Why is it, our Merv,

That representatives of telcos

(Whose parents have not entered into wedlock)

Stand at great distance from those in their care

And upon us scorn, indifference and arrogance, they heap.

Why dost thou not simply deny them the libation of barley and the essence of pink ?

For they placeth on hold our inquiry, these many seasons

And they handeth us over to some other goose who knows not the difference

betwixt their anus and their elbow

They knoweth not how to solveth our problems of incomprehensible billing

They dwell in the house of some foreign landlord

Indifferent to our suffering.

To them we insist must go yesterday’s wedges

And the shitty seats close to the men’s urinal.

For the telco-wrath of the Pig’s patrons is great

The memories of the public bar are long

And the honeyed  taste of revenge on the telcos is sweet indeed.

Thus spaketh the customer.