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Merv was looking glum. He was an expert at looking glum ever since Janet had joined the pudding club. But this time he was not thinking of an unresolved itch in his corduroy strides. He was thinking about Manne.
Jesus, granny. Look at this….. he handed over a crumpled print of an Email addressed to Manne …. it read ……
Good day Dear gentleman,
Please don’t be astonished. This letter isn’t spam mailing and doesn’t contain any commercial information. This is a one-time massage, which you are going to receive from this address.
The inquiry on searching for a love couple that you have left on the dating website, have finally been considered. Today we would like to bring astonishing words – you got the possibility to alter your life path. We provide you with a great possibility to build serious relations. According to your searching wants we’ve chosen for you an ideal couple.
We would like to give you interim info about this lass:
Her name is Natalja, she is 35 y.o. and she is from Russian Federation. The girl isn’t married and has no children. She doesn’t smoke and don’t imbibe.
She is a young, calm, goal seeking and active lass, which lacks warmth and endearment in this great world. Her cheerfulness has no limits – her sports activity is a good confirmation to that. Going out for a walk, love towards nature and plants makes our candidate a romantic one. Maybe in future you could see the sunrise together, walking by the river, holding each other’s hands. Your happiness is in your hands now!
And this is only one part of all the positive criteria, which we were describing to you about this handsome lady.
At the moment our mission is finished.
If you would like to continue your communication with this charming girl, then you can send her a letter on her personal e-mail address – devochkanata@yahoo.com (don’t go there, OK !)
We wish you good luck! Bring love and be beloved!
=================================================
Oh, Oh, said gran. He bit me for a twenty to go towards an airfare …….
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
during the early days of my divorce i was very popular with russian girls…i found each and every one them had the same sad story. They all 1) orphans, 2) nurses or studying to be a nurse, 3) within a few weeks of their birthday and very lonely because they had no boyfriend to celebrate with 4) convinced I was the most handsome and kind man on the planet and their one and only soulmate (and just from looking at my picture they could tell) and 5) they just happened to have some alluring, professionally snapped photos of themselves in various states of near undress. I was plenty crazy back then but not enough to send any of the ladies any money…a fella I knew sent one money to buy a visa and an airline ticket and ended up sitting at the airport waiting for his true love who (shockingly) never arrived.
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Who said money can’t buy happiness?
Since I need my hands in full functioning order, the only effective online alternative to biting my tongue is to unplu
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She’s a very young looking 35 year old.
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Well, 35 sure aint what it used to be, Algy.
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Well I suppose 35’s the new 18, Emm.
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I used to get massages from her too. What a floozy.
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The whole thing gives me cause for concern. Helvi said that Manne had gone to their farm to help out, then disappeared. Foodge claimed that Manne was in South America with Neville big game fishing, or making films. Neville Cole denies any knowledge of Manne’s whereabouts.
Clearly this Russian seductress has had her way with him, but, where is he now? One would think he’d be back at the Public bar, tail between his legs, and a new raffle for a vegetarian meat tray?
Curiouser and curiouser.
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Well if she’s had her evil way with him, M, he’s probably still brushing the sand off his thongs.
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Big M, the last I saw of Manne when he left by train to go Madeleine’s place to help her to pull out some invasive Bamboo in her backyard…Emmjay can confirm that…
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I hope it wasn’t GM bamboo!
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Oh the splinters.
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Dangerous stuff Manne. Good luck, it was nice knowin’ ya 🙂
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You’re not fooling ME!
This gorgeous creature is NOT a man!
And I don’t believe she doesn’t imbibe either. Look at her eyes!
Her EYES, I said!
They have completely imbibed me!
Poor thing lacking “warmth and endearment in this great world” though!
That’s the russians for you.: calm, active, full of goals but.. they just lack that warmth and endearment!
Give me a sunrise with her -or a sunset for that matter- a glass of ouzo and a couple of olives and she’ll be ready for goals!
Many, many goals that she will hit between Matins and Vespers or vice versa.
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Oh atomou, the Russians have built you a Greek Orthodox church over here and it’s packed full of enDearments! Is there some other warmth of which you speak here?
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And this very lass serves the tea on a sunday morning!
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The lass is gorgeous and I’d even contemplate (for a second or two) seeing the light and becoming religious, just to take a glass of ouzo from her sweet hands.
However, the church of which you speak, Lehan, is a church looking for a parish and a congregation. It’s a russian orthodox church and, you know how the russians are, calm, active, full of goals but.. they just lack that warmth and endearment!
But, like I said, give me a Matins or a Vespers with the lass and she will receive the knowledge… of warmth and endearment!
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Were you to see the light, atomou, you would accept a cup of lukewarm over-brewed milk-a-bit-off tea from her sweet hands just as eagerly as a glass of ouzo.
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Maybe you should take another look at the photograph.
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That’s the one that came with the message. Authentic.
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See atomou? She’s really the tea lady, emmjay confirmed it.
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Sorry emmjay, did you say it’s the photo that came with the massage?
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Is that in lieu of a receipt?
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Aside from the fact that I hope we have legitimately published the photo of a beautiful young woman with her permission, I am thinking on my friend, who I will call Tob. Tob even had poster prints he made of the beautiful lasses who corresponded with him by email when he had the misfortune of being left after some years of marriage. Sadly for him, he never heard from them again, regardless protestations of love when the detail he included of his bank account doing as they asked (sending money) revealed his account was with the Police Union. It truly did not occur to him for a while the Police Union label was unattractive.
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‘Shoe, do you reckon that Manne’s address c/- the Pig’s Arms will draw a lot of traffic for him ? 🙂
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‘Straight into these arms, fat chance’, said Merv, ‘he must be like that bloke Tob! Too honest! Should tell some pork-pies!’
🙂
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Emmjay, I suppose Manne would likely send a sneaky photo of The Ladies Room renovation in his own packet of information acting la-di-da. 😉
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“Hair Brushing”, says Merv. I reckon they’ve done a bit of Hair Brushing”.
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“One of those Mongolian scam thingies.” says Merv.
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“We should never have let him sign up for one of those Credible Cards. I knew he’d get into trouble. I’m all out of clean tea-towels.” says Merv.
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