Super Hero with Antechinus Sidekick

Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula

In one of those rare Austro-American seeing eye-to-eye sessions, the great super hero puts the hard word on his trusty sidekick.

Big O:  Look, Robin, you’re bustin’ my arse.

Little R: I aint bustin yo arse, Kimo Sabe.  I’s in a jam.  We’s got big trouble with dem Afghan voles.

Big: Aint no trouble with dem voles, Tonto.  Yo with the Lone Arranger.  The Biggest O.  All I’s askin’ you is to cough up a couple hundred thou troops.  We needs to do a flush or whatsit called ?  A ramp-up, my man.

Little: I got no thou troops, Your huge O-ness.  I be busted flat as a fart in church, man.  No Way can I ante-up the dosh to score us a reggie or two, man.  And anyways, like my tribe has taken to hollow logs every time I jez thinks about it.

Big: Look, my man.  Big Tony is Toast.  Big Gordy is doin a gig over at Hung’s post, and so when we throws the towel in on the G8  and we has to put up with these other dudes from God knows where – Bosutoland or whatever- so YOU, MY MAN can has a seat at the table – the G20 table – you goes an pikes on yo big Daddy !

Little: Like I’m way embarrassed, your highness.  I offerd you the Big Beaze.  Gee, man, he like even looks like your tribe man.  110% all beef pattie.  Like I mean, Your Immensity, he be the most linebacker I’s got.

Big: Listen to me, my diminuitive rodentiousness.  Can I put it more plainer than I be about to speak it to you ?  Either yo goes and stumps up yo part of the deal, or it is, you see that the size of the G is maybe suffering a 5% cut.  Like I’m talkin’ G19.  Are yo travellin’ with yo big Bro, as Im talkin down you hearin’ tubes,  my good Robinaceous manlet ?

Little: I’s hearin you, Oh one of great Awesomeness.  An I wuz jes wonderin’….

Big: Well ?

Little: Be there available a kind of hench type seat, just off the main gig an a little bit to the leff ?

Big: Are we talkin’ yos askin’ me for a waiter job at the G ?  Or are you thinkin’ of sum othha walk-on part ?

Little: Ummmm, G.  I umm, I arr, needless to say, the arr Umm …….. would I get scraps ?

Big: Yo already got the Afghan scraps I give you.  How much of mor of dem does you want, my main marsupial ?

Little: I has another angle, Oh one Ohbie !  I has climate change left overs.  Would you like a developing country for afters ?

Big: Listen’ I got stuff to do.  Big stuff, like I Ran as well as I raq and now I got dis China thing comin on. I’ll be seein’ yo.

…. (aside)  coz right now I don have a Swiss knife wiv a thing for gettin Antewhatsis off of my superhero shoe.

Joe (Peter Griffin) Hockey

By Warrigal Mirriyuula.

As more and more politicians choose television celebrity to boost their electoral standing we’ve seen Anna Bligh cook and our Deputy Prime Minister take on a bunch of 5th class kids in a battle of intellectual wits; but did you know that another Australian politician is seeking hollywood fame? That’s right, “Jokin” Joe Hockey, the Liberal’s everyman, rightly conceding that he’ll never be PM, is currently in talks with the FOX network and the creator of popular animated series “Family Guy”, Seth MacFarlane.

MacFarlane is said to be over the moon at the “fit” between the character of Peter Griffin and Jokin’ Joe’s personable style. “We don’t need training, we don’t need method! He’s got the role down pat from the get go!” an ecstatic MacFarlane told reporters.

Though privately concerned that the new role may be a bit of a stretch for the first time actor, Jokin’ Joe’s says his experience in the parliament should stand him in good stead. “I’m quite used to delivering someone else’s lines” the jocose giant quipped, before roaring away in his BMW while he tossed back to assembled journalists, “Here’s lookin’ up your bi-election.”

After leaving the show at the end of the current season Peter Griffin will be taking up a public relations and communications management position for the George Bush Presidential Library.

By Madeleine Love.

