AJ Abbott - Lord of the Drains - Apologies to Ivan Albright

Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula

In the Coalitious Swamps in the jungles of Transtoriania dwell the Effinglibs.  Their leader is the evil Lord of the Drains.  The Lord of the Drains is reputed to have clothes made from souls of the dead and from recycled body parts and equipment of Harold the Great of Portsea and a relic of Howard the Horrible.

Since childhood, the Lord of the Drains has been the black hole of mirth and generosity for the Effinglibs and is known for his fierce negativity.  The Oracle of Warragamba it is said, holds that if two Lords of the Drains were lain end to end, they would repulse each other and draw unto them at each of their polls, the wicked, ignorant, megawealthy overlords of Strip Miningg.

The Lord of the Drains has a lifetime quest to find great wealth in the Caves of Frakking.  The road to his eldorado is paved with the dried and dusty bones of the powerless Solaria tribe who have been sunjugated by the Unicorns of Laboria and lay strewn on the fields of Open Cuttia, Long Wallia and the Lands of Subsidia.

It is written in the scrolls of Hansardia that Peter the Great and Penny the Stern Witch of Wongomia had tried to defend the powerless Solaria but lacking the support of the 5 Swans a Swimming, they were forced to flee to the safety of the Woods of Backbenchia.  Fearing the wrath of the Bishop of the Death Stare, they have not been seen since visiting the Advisors of Media.

The Red Witch of Yarralumla has cast a carbonian spell on the Kind and Queen of Minallovus which can only be lifted by the Lord of the Drains and the Efflinglibs by wielding the great sword of the polls and killing the Red Witch of Yarralumla with a single stroke to the neck.

Fortunately for the Solaria, the Red Witch of the Yarralumla is protected by the silver shield of Tim O’Shampoo, Prince Steve and Count Melucky of the Trade-Weighted Indices and can only be in danger if the Great Banks of Reservia smote the interest rates and witness the Treasure of Exchangeria Ratus being plundered by the short selling traders of Forexia.

But all is not well in the Halls of the Effinglibs.  Some say the Giant of Hockania and the Minotaur of Turnbillia are this very day plotting to block the Lord of the Drains with the Undermining Wads of Cashola.  It is said that they fear that the Lord of the Drains has no battle plan and the Effinglibs will face slaughter on the Plains of Electoratia.

Tunic next week and see whether The Duchess of Pynea will save the Lord of the Drains and the Effinglibs from certain doom.