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~ The Home Pub of the Famous Pink Drinks and Trotter's Ale

Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

Monthly Archives: December 2012

One Kilo of Prawns and The Robe

31 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by gerard oosterman in Gerard Oosterman

≈ 12 Comments

One Kilo of Prawns and The Robe

December 30, 2012

seafood-snow_peas_and_prawns-zoom

You’ll be pleased to know that the kilo of Christmas prawns has been eaten. The last forty or so of them were one day past their stamped bed-time date and just starting to get this whiff of being off. To my surprise prawns were out at this year’s Christmas. How was I to know? Things and fashions move so fast now-a-days. It’s all salads now with spinach leaves and roasted almonds, with lots of aromatic herbal balsamatic ‘infusion.’ Infusion has made inroads lately; we have to have things that are infused. Has anyone noticed that too? A few years ago, it was ‘logistics’ closely followed by ‘solutions.’ No one had problems, solutions only were allowed. The local butcher sold meat solutions, not just plain meat. Still, waste not; want not, I went solemnly and on my own through the entire kilo of prawns. Glad it is all over for another year.

We now hurl ourselves towards the New Year and grandsons were eyeing the sparklers yesterday at Big W. Thank goodness we have a skate park just across the road. They love it and Thomas especially. He wore a hole in his right shoe where he propels himself forward on the skate-board down the steep concrete slope and then up again at the opposite side.  While suspended in mid-air he makes a 180 degree turn around and goes down yet again.

I suggested I would take some photos but howls of protest ensued. They don’t want an old fogey in front of their skating and scooting friends. They call everybody ‘guys’ now, don’t they? Even girls are now guys.  It is nice to be so young and lively. I suppose, training for making backward turns does no harm, an imitation and good practice of life to come. Come on you guys, can you do the back-flip? Sure can. Look at me, yippee. I suppose if girls can join the group name as ‘guys’, why not then also include the boys as ‘gals’. It would be fair. Perhaps that era is yet to come. Come on you gals let’s do a back flip with a somersault. Up, back, and down again.

Call me a curmudgeon if you like, but I still yearn for the years when we had ‘blokes and sheilas.’ At the back of Parramatta girls home, as the teen-age boys were wont to brag; you could pick up a sheila for a good root for a malted milkshake, against a six foot paling fence. It was all so much more wholesome and honest. Sex was a quickie after trying out a bit of a fondle while watching Ben Hur at the local cinema, breaths all vinegar chips and chewing gum.

Perhaps it is all a yearning whereby facts and fantasy are now playing havoc. It was never THAT good. I do remember though, as if yesterday, getting my hand to rest, momentarily, on Mavis’ left thigh while she was all agog over Victor Mature in the Cinemascopic triumph of ’The Robe’.

untitledthe robe

Well, on left thigh is a bit exaggerated. It was really the edge of her knee, my hand precariously hovering to the point of almost dropping off. It was difficult enough to get a date, even more difficult to become intimate enough for an evening to the Burwood cinema with a real sheila. It was only after I mentioned The Robe, that Mavis felt safe to accompany a migrant reffo boy. This migrant boy having blond hair and from Holland was more than a mitigating circumstance in able to pull off a date. At least, not a dago. She wouldn’t have been seen dead with a swarthy knife puller. The Robe in full Cinemascope had enough religious overtones for Mavis to overcome any doubts of inappropriate behavior. ‘It would be as safe as one could possibly get,’ she must have sighed in her final acceptance.

The advent of Cinemascope was very cutting-edge technology and it held great promise. The Robe was advertised on posters with the audience just about inside the action or at the very minimum surrounded by a giant screen.  My intentions were less religiously oriented than Mavis’, much more real world. I wanted to be able to tell my friends of finally having touched the holy grail of all teenage boys ambitions, a real thigh, even if fully clothed. A couple of inches away from its so much sought after destination would be acceptable too. Even with the hand in between two legs could, with some solitary conjuring up later on, be at least thought of as being on the right track.

The Hammond organ rose majestically from the bowels of the cinema. A white suited Liberace doppelganger belted out a very sweet ‘Yellow rose of Texas.’ The suspense was palpable with the promise of Cinemascope still hidden behind giant curtains. Next, came the obligatory ‘God save the Queen’. Mavis and I with most of the patrons stood up as was the mode at the time. A few remained seated. They were the rebellious rock and roll anti Queen and Country bodgies and widgies.