We’re having so much fun down here in Victoria over the bush wanderings of water minister Tim Holding.

Mount Feathertop

He decided to go on a jolly overnight walk up snowy Mt Feathertop on his own over the weekend.  The weather was rather grim.  He was meant to reappear at 4pm Sunday but didn’t.  All day yesterday we had news reports about the search for The Hon Tim Holding.

I wondered his opponents would be feeling.  Surely no-one could wish for an ill outcome while friends and family lingered distressed?   I know I couldn’t.

Oh,oh, getting lost.

Tim Holding is given continued abuse over the North-South water pipeline (pumping water destined for the food bowl and the dry Murray over the hills to Melbourne instead), and over the Wonthaggi desalination plant.

I have a good friend who’s very active against the desal plant, and I’m on the mailing list of the North-South pipeline opponents, so have a little insight into how his opponents may feel about his disappearance.

Last night things were beginning to look grim, such that the topic became a discussion at the dinner table.  This morning I woke hopeful, and not long after dropping the children at school I noticed breaking news and sent this email to my desal friend…

Good News:  “Victorian Minister Tim Holding found alive during helicopter search. More soon.” www.abc.net.au Thought you’d like to know.

And then we saw him get off the helicopter http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200909/r428043_2042473.asx ,

alive, well and walking.

So I sent another email to my desal friend…

Desalination friend.

“quick, quick, get the lines out…

“Tim Holding loses his way over desal plant”

“Tim Holding stumbling in the dark with Victoria’s water”

“Victoria’s water strategy directionless”

McAskill defending the release of the Lockerbie bomber

One of the luxuries of being away from Australia (well, not for many Americans, since I was indistinguishably present in Austria), is that one can, from a distance, gain a different perspective.
Seeking out an English language newspaper, today I paid six bucks for a copy of the Times.  Isn’t it ironic when one considers that the Australian can be picked up gratis from a metropolitan railway station but another national fourth estate treasure holds its price

A couple of days ago the Times reported that Britons and overwhelmingly, Americans are seriously unhappy with the decision to free the convicted terrorist – the Libyan former spook Abdul Baset Ali al-Megrahi, just 8 years into a 27 year sentence for murdering 270 people in the bombing of Pan Am 103 over Lockerbie in 1988. The murderer, let’s be quite clear is alleged to be dying of prostate cancer and has, it is said (by presumably medical experts in direct communion with God) only three months to live.

This compassionate act displays the depth of the British legal system and strongly contrasts it with the “laws” supposed to be held as fundamentalist truth – by  fundamentalists.  The Times reported that justice has been done and that British justice does not preclude access to compassion.

But it really does call into question the motivation of the British authorities for whom the need to be seen to be compassionate by a fundamentalist dictatorship is apparently a priority.

How can this be ?  How can a British government politician facing certain annihilation at the next election, or any public servant or diplomat justify this supine act ?

The Times was even-handed in dishing out the vitriol.  They reported that the United States ‘deeply regretted the decision”.  Mon brave !  Translation : Obama and the really reasonable team are seriously pissed off.  Big mistake !

So what could be the motivation ?

Perhaps the most outrageous part was the circus plastered over the front page of the Times on Friday 21 August.  It includes a photograph of the murderer, being escorted down the gangway from General Gaddafi’s private plane – by his son – to a “hero’s welcome”.

Big mistake #2.  And big revelation.  British compassion does not lead to Libyan contrition.   The clash of values systems.

At least the Brits – well the Scots are up to a bit of arse covering with the Scottish Parliament being recalled to discuss (and big prediction ‘condemn’) the release.  The Times presaged a public inquiry and an opportunity to spend a few million more taxpayers’ pounds in pursuit of the last few million they spent to secure the conviction and maintain the inmate alive in incarceration.

From the comfortable distance that Australia has from British politics – mostly – the decision to release a mass murder looks like arrant nonsense and must be deeply offensive to the families of the victims. The appalling release of fundamentalists complicit in the Bali and Jakarta bombings after a few years’ incarceration in the minds of many Australians was not compensated by the execution of the three murderers.  Moreover, many Australians including even some who lost love ones in these atrocities, expressed the view that execution was stooping to a lower form of justice not acceptable  in civilised nations and that martyrdom for the convicted murderers was highly counter-productive.

