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Merv is Undecided.
Merv awoke and wondered to himself as to whether he should get out of bed. He was undecided. Trapped, he thought, regardless of what he does next it becomes a decision. Problem was Merv was feeling highly undecided, not those other words that can no longer be used but highly undecided.
Granny enters the room with Merv’s breakfast, 14 pieces of bacon, scrambled egg and a mug of coffee. Even though Granny and Merv were no longer a couple, due to patrons of the Pigs Arms running out of emetics, she still, now in the background, so deep in the background that it will never be mentioned again, ever GST fucking ever, okay, that she still loved her man, just like all good women do.
Merv fondles Granny’s bosom but after advice from,
https://pigsarms.com.au/2016/11/27/speaking-as-we-were-at-the-bar-about-knockers/
“Merv, we are not allowed to tit one another off any more, the patrons have spoken and look at what Hon Shades says about tits, Nurse Barbara and Sister Yvonne agree but I dunno” moans Granny, moaning and moaning ah, yes [Hung here Merv, move on mate. Ewe and Granny is finished]
“I dunno either Granny. In my next life I coming back as Off, everyone seems to want to tell me to fu%$…”
“Merv, kiddies could be listening”.
Merv showers and dresses thinking that he ain’t going to fall for that one again.
“Where’s Father O’Way” cries Merv “ I need GOD(Gordon O’Donnell)”.
“Bless you my son, in the name of the father the son and the holy ghost, I now pronounce you man and wife, I forgive you your sins, 5 hail Mary’s blah blah blah” says Father O’Way, parish priest at the church of St Generic Brand, Inner Western Cyberia, down the road and around the corner from the pub.
“Sandy, get Gordon, I want to speak to Gordon. Anyway what’s all this crap you are speaking?”
“Stereotyping but really I don’t know. I just say whatever Hung tells me, I guess you could call me a yes man”
“Me too, great band, Your’s is No Disgrace, bow, bow bow bow, bow” sings Merv.
***
Gordon, the creator of the universe, will not be happy if he is interrupted watching replays of the Bolt Report. It makes him very tensile indeed. However he gets the biggest laugh from this show.
Gordon appears as a hologram in the front bar following a phone call from Father O’Way, sees the beers and then materialises just like all supernatural bullshit artists can do in this fictional story.
“Hey, what’s up Merv?” asks Gordon as he downs a canoe.
“I dunno, 500 words maybe, meaning of life, me and Granny, next weeks lotto numbers, just asking like, I’m undecided.”
“I dunno” says GOD.
***
“What about you Gib?” asks Merv.
“Me mate, 100% rock solid, never waver or fence sit in my life ever, spit on me grave, yeah, dunno.”
“What about you Angler?” presses Merv, looking for some positive reassurance, you know, like when the coach has the full backing of the board.
“Hang on” says Angler “Just checking to see if I’m back from holidays, waiting, look at the FCK’ed scoreboard now, yes, back from holidays given the replay, no idea what you are talking about so dunno.”
[Authors Note: All fun, no offence intended to anyone.]
vivienne29 said:
Nurse Barbara does not recall ever saying anything against tit and dangling bits fondling.
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Mark said:
Tutu used to call it advanced froterisation.
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sandshoe said:
Sister Barbara … speaking as a sisterhood … never ever in my recall even at a Window Dresser’s Arms, Pig and Whistle lock down or a union meeting complained about anything to do with tits not once ever. Signed Shoe ps might just have to give in and change my WordPress membership and identity so I can get my avatar back up.
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algernon1 said:
WTF. I’m still plowing thtough the q4 slices of bacon
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Mark said:
Merv loves the stuff
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sandshoe said:
15 is a lot of of slices of bacon.
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algernon1 said:
Problem with typing on a smart phone
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sandshoe said:
They’re not so smart. I managed but to write a contrib on one for the Arms couple days ago. Uhuh. Into the body text of a Gmail email. It’s sitting in the in-tray on eds desk. 🙂
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algernon1 said:
Of late many comments have been made on my smart phone. Looks OK and then send only to find the mistakes once they’re up.
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Big M said:
Fuck Off.
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Mark said:
Thank you Sister
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Big M said:
High praise indeed.
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sandshoe said:
I thought it was considerate of you to respond as the bloke expected. Never destroy a bloke’s illusions good call.
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Big M said:
I often tell him to Fuck off, it’s a salutation.
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sandshoe said:
Oh yes. By the way side note…I have watched recently the movie among many ‘The New World’. The special features on the making of it in Virginia close by where the original Europeans landed …including Captain Smith who married Pocohontas…are best. No lighting and it rained the highest rainfalls in Virginia on record. They kept filming. So much talent behind the scenes and dedication brought to it by the Indians they advertised for all over the States and Canada.
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sandshoe said:
I understood the context is salutation. 🙂
Bit enchanted with the making of the movie I had just watched earlier. 😀
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sandshoe said:
I got in 2 cubic metres…ackshally a ton or a tonne or a tonneau for all I know of dirt and nuthin’ reminds me more of dirt …loam ackshally …and composted stuff…than Granny and Merv. Granny and Merv go together like a bucket and a spade. That might be an unfortunate allegry ackshally.
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Mark said:
🙂 🙂
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