After those preliminaries, the organ with the white suit vanished into the bowels again and lights were switched off. Apart from the pervasive redolent vinegar chips rustling about, you could hear a pin drop. The curtains slid open and exposed acres of screen with giant sound boxes on each side. The Robe announced itself with a thunderous roll call of drums and trumpets. Let the action begin!

I am afraid that my intentions were less pure than Mavis’ who wanted to gain insight into the story of The Robe. She remained transfixed to the screen and even the appearance of Victor Mature’ jutting profile did not add much mellowing of her ram-rod body language towards my side of the seat. If anything, she moved slightly away from me and I sensed rigidity. I suppose, the theme of the movie where Roman soldiers and Greek slaves are in mortal conflict fighting over God’s Robe wasn’t really suitable for any erotic conquests of a thigh. My hand did manage for a split second to hover on the previously mentioned knee when I realized and accepted the hopelessness of it all.

I decided to wait for a more suitable movie and a girl with more welcoming and pliable thighs. Some years later I finally achieved my hand on a welcoming thigh. The movie, I remember it well, was ‘Tammy.’

Tags: Christmas, Prawns, Tammy, The Robe, Victor Mature Posted in Gerard Oosterman | Edit |

Family Favourites at the Pig’s Arms Part 1

30 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon, Bands at the Pig's Arms, Entertainment Upstairs, Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

Blondie, Blue Oyster Cult, Buena Vista Social Club, Diana Krall, elvis presley, Graham Parker and the Rumour, Jean Sibelius, Julie London, Katie Melua, Midnight Oil, Mungo Jerry, Phoebe Snow, Shocking Blue, Sir John Betjamin, the Bee Gees, The Drifters

algy pigs fam fav 1

Playlist Compiled by Algernon and Warrigal Mirriyuula

I’ve been spending some time trawling through the archives looking at older lists. I’ve compiled a lists of the favourites being those which had the most comments. There were many so over the next weeks and months I’ll bundle them up so they can be enjoyed again

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJVlrhWaZhA&feature=fvwrel

Graham Parker & The Rumour – Don’t Ask Me Questions

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNBh73L88r0

Late Flowering Lust -Sir John Betjeman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yr8xDSPjII8

Diana Krall – The Look Of Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fgwr3wrenkQ

Jean Sibelius – Finlandia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4dbvMgJMno

Blue Oyster Cult – The Last Days Of May

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnFfKbxIHD0

The Buena Vista Social Club – Chan Chan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7OxTVxGhHFM

Phoebe Snow – Poetry Man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=rH73D8KAgpM

Julie London – Two Sleepy People

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3FQwovIJw0

Wedding Cake Island – Midnight oil

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPEqRMVnZNU

Under the Boardwalk – The Drifters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aa911_8TP2s

Heart of Glass – Blondie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LhkyyCvUHk

Venus – Shocking Blue

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPuKoqu6kMk

Viva Las Vegas – Elvis Presley

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mc5oqjFsT5g

Massachusetts – The Bee Gees

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHQG6-DojVw

Nine Million bicycles – Katie Melua

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlZ7x9u9wLY

Summertime – The Troggs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvUQcnfwUUM

In the summertime – Mungo Jerry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Diving on the Flight Deck – the Director’s Cut

30 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Global Warming, rising sea levels

Water Music at the Sydney Opera House

Water Music at the Sydney Opera House

http://www.abc.net.au/stateline/nsw/content/2004/s1156736.htm

Story and Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula

Benny sat down on the crumbling edge of the warm rust stained concrete, the high tide lapping below his flippered feet. It was a beautiful sunny day again and Benny closed his eyes and lifted his face to the light.

“Visibility should be fantastic,” he sang out over his shoulder, the sunlight boiling red through his closed lids.

Dropping his head, he spat into the visor of his diving mask and rubbed the spit around the glass. Ensuring the straps didn’t twist, he put the mask on, checked the seal, connected the air supply and tested the flapper valves just to be sure. He looked at his watch. It was 11:30AM; the sun, almost overhead, would light the depths of the lagoon beautifully.  He needed about two hours, he reckoned.

