Story and Post by Emmjay

OK, well, I have to admit that I personally cannot stand rap music – I hesitate to call it music at all – especially that misogynist shit, but this hip hop clip inspired me to look and listen to rap from a senior perspective.

It strikes me that the kind of rap coming out of black ghettos in the so called United States is every kind of bad. But I thought, maybe if the topic was not so much violence against gangsta hoes but a topic closer to senior sensibilities, we could be onto some kin d of connection that might drag the fans of Ray Coniff Orchestra and Geoff Harvey’s Big Band (the late great Geoff Harvey … or was it Jeff ?) into the 21st century.

So, for your pleasure, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Cultivation-Rap.

C-Rap for Gardeners. (language warning).

I hate them fuckin aphids
Fuckin aphids, fuck eh,
Me an my crew gunna fuckin squash dem to a pulp
Fucken aphids, fucken aphids yo

An dem dirty fucken snails is de worstest fucken bugs
We’s gunna salt dair fucken arses
An squash dair fucken mugs.

We gunna shovel on some cow shit
Ta make de roses grow but mainly coz it pisses off

the fucken neighbours, yo  ep. ep. ep. yo.