Glenda’s other half Danny sloped in through the front door of the Pig’s Arms and made a beeline for Merv. He’s been doing it tough since the GFM and his used car yard “Dodgy City” has been empty since he’s been unable to offer his traditional “No-deposit Easy Finance”.
A schooner of Trotter’s, thanks. I’m totally over being governed through a bullshit conflict-driven political process. His brow furrowed. He continued.
The Opposition, desperately lookin’ for relevance have pushed me over the top with the UteGate Affair. It completely defies logic.
Merv pretended to polish a glass and was quietly contemplating the odds on Wal’s dog “Leichhardt Flash” at Dapto tonight. “Yeah ?”
Why would a Prime Minister and his Treasurer put their necks on the line for a mate whose sole interest is supposed to be extracting a favour and getting a foot in the trough through the loan or gift of something so trivial as a bloody ute ? Particularly when the bloke’s cashed up to the gills anyway ?
If a national leader was interested in a bit of baksheesh, surely something on the scale of a contract for reconstructing the Middle East or flogging a few hundred million dollars worth of, let’s say, a major export grain crop, would be more in the line of a fair quid-pro-quo for taking the risk.
Even if there was something really on the nose and Utegate allegations could for some crazy reason be true, who could possibly donate a rodent’s anus ?
Yes, yes. Upholding standards, moral this, example for the nation that, blah blah blah.
I have two words for the Leader of the Opposition.
Trotters Ale ? Yeah thanks.
No, – “British Parliament” – rorting their allowances to get the British taxpayer to pay for such essentials as repairs to the family moat. That’s surely the gold standard in skunk work. Not counting grain sales amnesia.
Merv said he was a bit ashamed that all the Australian Parliament can come up with is Peter Reith’s phone bill and possibly Kevin’s Ute plus a couple of nudges and winks. “If I was the Leader of the Opposition, I’d bury that last one in case the rest of the world thought we weren’t taking the GFC and the AGW and rampant corporate corruption seriously.”
Danny finished the last of his foamy Trotters and continued “In case nobody on the Opposition bench – and let’s face it, there are quite a few falling into that category – has noticed it, there’s this thing called Australia that needs to be governed – thankfully not by a pack of banjo players who want to flog dead horses with the flimsiest bullshit that they can dream up to try to assassinate the character of the elected folks.”
What’s the message to me and the rest of the Australian voters ? “You must be fuckwits for voting for these scoundrels !”
I mean, what car flogger hasn’t petitioned his local MP for a kick-in for hard times ?
It’s just a ute. Not a gazillion barrels of sweet light crude. Just a ute and maybe also a nod and a wink, possibly. For Pete’s sake, I’d give the leader of the Opposition leader a ute too. Or at least a ride in Emmjay’s Zephyr.
Merv came over all serious “But good government depends on good Opposition. Perhaps the Opposition needs to have what that means spelled out. It’s not, as the halfwit adage goes “The job of the Opposition is to oppose”. I would suggest that the job of the opposition is to assist, encourage, even force the Government to improve legislation – itself a big call. To disagree with the bantamweight policy and flyweight delivery – and (here’s the rub) come up with something better.”
“Sure” he went on, speaking to the politician in his head, “represent your narrow sectional interests and peddle yesterday’s stale ideology (if in fact they have an ideology), but for Australia’s sake, they ought to get up off their fat bronze and DO SOME REAL WORK !”
“Amen to that. Listen, can I use your mobile, Merv. I’ve got to give Tony a call. Do you have a fax ?”
Pic borrowed from http://www.barkingcarnival.com – with thanks.