“Hey Fish, ya right, tied off?” Benny shouted over his shoulder, waiting just long enough to hear, “Yeah, off ya go.”

waz diving-on-the-flight-deckBenny slipped into the water, sorted out his line, then with a pike and a kick, set off down the concrete face of the wall as Fish began to turn the wheel on the air pump.

Like it’s highrise neighbours on this section of what had been Pittwater Road, The Flight Deck, once a landmark Collaroy beachside apartment tower, had been demolished down to the fifth floor when volcanism in the west Antarctic rift had destabilised the overlying ice. The sudden spike in atmospheric CO2 had put paid to any further debate about the climate when the Greenland and West Antarctic ice had let go completely and sea level rose nearly twenty metres in just a couple of decades.

When the high tide had regularly begun washing at the foundations of the buildings, they were abandoned and unceremoniously snapped off; the rubble pushed over the seaward side to create a breakwater to hold back the worst tidal and storm surges that now came regularly from early spring.

The government project had been part of a last ditch attempt to geo engineer a solution for Sydney to rising sea levels. It had never been finished. Over time, first the money, then the will began to run out. Eventually the collapse of the supporting supply chain meant that even the decision to cease work became moot. Several breakwaters had been achieved on some of the northern beaches but the huge sea gates across Sydney Heads were abandoned at a stage that left only two vast, complex, towering blocks of concrete anchored in the very sandstone of the heads themselves. No doubt they’d still be there when the sandstone had all been erroded back to sand.

Here on the landside of Collaroy Lagoon, the protected conditions meant the water was calm. Benny figured he might be able to find a way down into the old foyer.  He’d heard stories from other divers about the demolished and partially submerged tower. He wanted to salvage the chunky ceramic wings that had greeted tenants and their guests in the main lift lobby.

As he descended the water was wonderfully clear, almost as if it wasn’t there at all; as though it were perhaps a heavier kind of air that Benny was flying through. He felt perfectly at home underwater. Benny pulled up, taking a pause for a look around.

Visibility was almost unlimited. Through a large school of dashing Yellowfin juveniles he could see all the way to the bottom, mottled and moving in the dancing beams of submarine sunlight. He kicked off again and stroked his way deeper. A little way off he could make out the dissolving stumps of the Norfolk Pines that had surrounded the car park and just beyond that, showing through the accumulating bottom debris, he could make out the surface and line markings on Pittwater Road. Commuter traffic was low today, Benny mused darkly; and he thought again, as he often did, of those lost and wasted years Poppy had told him about. When people had endlessly argued about climate change but never seemed to do anything about it.

“Change is what happens in life.” Benny mentally confirmed as he swam deeper. “Trying to hold anything in place is a waste of energy.”

Well it had all changed now and Benny didn’t really mind. He’d read books, seen pictures, and sure enough it all looked wonderful, but it was all gone now. You can’t miss what you’ve never had. Better to “go with the flow”. It was an expression that Fish used. Benny liked it. It suited his feeling for life. It had an economy that Benny often thought profound.

This period of fast dynamic change was all Benny had ever known and he loved diving on the old beach side apartment blocks. Stripped of all their re-useable materials they had become high-rise concrete reefs, home to dazzling darting fish and the Bronze Reefers; a pretty little shark that had come inshore from the open ocean and downsized in response to rising sea temperatures. Benny had tried to befriend a pack on his last dive on the Flight Deck and received a nasty bight for his troubles. They were smaller than their forebears but no less aggressive. A few stitches had put that right and today he had Fish’s home brewed shark repellent. They wouldn’t want a second bight. The stuff smelled just awful.

Benny pulled up a few metres from the bottom. All around him in the dappled half-light swam fish of every conceivable colour. On the bottom crabs crawled and various brachiopods where beginning a tenuous tenancy on any clear piece of concrete; there was algae everywhere, sponges and soft corals, and the plant life was a riot of forms and functions. Perhaps this was the beginning of a new speciation as old habitats were abandoned and the littoral zone moved onshore. This new territory was the prize for those creatures that could make the best, most efficient use of the resources this fresh environment contained. “Precious”, Benny thought as he swam off toward the gloom of the old lobby.