And perhaps here in lies the answer.  If death from prostate cancer for the Lockerbie bomber is certain, this is certainly not a death in custody that the British government wants on its hands.  Particularly when one considers the recent efforts both the Americans and the British have been putting into rehabilitating at least one dictator.

So is the price of North African oil cheaper than that of the Middle East or is it any easier to justify morally ?

…. by  Madeleine Love

But is it safe for the children? she cried.

Don’t know… can’t stop industry, old chap.

Can’t bind them up with shackles.

Regulate?  Heresy!

Tantamount to putting the brakes on profits!

It would amount to a trade barrier

Singing…

Simulated Nano Gizmo

I read the news today oh boy

It was about nanotechnology

And though the bits were rather small

They had to count them all

State of the World 2006…

“The U.S. government’s National Nanotechnology Initiative (NNI) has spent over $5 billion on nanotech R&D since 2001, making it the biggest publicly funded science endeavour since the Apollo moon shot.”

“The U.S Department of defense has received a greater share of nanotech R&D funds than any other federal agency.”

“The U.S government’s 2006 nanotech budget requests $38.5 million for environmental, health, and safety research on nano-materials – less than 4 percent of the [NNI’s] total budget.”

Nano-biotechnology:  “Angela Belcher, a material scientist at MIT, has genetically engineered the DNA of viruses, inducing them to grow tiny inorganic wires with magnetic and semiconducting properties that may someday provide circuitry in high-speed electronic components.”

Or not.

“Though nanotechnology is sometimes hyped to the hilt, it is no joke and its societal impacts will indeed be titanic.”

“Journey into the Nano-World”  [Australian Government, CSIRO, AccessNano]

• Anti-odour socks
• UV-blocking invisible sunscreen
• Self-cleaning dog bed
• Anti-fungal gym towel
• Pencils filled with nanocapsules of fragrance that pop as you write, releasing sweet smells
• Ultra-light tennis racquets
• Fridges that fight off bacteria and bad smells
• New ways of saving water
• Enviro-friendly ways of producing energy and power
• Reduce our reliance on raw materials
• Reduce our energy use
• Clean our water supplies
• Computers accessible to more people
• Increase our medical options
• A lot easier to keep your house warm
• No more toxic mercury in lighting systems
• Mind-blowingly powerful computing
• Toxic cleanups
• Medical nano-miracles
• People who find themselves in wheelchairs due to spinal injuries may soon have a good chance of walking again.
• Nano-ships containing cancer-fighting drugs through the bloodstream
• Metal with a memory
• Artificial muscles
• Artificial limbs
• Exoskeletons for astronauts and soldiers
• Robots that can keep going and going… and going.
• Artificial skins for aeroplane wings and wind turbine blades
• What’s for lunch?
• Nutritional additives
• Smart packaging avoid refrigerators

“Be an informed citizen

If you wish to take part in public discussions on nanotechnology, it’s important to be informed.  Understanding the risks and benefits of any technology helps you make better choices about how it may be useful.”

Risks?  Why include such a word in an Australian Office of Nanotechnology document?

Back page, small box:  “In Australia, we have regulations that cover the different uses of nanotechnology to ensure it is safe for humans and the environment.”

All the benefits will be yours, and you don’t need to look into this tricky stuff, because we’ll look after the risks for you.

Former Solomon Islands Attorney General, Julian Moti

Susan Merrell – the Pig’s Arms foreign correspondent for the Solomon Islands digs up more AFP dirt on the Howard Government’s pursuit of Julian Moti (on child s*x charges).

Let’s hear what she has to say at :

http://solomonstarnews.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=10379&Itemid=26

Dry, barren and prickly hill.

