In a dramatic reversal of form, Thai cave dwellers are flying to a destination somewhere in the Middle East in a desperate attempt to rescue an Australian Refugee 11 Soccer star from a fate worse than a Dubai pedicure.

In a postmortem discussion, Socceroos captain Johnny Wombat said that “This will be a tricky extraction. Not since I had my wisdom teeth removed – admittedly with a fuckin’ huge dose of classical gas – have we seen such a painful and obviously unfair penalty”.

The Thai cave dwellers, famous for tricky extractions and sedation expressed confidence that they could “pull this one off in the second half”. “We’ll do a few probing runs up the back passage

Electronics wizard Dick Smith  Allen Mosque was also unavailable for comment but a prosthetic aide muttered something about “fuckin paedo” and encouraged the Australian star to put a shitload of space between himself and the Dubious backline.

Allen was also reported to have not said something along the lines of ‘What the fuck do you expect from a banana republic – and those South East Asian jungle bunnies are not much better. Bureaucrats as dumb as bucket of poop.” AFP media wonks were unavailable for comment – roughly since they fucked up the Bali nine bust and got two Australians murdered at sunrise.

Diplomatic saucers close to the Australian Foreign Affairs Minister were fuckin’ clueless and Johnny Wombat said he would have dropped them from the training squad “bloody years ago. Those dickwits couldn’t pull the scab of a week old blood blister”.

Pig’s Arms sport and foreign affairs correspondent Ira Tazero.