They were the first of the new wave. It might take another million years before this incipient speciation replaced all the benthic and pelagic animals and plants that had been lost in the last few decades.  Reef corals were going well though. Benny had dived on the submerged spine of Long Reef and was surprised at how much new coral growth there was in these warming waters. Benny had seen pictures of The Great Barrier Reef, but it was long gone; dissolved away as ocean temperatures and acidity increased, leaving a sun bleached skeleton, battered and broken by the cyclones of summer and then finally submerged as the sea rose. These isolated little southerly coral colonies basking in the warm shallows promised a big future if they could just hang on and sea level didn’t rise or fall too much for a while.

Benny checked his watch. Ten minutes.

He gave his line the double tug that alerted Fish that he was entering the Flight Deck’s lobby. He switched on his lamp and immediately the dimensionless dark filled with colour and movement. Thrown into stark relief by the hard blue white light, brightly coloured fish danced with their black, hard-edged shadows, flitting across the walls of the submerged foyer.

Making sure not to snag his air line, Benny made his way into the black of the lift lobby, his lamp revealing the chunky silver and red ceramic wings he’d come for; a dream of flight, of the freedom of the air, now lost and forgotten to a new dark watery reality. In the bright lamplight the vitreous surface of the tiles showed little wear or corruption for their years under water; a quick thrill rilled through Benny’s body. The wings looked great, better than he had expected.

Very little light penetrated here so the wings were free of any sort of  life, excepting a pair of ghostly white Sea Pens. “Precious” popped again like a bubble in Benny’s consciousness. He’d leave that tile in place.

Taking out the mallet and chisel, he began to prise the tiles from their wall one by one and place them in the bubble bag. It was slow, hard work and required a certain determination, given that underwater everything needs twice the energy and yet still happens as if in slow motion. A blow which might fell an ox on land, impacted with little more than a soft thud in twenty metres of water. Benny soldiered on and at last got the final tile off the wall.

Dragging the heavy bag full of tiles behind him, he exited the foyer, fully inflated the bubble bag and watched as it and its cargo ascended through the dancing light to the sparkling surface. Doing his best porpoise impression Benny followed.

As he surfaced he took off his mask and disconnected the air-line, Fish wound it in. Benny tied a line onto the floating bubble and in two strokes he was against the wall again. The tide was on the ebb and the water level was lower than when he had begun his dive. He slipped his flippers and slung them and his mask up on the deck. Gripping the end of an exposed piece of rebar he pulled himself up onto the slab that had once been the floor of a luxury apartment on the fifth level of the iconic building; the ghosts of hostesses past, and their guests, enjoying the sun and sea view. Now carpetless bare concrete, the floor slab was just part of the walk along the top of the breakwater these days. Benny pulled the bubble bag in and Fish helped him haul it up onto the deck. Dumping his weights, Benny lay down on the hot concrete, enjoying the sun as it tightened his skin with a thin salt rime.

Having deflated the bubble bag and sorted the salvaged tiles out to dry in the sun, Fish came over to Danny with a loaf of rough bread and some cheese for their lunch. It was hard work down there and Benny was ravenous.

They sat together talking quietly and tearing lumps off the bread and cheese and washing it all down with a pull on Fish’s home-distilled vodka.

That ex-military canteen seemed part of Fish and sometimes he resorted to it too often. A lot of older people tended to drink too much, or smoke too much ganga, and Fish was older than Benny by many years. They were the best of friends though, “family” since Benny’s parents died.

His Mum and Dad had lost their lives like so many others, in the fires that had raged out from the ravines and ridges of the Hawkesbury and consumed much of the leafy northern bushland suburbs in 2094. It had been a bad year for fires all over the country. The drought had been too long already and the bush was just waiting for a spark. Much of Sydney’s suburbs, all those quarter acre blocks with tidy town house duplexes, burned, and burned and burned that dreadful summer.

They had been sad days; so much loss and devastation that many of the survivors, having already endured years of turmoil and change, simply walked away, abandoning the coastal city. For a while it was common to see the main roads over the mountains to the west filled with family groups, neighbours, even groups of strangers come together for the journey, their goods and possessions heaped on an array of human and animals drawn conveyances, trekking over The Blue Mountains, hoping the future they would build in the bush might spare them the unrelenting change going on all around Australia’s seaboard. Benny had been one of those survivors, just a little boy of six, alone, until Fish had finally found him again in a children’s transit camp.

