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Tag Archives: Gregor

Hung One On Whitman

08 Thursday May 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Neville Cole, Poets Corner

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

'Shoe, Algy, Asty, Big M, Emmjay, Gez, Gregor, Helvi, Hung One On, Lehan Winifred Ramsay, Merv, Neville Cole, Vivienne, Voice, Warrigal

poets_pub

Story by Neville Cole

I’ll admit it. I tied one on with Hung One On down the Pub last night. As I recall, it all started amicably enough. All the locals were there celebrating the 5th Anniversary. Viv’s spread was a real treat. Gregor took to the mic early on and told some raunchy jokes. Big M was singing Karaoke. I had a grand old time catching up with Algy, Shoe, Voice, Asty, Lehan, Gerard, Helvi, Warrigal and, of course Emmjay. But, much, much later, as closing time drew nigh, things got a little…well, strange. Hung grew increasingly introspective, almost wistful, as the night went on and we began to talk – as we often do when we get this way – about life, about love, and about…poetry.

“Some day, Mate,” he says to me, “I’m gonna go walkabout. I gonna drop this…” he paused for a moment to choose just the right word, than added: “façade…and start living.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” I replied, appropriately emphasizing exactly in exactly the right way as I downed my last Trotters.

“I think you do. I think you do. I know you do!” Hung said with a sudden smile. “You and I aren’t the types to be penned in by… by rules…and, and rules. We are the truth tellers. We are the rebel alliance. We are poets, man…and we should be out there poeting our guts out.”

“We are poets,” I agreed with him. “When I look at you that’s exactly what I see.” I was at this time somewhat fixed on the word exactly as you might have already guessed. But I continued nevertheless: “You, for sure, are a fucking poet, Hung. Walt Whitman’s got nothing on you, brother.”

“Walt Whitman!” Hung leapt to his feet like a sleeping dog woken by a noisy cat. “That’s it!” Hung cried climbing his stool to reach the bar.

“Hey, hey,” Merv sang out. “Closing time, Hung. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”

“Hear him out, Merv,” I said quietly. “He’s on a roll.”

“Warrigal kept to himself. Quietly sketching away in the corner; but I saw a wry smile break across his face as Hung began to recite a poem in a loud, clear voice.

“Song of MY self,” Hung announced to the almost empty bar. “By Hung One On Whitman.

And what followed, I recorded exactly as it poured from his soul…’cause no one would believe it if I didn’t write it down.

 

Song of my self

 

Come breathe the musk of morning
sit silent at the desert dawn;
Listen for my breath
Here me cry the empty sky
into being
Bathe in the light
I am not lost
nor hidden in rock
I am not dead
you are not dreaming
we are Life eternal.

Throw off your shoes
Did toes in solid earth
Draw kindred souls into your veins
There is not end in sight
no apocalypse is nigh
there is not one of us will die
we all are Life eternal
we are the one supernal
I take you in as you do I
Give yourself to the forests and the seas
We are all what feeds the other
There is no turning back
This is a never ending track that leads back to an open door
no floor
no ceiling to block the light
you are in my sight
no need to fear the night
Feel my warmth on you skin
Let me in
Turn your face to me
Give me a smile for today
You are Life eternal.

Look to the sky
Not a cloud to block the blue
This is my gift to you
This blue sky
that greenish-yellow leaf
the purple pinkness of the flowers
the richness and ceaseless variety
you are wrapped in a multitude of color
all for you this glorious display
I paint the world this way
To make each day your canvas
Take it in
Hold it with you to look upon
During the hours of grey and black
Remember my gift
Seek it out
The new day is just beyond the horizon
It will not be slowed or stopped
It will not hold back from you
Even if you doubt or despair
Even if you curse and cry
Even if you lose your way
Even if you forget
A new day is coming
Every moment
a hundred million every second
all across the Earth
a billion others like you and I
feeling with us
We are Life eternal.

