Tags
Angler, Christina Binning Wilson, Foodge, Gib, humour, Merv, Nurse Barbara, Sister Yvonne, Therese Trouserzoff
Story by Sandshoe
BREAKING NEWS: Sister Yvonne gets a new job.
Foodge was up early with the Guide out of the middle of The Clarion.
Flat Out Like A Lizard Drinkin’s tipped to run better than she did in Cawfield’s The Crescent Moon he read out aloud.
Paper Roses was playing on the juke box.
P-a-p-e-r R-o-s-e-s his Uncle Merv was crooning in the way someone
mopping does. A-l-w-a-y-s m-a-k-e m-e b-l-u-e. Foodge set his uncle straight.
“Uncle Merv, the word’s cry.”
“It’s my spin on it. P-a-p-e-r R-o-s-e-s A-l-w-a-y-s m-a-k-e m-e b-l-ooo-ooo…
Ok Foodge, if he’s singing he’s happy mopping. One more ‘p’ than moping. We don’t want the right words. Nobody pays Merv a lick of sauce so blue is fine. Blue makes the sun shine for Merv. Cry implies mopping with only one ‘p’. We can afford the second ‘p’.
Arch the Accountant from Whizzzzzz Accountancy dropped in, always on the fly, Arch the Hell’s Angle who got ambitious to help the petite
bourgeoisie. It was on his t-shirt.
“Where’s Angler and Gib?”
“Cannot rightfully say, Mr Arch. They’re waiting, I know that much.”
Merv was contemplating Nurse Barbara as if he had never seen her before. His glasses steamed up from the steaming hot water he poured into the mop bucket.
“Why?’
Now condensing steam was running off Merv’s glasses and leaving him a
pane of opportunity. He had bought an especially large pair of glasses for this very purpose of seeing. “Pres Nurse Barbara,” Merv said.
“Yes” she answered mistaking Merv’s declarative as precedent to a summative.
Merv said they were going to Bondi. Nurse Barbara pointed out to Merv straight off going is not waiting, not with the other.
“It’s true, Nurse Barbara!” Sister Yvonne had slipped out of the local vet surgery. Everybody was getting out and about. Yes, Sister Yvonne had slipped unexpectedly and as suddenly into a new career and the old veterinarian’s surgery, the Pigs’ Knob, Sister Yvonne, back from the United States of America, a Veterinariae Medicinae Doctor.
She was carrying a ladder. “Chooks,” she said in passing, “Angler and Gib are going to Bondi. They’re waiting at Hornsby.”
‘They’re out of town? Is that where it is?”
“That’s for sure,” Merv was witness. “Went south. Good as flew.”
Therese Trouserzoff made a surprising appearance on the street pavement. She strummed a uke and she sang, “Why,” she couldn’t help
her important self, “don’t they go to Bondi if that’s where they’re going instead of waiting at Hornsby?”
Someone ought give Therese the bestest job ever. She has us all to support. Retro.
Arch shrugged his craggy, leather-clad shoulders. “You blokes ever been before?” He meant the femmes as well. Merv was shoo-ing him, neverthelessness out the back door pronto tonto. “There’s nothing in Horns…” Arch’s words faded and Merv came back in the front door. He was carrying held up before him a tourist promotion package.
“LOOK!” he said, “Fallen off the back of a truck! At the front door! Lying on the ground! Even a map! Good money in this sort of publishing! How to get to Hornsby! Up and offed they did. Angler and Gib.”
GO TO HORNSBY! DON’T WAIT!
WAIT UNTIL YOU GO TO BONDI!
algernon1 said:
Waiting at Hornsby sounds worse that getting off at Redfern.
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sandshoe said:
Remind me of poor old Charlie, Angler and Gib do. They may never return, their fate unlearned.
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sandshoe said:
“feminist shrews” teehee
https://video.scroll.in/844832/watch-simon-garfunkels-sounds-of-silence-parody-features-trump-and-makes-perfect-sense
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sandshoe said:
I did not mean to post it here. Silly me.
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vivienne29 said:
Nurse Barbara feeding the chooks. You couldn’t resist and finally gave in after how many years? I’ve been waiting patiently for that. ta.
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Mark said:
As you are the only sensible one sometimes it takes awhile to reward such behaviour.
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sandshoe said:
There was a label on the crate them chooks come in that said don’t feed the chooks.
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sandshoe said:
I try. This story grew out of a recent conversation with algernon of the pub who reflected on growing up in Hornsby and he couldn’t wait to grow up and get out, he would have preferred Bondi. Hornsby, I had replied, was where when I was a kid my dad and my mum and me had to wait for the Royal Auto guide to arrive and pilot us through Sydney to my brother’s place in Bondi…
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algernon1 said:
And thus the six degrees of separation.
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sandshoe said:
It’s awesome. 🙂
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Mark said:
I love stupidity that’s why I’m at home with this. 🙂
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sandshoe said:
I find the pub a real comforter myself.
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Yvonne said:
This is truly the epitome of confusion. But, I can still give one aitch of an effective enema, if that helps. Sister Yvonne MDV, not to be confused with VD.
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Mark said:
I gave an enema once and really arsed it.
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Big M said:
I was planning on getting off at Redfern, but barely made to Hornsby. The story of my life! Nice to see Nurse Barbara and Doctor Yvonne out and about , given that Angler and Gib are not there, or weren’t there, or can’t get there. Oh, fuck, it’s like Schrodingers Hotel.
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Mark said:
I fink something is wrong with my computer. Yes I realise I’m computer guru but a message keeps appearing on the screen saying “There’s somefink wrong with your computer”. I should probably just pretend not to notice.
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sandshoe said:
Told ja I larfed, Big M when yours was but a dream. There was I not a minit before finkin we had a situation on our hands to splain. Nek minit… we done it again, yer right, Schrodinger’s, weeze could name a Memorial sumfink that.
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algernon1 said:
Well as long as the cats not there.
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Big M said:
I had a cat once, marinaded, not very tasty.
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sandshoe said:
Think it was Big M came up with the image of the steaming hot water in Merv’s mop bucket. Soon as eyes wrote it, eyes considered it was in my brain from somewhere else, like when that princess lady got taken to court (and the cleaners) when she wrote a kids’ book and published it, but sadly word for word near it was a kids’ book from some other year, not hers. Nah, I thought to m’self,Shoe. Leave it in.
Usury is the sincerest form of flattery.
Mark, I wondered what in our universe you might choose to illustrate Angler and Gib and their conveyances. Rounds it out nicely. Love all your work. 🙂
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Big M said:
I reckon me ‘an Angler outta get together for some of them photos, if Merv’s got enough fillum in his Box Browny.
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algernon1 said:
Yes Big perhaps we could get together for a few snaps. I could pop up on the Flyer or you could come down and we meet at Hornsby. On the other hand we could meet in the middle somewhere like Wondabyne.
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Big M said:
Or perhaps just a coupla Impressive Porcine Ales.
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Mark said:
Or you could refer to the integrity of the South Aussie police. Saints ever one of them.
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sandshoe said:
I’ve got a pink one.
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