Benny remembered Poppy years ago telling Fish and his Dad that this world, the one after global warming, would be a world non-one had ever seen before. Benny was just a little boy then. He didn’t really understand what Poppy meant. How could they have not seen the world they lived in? Now that Benny was himself a man, that figure of speech seemed to hold a greater truth.

Older people had lost their book of rules. It had been made irrelevant, redundant, and obsolete. The old ways were meaningless in the face of all the change; and Benny thought that these older people, the ones still invested in that old past paradigm, they were the ones for whom this new reality was the hardest to accept, to live in.

All the “just in time” convenience, the conspicuous consumption of the late industrial age with its attendant noise and pollution, violence and inequity, as well as all its triumph and grandeur, had been burned down, broken up and washed away in the global tumult that had begun in the Twenty Fifties with the failure of the northern monsoon. Millions had starved. By the Twenty Eighties wars over water and agricultural resources, famine and disease had taken their toll and the global human population had collapsed. It seemed for a time that the human hegemony over planet Earth might be in peril as first international trade and then even contact fell away.

In Australia the population had fallen from over 30 million to something below ten, though nobody had any real clue. There hadn’t been a census for decades.

It was all before Benny was born and he had no real idea how it had all played out. Fish was deeply reluctant to remember. He seemed, like many other older people, ashamed of the past and his role in its collapse. Benny had grown up in the shadow of that shame and the pain and dislocation left in the wake of the collapse of global society. He often thought that for the older people, the survivors, this world, today’s world must be a constant admonishment, a life sentence at hard labour in a world they had made.

Fish was old school and kept faith with that past by collecting examples of all its now pointless, broken and unworkable technologies.

“What for, mate?” Benny had asked when Fish had turned up late one afternoon brandishing a disabled leaf blower, once the pride of some long gone suburban gardener.

“It’s a petrol one. Even if you could get it to turn over, where are ya gonna get the petrol?”

“Ya never know mate. Ya jus’ never know.” was all Fish had said as he rubbed the grime off the Briggs and Stratton logo, a wistful and distant smile on his face.

“But mate, it’s never gonna be the same again; there’s no clock to wind back. It just doesn’t work that way.” Benny couldn’t understand why Fish just didn’t see it. He continued to cling to a truth that had almost completely lost its meaning.

Well Benny wasn’t fussed, and even lent a hand when Fish went out hunting for some piece of early twenty first century kit. Fish had a huge collection that filled the rank grass at the rear of his shack over the back of the lagoon. He had tonnes of it and Benny had been there one day when Fish had been offered good exchange for the metalliferous junk; as scrap to be melted and remade into more practical, more relevant goods; but Fish had turned the offer down, muttering about entropy.

He vowed it was to be his retirement project to get it all working again. Benny had to laugh at that. Fish must have been sixty, if he was a day. When was this fabled retirement to be? What was “retirement” anyway? People used to retire to do the things that Benny and Fish now knew as every day life. Growing a few vegetables and fruit trees, keeping chooks, a few pigs and a cow, fishing, and fossicking for bits and pieces of useful salvage that they could Exchange – like the wings; but he wouldn’t be exchanging them. They would look great above the new fireplace he had built over the summer.

Benny was happy with his life as a “Changer”. He liked the coast, enjoyed the maritime weather and he found the constant change exciting. He knew that it could be easier inland, on The Grid, but that had its obligations too. He was still young and for the time being he was happy to be his own man, responsible only to those around him, Fish and the small community that lived on the lagoon. He could always choose to go over the mountains and get Online, join the Rebuild, but from the reports that came back over to the coast with the occasional returnee, the Rebuild seemed to be going well without him. Maybe in time, maybe if he wanted a family, the decision didn’t seem important at the moment.

Fish was now sitting on the edge of the concrete scaling his catch, the airpump and its lines all packed up. Fish was obviously quietly proud of how well the pump had worked and it occurred to Benny that the device was another example of Fish’s endless mechanical ingenuity. Fish had gotten sick of having to turn the pump continuously, so he’d modified the thing to include a pressurised air tank and flow regulator that controlled the release of air to Benny on the bottom and, importantly for Fish, allowed him to spend his time fishing, with only the occasional turn on the pump to restore pressure in the tank,. It was what Fish did best; knock up a machine in the morning, go fishing in the afternoon; and today, while Benny was salvaging the wings, Fish had pulled a bounty, a veritable piscatorial cornucopia from the lagoon and all for the price of a little ingenuity, perseverance and some salvaged bits and pieces.