In a political masterstroke last week, the Rudd Government appointed the former Howard government minister for defence and the environment, Senator Robert Hill to head the government’s new climate change initiative – namely to encourage Australian families and businesses to be more energy efficient and reduce our carbon footprints.

This piece of wedge politics would make Machiavelli’s Prince proud.  The Ruddmeister has given the greenest job not to Ha! A Green.  Not to one of his own senior players.  Not even to one of the foot soldiers of the environment movement or even the right wing of the left party.  A brilliant piece of keeping your friends close, but your enemies closer.

Rudd is in effect, by appointing the man who helped create this wheelbarrow of steaming dung, literally pushing shit up hill.  The reward for Hill going doggo and sitting on the environment portfolio for so many years, for denying Kyoto, for letting the rivers run dry is to be given the task of actually getting off his bronze and helping to do something about it.

But there’s far more to this than meets the eye.  In a Pig’s Arms exclusive scoop, we can tell you that the government has arranged a trade – Hill for Peter Garrett.  The swap has been arranged for an undisclosed sum not thought to be in the same league as recent Real Madrid business.  The trade brings the future of the Coalition Club into serious question.

The serious question is: “Will the Coalition be relegated to reserve grade, effectively making Australia a one-party state, or making the Coalition a one-state party ?”

In stark contrast to some (barely-suppressed smirking) Rudd and Wong footage last week we saw the Opposition’s Treasury spokesman, Joe Hocky pleading on national TV for Kevin to cut everyone’s allowance.  It would have been funny, had it not had the air of desperation redolent of a party, nay a coalition of parties and a religious enviro-nutter on their last desperate tilt at relevance.

What WAS funny, however was our Professor of Sustainability at Sydney Uni, Hill’s assertion that there was no way he’d be putting the heavies on his old mates to pass the carbon trading bill in the Senate.  Well, Prof, you can lead a horse to water, but only the threat of a double dissolution will make it drink – provided there’s some water in the tough.

Prominent Conservative Politician Researching an Autobiography

I wasn’t going to adorn this piece of found digital mischief, but with the excerpts from Tony’s new book in this Weekend’s Australian,  I just could not bear to let the opportunity go past.

Do yourself a really huge favour.  Read the Australian excerpts (saves going anywhere near the actual book)  – particularly if you need a good purging.  If you thought Peter Costello’s book was the biggest pile of ordure in Christendom, you have not seen even a scintilla of this new ultimate puddle of vomit.

Is it the cheesy photos of Mr Cool in his Oxford boxing team days ?  The doting wife feeding him his mouthguard during a charity boxing match ?  The doting mother of someone else’s baby ?  (Remember the Tony Abbott love child saga ?).  Give me strength.  Has this dude no shame ?  Not that he thought he had knocked up his girlfriend and persuaded her to have it adopted out (Pope 1: abortionists nil).

Tony’s crime is to put it in print and roll around in it under the misapprehension that it’s actually worth reading about.

And the endless equivocation about whether “leadership” was best achieved through the priesthood.  (Ignoring the pre-marital period before marrying God) where there was an implied bit of horizontal folk dancing going on.

... and then she sent me this letter from the maternity ward - Pell was really pissed off

Is it me, or is it that conservative politicians – particularly those in opposition have nothing better to do than dream up tomes of self-congratulation.  Are they worse than retired Labor politicians ?  Yes ! Because (apart from Mark Latham’s reasonable impression of barking madness, the Neocons are just so fucking pious and full of self regard).

Still, correct me if I’m wrong you scholars, isn’t hubris a mortal sin ?

I’m selling “fly on the wall” tickets for when Tony gets to discuss his overall game with St Peter.

Should be a lot more interesting than some waffle about fixing a busted Federation – without vaporising the States.

Sorry, I’ve had my run.  I can’t hold it down any longer …. I’m off to speak to God on the porcelain telephone.  Thanks a lot Tony.

Remember my advice on your gay marriages blog ?  No matter how much you tinker with the bread, your filling still makes it a basic turd sandwich.

I’m pretty sure Warrigal found this under a rock on the Internet…..  how appropriate.