Warning ! This is real !!

I tried unsuccessfully to repair Robert (our vacuuming robot). Robby baby refused to charge his batteries. They are pretty old, so I googled and ordered some new genuine Electrolux batteries.

So now I get daily hot deal spam about bloody vacuum spares. And sadly I don’t unsubscribe because I think I’m getting an addiction to vacuum machine parts as a new way of life. But I digress.

Robert-friendly batteries come in pairs. I installed them.

Nothing.

I think I measured the output of the charger with a multimeter. It looked OK but still nothing.

It turned out to be cheaper and easier to buy a new robot vacuum cleaner (not an Electrolux). Choice said that the Roomba was the go. We called him Stuart – after FM’s ex. And indeed he is waaay better than Robert, reflecting more years of R&D. (Except for the time I left the courtyard door open and he attempted to vacuum the garden, he’s really smart). Stuart maps the rooms and learns how to do the job more efficiently – and when he gets tired it ALWAYS returns to it’s charging station has a rest and finishes the job later – unlike Robert who we often found snoozing under the lounge. Stuart is connected to the internet so we can see how he’s going, start him up or stop him from anywhere there’s an internet connection – like everywhere – using a mobile phone.

Why we might want to do this I have no idea, but Stuart goes and gets new software himself – from time to time. So he actually gets better and better at the job – not suggesting he did a crap job in the first place. Unlike Robert. I should say however, that Robert could vacuum in the dark, but Stuart’s eyes only work when it’s daytime or we leave the lights on.

Anyway, just this month, Amazon bought out iRobot (Stuart’s manufacturer) for $1.7 billion.

What evil do you think Amazon will do with Stuart’s floorplan of our place ? And since Stuart has artificial sight, how about question two – what will Amazon do with the images of our furniture and everything else ?

I can see it now – an Email … Dear Emmjay, Your lounge is looking a bit tired – we can send you a new one for five grand today… just say the word. And you know those pesky fine print terms and conditions that you agreed to (OK we know you didn’t read them. Nobody reads them. ) Well you agreed that we can sell copies of your original artworks, royalty free. We don’t even have to ask first, or pay you or the artists anything, because this would reduce our intergalactic profits.”

Message 3 – “We suggest you buy top cover home and contents insurance because he who can deliver same day, can also take away same day.”

Holy fuck. I’ll have to revert to dear old dumb Robby and rearrange the furniture and paintings or better still, move. 😦