mobile phone” states Nurse Barbara. “You ring people on it”

Merv was dumbfounded. What did ring people mean. He was too afraid to ask as he didn’t want to be seen as a dumb arse. He thought back through his life and he didn’t think that he had actually ringed anyone.

“See the telephone on the bar. It’s like that except you can put this in yore pocket and take it with you when yore out so people can ring you and talk to you” explains Sister Yvonne.

“Why in Gordon’s name would anyone want to do that?” asks Gib.

“Fucked if we know” replies the crew.

Merv was having mental contortions about having a phone in his pocket when the phone rang.

“Hello it’s Emmjay” says the voice on the phone.

“Hang on, how come I’ve been ringed when I’m not out” answers Merv.

“Well you don’t have to be out to be ringed. People can ring you any time and any where, even in the out house.” replies Emmjay.

“Shit” says Merv.

“Shit exactly” says Emmjay.

Well this was just a bit too much for Merv. His thoughts were racing, his palms were sweating and he didn’t like the idea of being ringed while sitting on the toilet. What that could do to his ring was painful. This modern techno stuff was all a bit of a worry. Lets face it what was Merv going to do with the phone on the bar?

“Yes, I remember now,  I’ve herd of these Merv” interjects Gerard “Apparently you can take pitches, tell the time and even get directions from one place to another”

“Piss off Gez, are you taking the mickey. Can you order beers and pizza?” inquires Gib.

“Hope so” says Hung. “What about you Angler, ewes a techno wizard”

“Nah, lets face it, who in their right mind would want to be contactable 24 seven. Me kids have one I think but I’ll have to check with the missus” replies Angler, “Hey, I’ve got a great idea. Why don’t we all get one so that when we are at the pub wheeze can ring each other so that wheeze can tell each other what a great time wheeze are having at the pub”

“Well, we could just talk to each other” pipes in Nurse Barbara.

“Hmm” replies the crew.