“Yep, it’s a different world alright,” said Benny.

“The fishin’s much better,” replied Fish as he hacked the head off a big Leatherjacket.

That wasn’t all that was better these days. People were better Benny figured. The gradual decline of global humanity had touched everyone alive and as a result co-operation, compassion and empathy had once again risen as the primary drivers in human interaction. People looked after one another better, seemed less concerned with having things, less focussed on themselves, and Benny was certain in his heart that this time, his time, was a better time, or at least could be a better time than either Fish or his Dad, or even Poppy had lived through.

Fish wiped the blood and muck of his scaling knife and slipped it back into the sheath on his belt. He wrapped the partially prepared fish and put them on the cart. Benny loaded the tiles and their gear and then, having harnessed up, they set off together at a trot for the land end of the breakwater, falling into the rhythm of one of Fish’s old army chants.

“I don’t know but I been told.

Once ‘pon a time use’ t’ be cold.

I look around, don’t see no snow.

Them old blokes just don’t know.”

They laughed easily together and brightened the pace as the westering sun and the gentle sea breezes promised another balmy evening. Tonight they’d feast on the fish that Fish had caught while Benny was diving on The Flight Deck.

Pig’s Arms Bumper Christmas Edition 2012 – Diving on The Flight Deck

25 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in The Public Bar, The Sports Bar, Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 19 Comments

http://www.abc.net.au/stateline/nsw/content/2004/s1156736.htm

Diving on the Flight Deck

Diving on the Flight Deck

Story and Graphic by Warrigal Mirryuula

Benny sat down on the crumbling edge of the warm concrete, the water lapping at his flippered feet.  It was a beautiful sunny day again and visibility below should be fantastic.

He spat into his visor and rubbed the spit around the glass.  Ensuring the strap didn’t twist, he put the visor on and having connected the air supply, took a few deep breaths just to be sure. He checked his watch, 11:30AM, air gauge was hard up on “FULL”, he’d have about two hours.

“Hey “Fish”, ya right, tied off?”, Benny shouted over his shoulder, waiting just long enough to hear “Yeah, off ya go.” before slipping into the water, sorting out his line and then with a pike and a kick, set off down the concrete face of the wall.

Like it’s neighbours on this section of Pittwater Road, The Flight Deck too had been demolished down to the fifth floor when the Greenland and West Antarctic ice had let go and sea level rose several metres in just a few years.  Snapped off like old teeth and the rubble dropped over the seaward side to create a breakwater to hold back the worst tidal and storm surges that now came regularly in early spring.

Here on the land side, the lagoon like conditions meant the water was much calmer.  Benny figured he might be able to find a way down into the old foyer.  He’d heard stories about the now demolished and partially submerged tower. He wanted to salvage the great tiled wings that had greeted tenants and their guests in the main lift lobby.

As he’d suspected the water was clear and visibility was almost unlimited.  He could see all the way to the bottom. As he stroked and kicked his way deeper he thought of those lost and wasted years Poppy had told him about.  When people had endlessly argued about climate change but never seemed to do anything about it. “Change is what happens in life.” Benny mused.  Trying to hold anything in place was a waste of energy.  Well it had all changed now and Benny didn’t really mind.  It was all he’d ever known and he loved diving on the old beach side apartment blocks.  Stripped of all their re-useable materials they had become high-rise concrete reefs, home to dazzling darting fish and the little Bronze Reefers.  A pretty little shark that had come in from the open ocean and downsized in response to rising sea temperatures, Benny had tried to befriend a pack on his last dive on the Flight Deck and received a nasty bite for his troubles.  They were smaller than their forebears but no less aggressive.  A few stitches had put that right and today he had his mesh gloves. They weren’t going to get a second bite.