Hung stopped for a moment, then a moment more, then paused, then graceful as a dancer, he bowed deeply and humbly. Emmjay and I cheered. Even Warrigal rose to his feet in applause.

I don’t remember much that happened after that. It’s a bit of a blur. I remember watching the sun come up a few hours later and replaying Hung’s poem in my head; but that’s about it. Still, it was a top notch 5th Birthday bash and I can’t wait till next year’s party.

 

Dear Gregor

05 Monday May 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Gregor Stronach

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

agony uncle, Gregor

Simianlated Photo of Gregor

Simianlated Photo of Gregor


Why do men have nipples?

Men have nipples for aesthetic purposes. They mainly exist to provide punctuation for the pectoral muscles, and occasionally to make fat men look like hairy women. They also provide an excellent place to attach electrodes during routine questioning of African American suspects in southern police stations.
Without nipples, a man would look like a mannequin, and the less men look like department store dummies, the better… because if we start to take nipples off men, eventually there will be a worldwide glut of nipples on the international market, and the internet pornography industry would die.

Dear Gregor
Why does a grown man who rides motorcycles own an overly cute cat? 

He is either secretly a very soft individual, with a carefully constructed façade of seriousness tempered with a blistering sense of humour, or he might be gay. Take your pick – although I’m leaning towards the first explanation myself.

Dear Gregor
How do I get the hot mamas to like me? 

I would start by putting pants on… you’d be amazed at how quickly your fortunes will turn around once you stop turning up places with your doodle hanging out.

Dear Gregor
How did Tom Arnold end up connected with every movie featuring black people ever?

Tom Arnold had himself declared black for tax purposes in 1992. To celebrate, Tom was awarded the publishing and distribution rights for every single film featuring black actors by Michael Jackson, who has been steadily divesting himself of assets since he was busted for playing ‘touchy touchy’ with some little children. 

Dear Gregor
Why do people look at me funny when I touch them? And can I touch you? 

A hard question… but I think it has something to do with the running sores on your face and limbs. My advice is to eat leafy green vegetables with every meal, and try to get out in the sun a little more. If that doesn’t clear it up, a gentle wash with a lanolin-based soap (preferably one that doesn’t contain glycerine) might help as well.
Another thing to consider is the notion of asking people before you put your hand down the back of their trousers. The excuse that you are simply ‘looking for loose change that might have slipped down the crack in their ass’ won’t go down too well in court.

Dear Gregor
If girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice, how comes they taste of anchovies? 

Try purchasing salt-reduced humans for consumption. I’ve found that by reducing the amount of salt I eat with my humans, my blood pressure has dropped. Sure, salt-reduced humans may be a little more expensive, but given the alternatives – be it a life of heart trouble or having to shell out the big bucks for totally organic human meat – it’s a small price to pay.

Dear Gregor
Why doesn’t my daddy love us anymore? 

Because you’ve been bad. That’s why he left you and mommy alone in the house. He hates you for ruining his life, by burdening him with a responsibility that his weak male ego was unable to bear. It’s also because you look a little too much like the postman.

Dear Gregor
Which came first – the chicken or the egg?

Well, it’s quite obvious that the chicken came first, because without an egg there would be no chickens. No, wait… it was the egg that came first, because without chickens there are no eggs. Shit. Umm. I think they arrived at the same time. Yes. Yes, that’s it… the answer to your question relies upon the order in which you unpack your groceries after a trip to the supermarket.

Dear Gregor
I am a man, yet I struggle to maintain interest in sports. What’s wrong with me? Is there an operation I can have? 

Yes, there is. Try a lobotomy. Then you’ll find baseball the most interesting thing in the world.

If you’ve got a question that you think Gregor might be able to answer, send your question stapled to an A$10 note and your editor will try to remember what the cash was for, but will probably drink it anyway.

This piece first appeared in Gregor’s head, then it moved out and lived at Rum & Mon key for a while until someone put it out on the nature strip for the Council Pick up

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