Author Archives: Therese Trouserzoff

Rolling Away the Stone

24 Sunday Mar 2024

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

I wonder whether Jesus goes away for the long weekend.

JStar Airlines

This showed up in my WhatsApp thing today.

It qualifies to be added to the New Testament- the Gospel according to Terry.

🤷🏻‍♂️I don’t get ppl who travel on Easter weekend….it’s like woohoo a whole extra 48 hours off 😱😱😱 let’s pack everything we own, 17 kids, the canoe, the bbq, pack enough food to feed the whole of a 3rd world nation for a month, the bikes, the dog, 18 fishing rods and Grandma in the 4 tonne LandCruiser we don’t know how to drive…. then we’ll leave early to beat the traffic, ermmmm 10k out of town no… every other numpty with a BCF membership got the same idea 🙄 oh well nevermind nothing like 9 hours in a traffic jam with screaming bored kids fighting over the DVD player and mashing half chewed lollies on the carpet while singing “Let it Go!” out of tune for the 19th time…

11.5 hours from home you’ve covered 43.6 kilometres and your cheese is about to slide off your cracker 😤 so you pull into a Service Centre packed with 9753 other equally mental fools, park sideways across 6 spots in the truck section coz you know the Toyota runs on diesel so it’s a ‘truck ‘ isn’t it??

You all pile out of the big lorry ignoring the cold stares from the guy trying to park his 80 foot bdouble for a regulation break, send the kids to line up at Maccas for 57 minutes then still have no fkn clue what they want by the time you reach the server 🤨…. it doesn’t matter what the stinking rugrats order anyway coz 11 minutes later the wrappers are floating across the carpark, the soft serve is on the leather seats and the 9 year old has pickles in her hair and is screaming ‘you’re a poo poo head!” at the 7 year old who refuses to sit forwards or put his seat belt on 👊🏻….

25.8 hours after leaving home you reach the campsite a whole 103 ks away only to discover there’s no spots left within 17 kilometres of the beach or a toilet so you set up camp with the brown snakes 🐍 nowhere near the neighbors who promised to hold a spot for you 🙄🤦🏻‍♂️…..

You spend the next day and a half listening to half pissed Shazza’s yelling “JAYDEN!!! Stop hitting your brother!!” and mumbling to your mates around the campfire about ‘serenity’ and ‘the good life’…. 🔥

9am Monday you’re thinking prison food can’t be that bad surely??? If I just bury them deep enough nobody will find them??
You say fuk this I’ll leave early and beat the traffic while visions of the 23 hour journey down here flash through your head 💭🤔

So you pack the whole shebang back into the Pickle mobile along with the wet dog and sunburnt kids whining “weeeere hungreeeeeee!!!” , pull out onto the packed highway, find another Maccas to appease the brats. fill the ‘truck’ at $1.91 a litre and head the fuk home with the other 19.3 million nufftys thinkin abbq at home and a sleep in would have been a good idea!! 🚙💨💨💨💨 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

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Sneaky Blinders – or where the mysterious inflation comes from…

20 Wednesday Mar 2024

Posted by in Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 5 Comments

It’s a long way to the shop

Research Update

As many of our astute readers know, the Pig’s Arms research unit at the University of Enmore does cutting edge work on the mechanics of running a robber baron economy.

In the interests of helping out a Reserve Bank that’s clearly desperately trying to justify maintaining crippling interest rates, our research team went out into the field and exposed our credit cards to see what kind of by-catch our nets would dredge up.

Preliminary Findings

The taxi from the Enmore Institute to Sydney’s airport advertised a fixed price of $27 and three bits. But what showed up on the Slavecard statement was $28 and two bits. No tap and go here. They sting you later after your plane to Dubbo has taken off.

A tiny coffee and two bits of raisin toast was advertised at $10 with no added charm from the barista. But at the till the price inflated to $10.65.

Now the usual bullsh1t is adding the charge the merchant will have to pay the Slavecard people. Well, our researchers found that for a Slavecard, this would be 1.65% – or on a ten buck coffee plus toast transaction this would add 17c.

Do you see where we’re going with this ?

Somewhere along the line, Mrs Paddock is pocketing a quiet clip of nearly half a percent, or as our banking friends (and I use the term loosely) like to say, fifty basis points.

Now since Covid quietly strangled cash in the retail zone, the Slavecard people and merchants have apparently turned taking advantage of our trusting fiduciary indifference into an art form. OK, it’s a lot harder for merchants to accidentally forget to pay tax on cash transaction income when there is no cash, We get that.

But Enmore Institute research clearly shows that the banks and real estate agents are not the only thieving bastards driving up inflation.

Reserve Bank Governors take notice.

Farewell Dinner Has Been Announced but Will Not Be Implemented

15 Friday Mar 2024

Posted by in Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 4 Comments

Scott Morrison’s farewell dinner in The Shire has been announced and then quietly cancelled, in a touching tribute to the former PM’s reputation for never actually going through with anything.

Organisers of the event said they wanted to create a send-off for Morrison that captured the essence of his time in office. “When we thought back to what he had achieved as PM we came up with absolutely nothing. And that’s when we knew we’d hit on the perfect farewell,” one of the organisers said. “What better way to honour the man than with an elaborately-announced but never-actually-implemented leaving do?

Borrowed with thanks from the Shovel. Do rock over there and subscribe.

An Orchestrated Songbook Paul Weller

23 Friday Feb 2024

Posted by in Algernon

≈ 3 Comments

Album presentation by Algernon

Recently Mrs A and I saw Paul Weller at the Sydney Opera House. We saw him in 2017, which was arguably the best concert we’d ever seen. This one while not the same as the earlier concert was excellent as well. It was a baby boomers night out, many dressed in their buttoned up Fred Perry or Ben Sherman polo’s. There was even a Paul Weller lookalike even down to the hair. The only thing missing was the padded jackets which they wore on the way in on the Lambretta’s. Oh the sound at the Opera House now is just excellent, for the instruments.

I think some thought they were there to see The Jam or The Style Council, ignoring that he has done more solo albums than he ever did with those bands

I found this Album which he did in 2021 backed by the BBC Symphony Orchestra. Simply wonderful. Enjoy