Hiya Scotty from Marketing.
I know how much you like to get on the tools in preference to boring sh1t like running the country, and I think this has been one of your great strengths – tool-wise you can do almost anything.
Nothing seems to faze you – from flying fighter planes, driving tanks, doing a fast lap as a Mount Paranormal navigator, making bits of stuff, hammer and nail. Struth – even sweeping up an already swept up gym floor and striking fear into the hearts of everyone risking a quick salon shampoo.
We’ve been really impressed how you’ve become a great outdoorsman (still waiting for you to shear a sheep – if Barnhouse Joy lets you) replete with Viyella shirt, moleskins and RM ding boots.
But I think the great debt the nation owes you Scotty from Marketing is that above and beyond all else, you’ve shown every Australian and statespersons and monarchs around the globe … how f*cking easy it is to be the Prime Minister of Australia.
And if, heaven forbid, you ever tire of the job, I want to let you know that I am ready to step into your shoes and give the country some respite care. I know where to get a hard hat and all the tools (Pig-Tel male order) and I can be out there in front of every photo opp in literally a flash. Well, not quite as bright as your flash. (How are the old retinas, by the way ?)
I sincerely hope that you can still see straight because you had better not take your eyes off Mr Potato Head, especially since he’s in charge of all the guns and sharp swords.
I forgot to say that I have a ukulele, and from what I’ve seen and heard, I’m pretty well on top of the April Sun in Cuba.
So don’t forget to take me up on my generous offer – and maybe we can lay a couple of bricks, light a fire under a few steaks and rinse our gums with some frothy beverage. I’m pretty sure that we’ll keep the barbie under tight control and just in case, I’ll invite a couple of Rural Fire and SES volunteers – so there’s no chance you’ll be asked to hold a hose or bale out the cabana.
Your old mate
Licensee of the Pig’s Arms.