AJ Abbott - Lord of the Drains - Apologies to Ivan Albright
Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula
In the Coalitious Swamps in the jungles of Transtoriania dwell the Effinglibs. Their leader is the evil Lord of the Drains. The Lord of the Drains is reputed to have clothes made from souls of the dead and from recycled body parts and equipment of Harold the Great of Portsea and a relic of Howard the Horrible.
Since childhood, the Lord of the Drains has been the black hole of mirth and generosity for the Effinglibs and is known for his fierce negativity. The Oracle of Warragamba it is said, holds that if two Lords of the Drains were lain end to end, they would repulse each other and draw unto them at each of their polls, the wicked, ignorant, megawealthy overlords of Strip Miningg.
The Lord of the Drains has a lifetime quest to find great wealth in the Caves of Frakking. The road to his eldorado is paved with the dried and dusty bones of the powerless Solaria tribe who have been sunjugated by the Unicorns of Laboria and lay strewn on the fields of Open Cuttia, Long Wallia and the Lands of Subsidia.
It is written in the scrolls of Hansardia that Peter the Great and Penny the Stern Witch of Wongomia had tried to defend the powerless Solaria but lacking the support of the 5 Swans a Swimming, they were forced to flee to the safety of the Woods of Backbenchia. Fearing the wrath of the Bishop of the Death Stare, they have not been seen since visiting the Advisors of Media.
The Red Witch of Yarralumla has cast a carbonian spell on the Kind and Queen of Minallovus which can only be lifted by the Lord of the Drains and the Efflinglibs by wielding the great sword of the polls and killing the Red Witch of Yarralumla with a single stroke to the neck.
Fortunately for the Solaria, the Red Witch of the Yarralumla is protected by the silver shield of Tim O’Shampoo, Prince Steve and Count Melucky of the Trade-Weighted Indices and can only be in danger if the Great Banks of Reservia smote the interest rates and witness the Treasure of Exchangeria Ratus being plundered by the short selling traders of Forexia.
But all is not well in the Halls of the Effinglibs. Some say the Giant of Hockania and the Minotaur of Turnbillia are this very day plotting to block the Lord of the Drains with the Undermining Wads of Cashola. It is said that they fear that the Lord of the Drains has no battle plan and the Effinglibs will face slaughter on the Plains of Electoratia.
Tunic next week and see whether The Duchess of Pynea will save the Lord of the Drains and the Effinglibs from certain doom.
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
It’s Dorian Grey on acid, isn’t it?
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On, AND in!
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Venise, lovely to have you over at the pub. It IS indeed Dorian Grey on acid. Waz made it so !
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I suspect you are aiming for a trilogy, but, the way Australian politics is going, it will become a multi-volume collector’s set (printed in limit printing days, with a unique hand written number on the back of every volume).
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Big, negotiations are under way with the Franklin Mint as we speak. Can I put you down for a set ?
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Oh, me, yes, I’ll get one from the first ten million printing days.
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Hmmm, I can see we’ve got a problem in the Coalitious Swamps, in the jungles of Transtoriania and I really don’t like what’s going on in the Caves of Frakking.
Time I think for me to send three of my best: Jason of Argonia, Theseus of Minitauria and Herr Killusarse of Lerneania.
They’ll… “take care” of that miserable Lord of Drania and reinstall the true Lord of the Rings, T. Urn Bulliarse, rightful holder of the sceptre of the Swamps. Then Herr Killusarse might even go down to the halls of Hades to bring back Harold of Portsea. He didn’t have much fun the last time he went down there to bring to the light of day, Cerberus, the big, polycephalic hound that guarded the gates of the Netherworld, and Theseus, the benign Lord of Athenia, land of Democratia and Libertatia.
All will be well, now comrades of fantasia! All shall be well!
(Unless Agamemnon of Ruddia comes around again and stuffs up all our plans! Hmmm, I might also send Argos Panoptes to keep a look out for that.)
Emms, you’re worser that me!
🙂
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I’d call it a tie, ‘Mou. I did like particularly Turn Bulliarse and Her Kullusarse. I think I can see a walk on part for them in the next episoda.
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I look forward to the Duchess of Pynea poodling around as the handmaiden of the Lord of the Drains uttering inanities that make little or no sense whatsoever in coming episodes. What with the Hunters and Robbers telling us that carbonia is good for us all or Barbarbias on his dragon confusing the hell out of the Brazillians.
Great read there Emmster.
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Thanks, Algy. I suspect that the Duchess of Pynea is facing a sticky end – hopefully.
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Fabulous indeed… a wonderful vision Warrigal… one can only hope that its prediction is accurate!
🙂
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Fabulous, Warrigal! And I’ve only looked at the piccie and read the first sentence! Better read the rest of it now…
🙂
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Seems my phone security is leaking like everything else at the tail end of our wet summer. This is a recent photo of me in my sitting room, including the cat which hasn’t been able to move since it woke with a green carapace after sitting down a couple of days earlier. When/if the rain stops I must bathe the lot in Borax and try to dig through to a window.
Emmjay – I’m certain you would not knowingly have committed plagiarism, yet this fantasy tale sounds strangely familiar. 🙂
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And there’s me thinking that you were the calender girl 🙂
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Do you blame a blockage in the Drains, our Voice ? I think caustic is the only way to go. Plaidgeraniums – surely you praise too much !
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Had a few glorious hours of sunshine today so put cat and myself through the dishwasher together with various household bits and pieces. Then managed to deflea the cat, vacuum all cat areas, and get several loads of bedding (both cat and human) dry in the sun in the hopes of flea control before the rain started falling again.
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It’s just like ‘Lord of the Rings’ only really interesting, and funny! Excellent work young man.
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Sorry, Big, I just didn’t have the budget for a larger cast. And there’s only just so much running around you can do in New Zealand before you fall off the edge of the universe.
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You did well, I can’t describe the Ring trilogy in more than ten words!
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Abbottia looks like something out of the landia of Dickensia, gotten stuck in chimnyia. He looking very paleia of lateia. Perhaps unrequitedia loveia or medicalia problemia with funny walkia and swaggeria. Perhaps just a case of pilesia.
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When one of the grandsons was about three years old, he used to add an ‘a’ at the end of some words; He told the kids in the holiday cottage, ‘go home, this is my farmia’, ‘I’m going to tell my Mamia’, ‘when I grow up I want go to schoolia’….
Looks like Emmjay still talks in that fashion 🙂 Nice one, also excellent mischief from Warrigal.
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Thank you H.
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Gloriously funny. 10/10
Love Tim O’Shampoo and Count Melucky. I can’t add a thing!
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Well, I can !!
According to The SMH, today, Viscoont Paul Howe, owns the ALP. Even wrote the treasure’s ‘swan song’ to Comrade Bludd.
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I don’t believe you?
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Right that’s it. When the fearful Lord of the Drains is standing in the wings of the 5 Swans a Swimming looking as furtive as a Muckraker dressed up as a Banquo it’s time to worry about the spill. I’m heading north to winter.
🙂
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