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Story by Pig’s Arms Cub Reporter Boo-Boo Bear

Faithful wife of 70+ years admits that it was a mistake to allow her late husband to drive himself to his own funeral.

“I should have known that no good would come of this” she told the Pig’s Arms.

Bystanders reported that the driver, referred to only as a Mr Duke swerved to avoid an allegation that he was an entitled racist bigot, before losing self control and rolling joints several times.

First responders on the scene administered Tenant’s Lager and confiscated all cameras, except that of our PA reporter who was cleverly disguised as a hedge fund manager.

The crack Edinburgh Metropolitan Police specialist VIP traffic accident cover-up team attended and reported that although the man was known to them, whether he in fact was licensed to do anything he wanted was unclear, but pretty likely to be the case and who am I to drop any big wig into the poo and still have a pension in tact said an alleged man dressed in serge.

Mr Duke was whisked away in an unmarked (because he hadn’t driven it) whisk and given the royal treatment by a generously proportioned celebrity chef given to sampling her own creations from the tips of long, sensuous fingers that have never seen a day’s work in their lives beyond the morning struggle with an unruly bra strap.

The Range Rover’s black box flight recorder has been recovered and is undergoing psychiatric analysis.