Story by Emmjay

Merv’s Mum soon acquired the nickname “M&M” – named after her favourite post-Maccas snack.

It startled Big M to see her in the garden tearing up and eating his prized radishes.  For some reason the image of a horse floated around the back of Big M’s eyes and projected a startling image of Big M’s barbied steak sans condiments.  It was clearly the end of his supply of horse radish.

M&M was certainly a sticky proposition and he could well understand the B&B “no-Vacancy” signs hastily put up by the lady bowlers, Hedgie’s missus and even Hedgie’s brother “Clipper” who, at the time was delivering to the la Salle de Porc patrons our favourite herbal remedy.

Mrs M, while vaguely remembering her own gran’s predilection for ironing the sheets, demonstrated in the flesh that sheet-ironing had poor heritability and could reasonably be judged to have no post-dilection.  She (Mrs M) was surprised that M&M did not actually wash the sheets and dry them before ironing.  Which, one supposes was why things became a bit sticky.

But the real point – as Hung would say – was not to start a discussion on the state of Family M linen.  So it’s time to go back to M&M…… ah da~n !  I’ve run out of …… the letter….  just after “L” in the alphabet and to the right of “N” on the keyboard.  You’ll have to apply some i~agination and bring your own ~s to the story.

Big ~ became very distressed when ~&~ nanaged to wedge herself in the hallway.  The very hallway that Big ~ had renovated in Episode 34.  Don’t go and look it up, I just used that as a placeholder and I’~ going to forget to replace it with the proper reference, because I’~ sloppy like that when I get busy {Editor’s note}.

Where was I ?  Oh yes, I left ~&~ stuck in Big ~’s hallway.

Big ~ thought hard.  With no inspiration forthco~ing, he tried thinking soft.  “We need some butter”, he said.

~&~ frowned, re~e~bering the scene from “Last Tango in Paris” where ~arlon Brando used butter to get in the back door of ~aria Schneider’s house.  But ~&~ was blocking access to the kitchen.  “Go around the back !” shouted ~rs ~. “But I haven’t got any butter” replied Big ~.  “There’s a hole in the bucket” sang ~rs ~.  “What bucket ?” said Big ~, who by this time had gotten tired of the “exhausted M supply” joke. “Forget it, Big” she said. “I don’t think we’ll be able to shift the horse” she added, returning to the joke in the second paragraph.  “We’re going to have to pull the whole house down”.

Big frowned – a big frown.  “I’ve got a better idea.  Why don’t we put her on a diet of water and fresh air for a while ?”  Mrs M smiled. “I’ll ring up Foodge and see whether we can borrow one of George’s kitty litter trays.”

M&M frowned a much bigger frown than Big – who was contemplating how he was going to get to the kitchen.  … nothing …..  – who was contemplating whether he would light up some of Hedgie’s herbal remedy …. and remembered that this was a short-term alternative that would inevitably lead him back to the kitchen access problem.

“While you’re on the line, can you ask Foodge to organise a shipment of Granny’s wedges, please.  I’m feeling peckish.  I think I’ll go and have a lie down on those freshly-ironied sheets”.