Benny pulled up a few metres from the bottom. All around him in the dappled half-light swam fish of every conceivable colour, various brachiopods where beginning a tenuous tenancy on any clear piece of concrete and the plant life was a riot of forms and functions.  Perhaps this was the beginning of a new speciation as niches were abandoned to those that could make better and more efficient use of the resources they contained.  “Precious”, Benny thought as he swam toward the gloom of the old lobby.  They were the first of the new wave.  It might take another million years before this incipient speciation replaced all the benthic animals and plants that had been lost in the last few decades.  Corals were going gangbusters though, as Benny’s dive on the submerged spine of Long Reef had revealed. The Great Barrier Reef, (Benny had only ever seen pictures), was long gone; a bleached skeleton battered and broken by the cyclones of summer. These southerly little isolated coral colonies basking in the warm shallows promised a big future if they could just hang on and sea level didn’t rise or fall too much for a while.

Benny checked his watch. Ten minutes.

He gave his line the double tug that alerted Fish that he was entering the Flight Deck’s lobby.  He switched on his lamp and immediately everything was thrown into stark relief by the hard blue white light. Brightly coloured fish danced with their black, hard edged shadows, flitting across the walls of the submerged foyer.  Making sure not to snag his line, Benny made his way into the black of the lift lobby, his lamp revealing the chunky sixties ceramic wings he’d come for; a dream of flight, of the freedom of the air, now lost and forgotten to a new watery reality.  In the bright lamp light the blue vitreous surface of the tiles showed little wear or corruption for their years under water.  As no light penetrated here, the wings were also free of pelagic life excepting a pair of ghostly white sea combs.  Benny would leave that tile in place.  “Precious” popped like a bubble in Benny’s consciousness again.

Taking out the mallet and chisel he began to prise the tiles from their wall one by one and place them in the bubble bag. It was slow, hard work and required a certain determination given that underwater everything happens as if in slow motion.  A blow which might fell an ox on land, impacted with little more than a soft thud in twenty metres of water.  Benny soldiered on and, with about ten minutes air left, exited the foyer, fully inflated the bubble bag and watched as it and its cargo ascended through the dancing light to the sparkling surface.  Doing his best dolphin impression Benny followed.

As he surfaced he saw Fish hauling the bubble bag in. Two strokes and Benny was against the wall again.  He slipped his flippers and slung them up onto the deck.  Gripping the end of an exposed piece of rebar he pulled himself up onto the slab that had once been the floor of a luxury apartment on the fifth floor of the iconic building; the ghosts of hostesses past and their guests enjoying the sea view.  The floor was now just part of the walk along the top of the breakwater. Getting out of his tanks Benny lay down on the hot concrete, enjoying the sun as it tightened his skin with a thin salt rime.

Having landed the bubble bag and sorted the salvaged tiles out to dry in the sun, Fish came over to Benny with a loaf of rough bread and some cheese for their lunch. Benny was ravenous.

They sat together quietly tearing lumps off the bread and cheese and yaffling it all down with a pull on Fish’s home brewed shine. That ex-military canteen seemed part of Fish and sometimes he resorted to it too often.  Fish was older than Benny by many years but they were the best of friends, almost family since Benny’s dad had died fighting the fires up in the mountains.  Benny remembered Poppy telling Fish and his dad that this world, the one after global warming, would be a world non-one had ever seen before. Benny was just a little boy then.  He didn’t really understand what Poppy meant.  Now that Benny was himself a man, that figure of speech seemed to hold a greater truth.  Kuhn had said something about scientists that used different paradigms literally living in different worlds; and Benny thought, not for the first time, that these older people, the ones still invested in that old past paradigm, they were the ones for whom this new reality was the hardest to accept.  Fish kept faith with that past by collecting examples of all its now pointless, broken and unworkable technologies.

“What for, mate? Benny had asked when Fish had turned up late one afternoon brandishing a disabled leaf blower that had once been the pride of some long gone suburban gardener.  “It’s a petrol one.  Even if you could get it to turn over, where are ya gonna get the petrol?”

“Ya never know mate.  Ya just never know.” was all Fish had said as he rubbed the grime off the Briggs and Stratton logo with something of a wistful and distant smile on his face.

