Merv here. This is terrible. The Shit Carters Arms have challenged us to a game of cricket, down at the park and wheeze have to provide our own umpires.
“Fucking cricket” says Gez “where ennui meets boredom”
“Eyes hates cricket, now chess, that’s a man’s game.” says Gib.
“Well mes and Hung love cricket but wheeze need at least eleven plus umpires so that’s around about thirteen folk needed give or take a decimal point” chips in Angler.
“Fucking 13 people. Wears wheeze gunna find 13 brain dead people with there eyes gouged out to play the most boring game ever invented” says Gez again. Gee, Gez gets two says in this story, he must be important.
“I’ll umpire” pipes in Sister Yvonne “just what are the fucking rules?”
Crikey, a lot of fucking going on, what is happening.
“Me fucking too, so there you go wheeze have the umpires and there is no rules, not in a social game, lets sledge the bastards.” says Nurse Barbara.
“I’m the fast bowler, can gnash teeth, swear and insult the batsman’s missus” says Honshades “Oh and I’ll chuck in a fucking”.
How come my spell checker recognises fucking? Hmm, something odd is happening here.
Just when crisis point is about to be reached Gordon appears in the bar. Lets face it, if Gordon hadn’t taught the universe how to play cricket none of this would be happening. Isn’t blame appropriation a wonderful thing.
Gordon fills the room with his aura or as we know from the old days, garlic.
“And so be to Gordon, go the farce has ended, oops, wrong story. Now the Shitties have a really good team so we sledge them big time, for example, we remind them that their washing is on the line and that they must check the letterbox whens they get home” dictates Gordon.
“Oh fuck off,wheeze gunna kill them” says Gib getting in a second says an upping his strike rate and hence his remuneration package.
“Yeah, fuck off” says Angler feeling the financial pinch of raising 16 children plus
realising that the Shit Carters have a vicious fast bowler that says naughty things.
“Hash tag, me too” says Hung not really knowing what to say but deciding to be like everyone else “and fur, fur fur, fuck off.” Gees, fancy telling the creator of the universe to fuck off, well I never.
Oh well, thinks Merv, we may as well declare and tell the Shit Carters Arms to fuck off.
“What about fucking Helvi, she’s from fucking Norvay, theys wouldn’t declare, theys would fight” says someone not yet named but gets a says.
“Oh yeah. Forgot that, in the park Sunday I guess” says Gordon racking up yet another says.
“Hung you can’t say fuck off, this is a family friendly blog” says Emmjay.
“No, it’s alright boss, I’m Merv in this story.”
“Well that’s okay then” says Emmjay racking up another says.
You know, I have come to this point in time where I hate says gatherers, don’t ewe.
Loved it! Just loved it!
Didn’t I see Helvi, dressed once again in leather, in an episode of Barnaby the other day. That’s the “nonJoyce” Barnaby by the way, well except that there is a Joyce Barnaby in the “nonJoyce” Barnaby yarns. Its all very confusing.
I don’t know whether the local Barnaby has gotten round to leather Helvi yet. But it seems he’s been giving it a red hot try working through the ranks of the Nationals female supporters.
That Helvi up there got electro-fried by a 240V mic. stand as I recall.
No way for a lady to go.
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Thanks mate. Hope you got a laugh.
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More than a laugh. I regularly wet myself reading your stuff.
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I reckon that is so fully sick, mate that’s just so f#*&$€g good you oughter be vain by now. I am pleased you got the f#*&$€g article f#*&$€g written eh what a f#*&$€g good one. Think I might be some sort of f#*&$€g muse. It f#*&$€g unblocks you talking to me on the f#*&$€g phone.
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Thank you. Glad it gave you a laugh. 🙂
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Jesus, fucking, Gordan. Another cricket miracle. Will there be free drinks? You know, prematch, perimatch, postmatch.
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Plenty of free drinks Brother Sister.
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Hung, my Mom says your coarseness knows no bounds. Fuck yeah !
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I raise my milo to that girl.
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Jeez, Gez, that Helvi is a good looking bird! Glad we finally got to see her.
Hey, Nurse Barbara, I’m happy we got to be umpires, we’ll speed up this f&%king boring game.
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Geez, Yvonne, ewes is my hero.
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#metwo
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I wish I had your style sister.
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You invented style before we invented the word, Marco! 🙂
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Yes, it was a stroke of genius.
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Something told me you two girls would make good umpires. 🙂
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Well I see the time away has done you no f&%king harm. Angler can throw in a few of the kids.
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F%#ing take some of mine Angler… 🙂
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