Well Benny wasn’t fussed, and even lent a hand when Fish went out hunting for some piece of early twenty first century kit to add to the huge collection that now filled the rank grass at the rear of Fish’s shack over the back of the lagoon. He had tons of it and he vowed it was to be his retirement project to get it all working again. Benny had to laugh at that. Fish must be sixty if he’s a day.  When was this fabled retirement to be?  What was “retirement” anyway?  People used to retire to do the things that Benny thought of as every day life.  Growing a few veggies, keeping chooks, a few pigs and a cow. Fossicking for bits and pieces of useful salvage. Like the wings, which would look great above the new fireplace he had built over the summer.

“Yep, it’s a different world alright.” thought Benny; but he was certain in his heart that this time, his time, was a better time, or at least, could be a better time than either Fish and his Dad, or even Poppy had lived through.

Benny helped Fish load the tiles and the gear onto their cart and then, having harnessed up, they set of together at a trot for the land end of the breakwater. Tonight they’d feast on the fish that Fish had caught while Benny was diving on The Flight Deck.

Digital mischief also by …..    Warrigal Mirryuula

first published by the Pig’s Arms in July 2009, but cellared for your appreciation.

Pig’s Arms Bumper Christmas Edition 2012 – Joe the Gadget Man*, and …

25 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

Joe Sandow, Joe the Gadget Man, the Roller Game, World Championship Wrestling - 1960s

“And Remember, Bring yer Money with You”

I remember in the early days of TV, Saturday afternoon, around lunchtime, we had the pleasure of watching Joe the Gadget Man (Joe Sandow) the moustachio’d spruiker for Nock and Kirby’s.

Joe paraded a mind-blowing array of stuff that seemed to me as a then child, perfectly designed for the kind of tasks that simply never happened in my world.  Spilling red wine on a flokati rug ?  No red wine.  No Flokati rug.   Moreover if a (usually) kitchen task was critical to the mysterious inner workings of Mom’s culinary operations, I’m pretty sure that she could have mastered the thing with nothing more complex than a knife or a spoon.

I remember hundreds of variations on apple corers.  Apparently this was a major problem of the late 1950s and 1960.  There were slicers of every imaginable kind.  I suspect that the footage of hapless vegetables being sliced to oblivion was speeded up, because few people in my world repeated brave tales of massive domestic efficiencies wrought by these miracles of plastic and stainless steel manufacture.  Or more than likely,  the hundreds of hours saved through the utilisation of such culinary wonderment were neatly offset by the time spent in this assemblage for the job and dismantling and CLEANING after the event.

I can well imagine that Joe single-handedly drove the overfilling of kitchen drawers and the nation-wide construction of cupboards.  I can’t remember any gardening objects, but I can  imagine the odd one or two dads who lusted after various jigs and guides to ensure the straightest cutting of timber in the construction of the cupboards to which we have alluded previously.

These must have been from the ranks of the domesticated family man sort of Dads, amongst which my Dad was denied membership.  He was domesticated for some of the week, but the weekend belonged to the Picnic Point Bowling and Social Club.

Dad prepared for rolling the Bakelite bowls by climbing into his creams while Mum prepared lunch.  I am certain that this was always some kind of salad with ingredients that had magically eluded Joe’s devices.  I remember delicious Grosse Lisse tomatoes, Kraft cheddar cheese, tinned beetroot, grated carrot, maybe some ham, Golden Circle  pineapple rings, iceberg lettuce (I’m particularly indifferent to iceberg lettuce  still – some 50 years later), cucumber slices (my indifference escalated to actual dislike… until I  discovered salad dressing with Balsamic vinegar in my twenties … or maybe I was just unable to maintain the rage against the beasts or the arrival of Lebanese cucumbers and telegraph cuies with less aggressively burp-generating and fart-driving qualities).  I cannot face even the idea of apple cucumbers to this very day.  But I digress.

Dad polished his bowls shoes, put on his thin blue cotton tie, applied the club badge and dusted off his hat.  Preparing for the battle to come.  We ate and then he either walked through one of our neighbour’s yards and through the inevitable gate in their back fence e (cutting off about a half a mile of street travel), or in latter days he drove our second-hand 1963 Volkswagen beetle deluxe.  I love that, don’t you ? A DELUXE people’s car- meaning that the doors were lined and I think the wheels had trim.  Such luxury.

Then Mom and I would settle down to her cup of tea and my orange cordial and watch Midday Joe.

It was a kind of distraction.  The hours before the storm.

I had come to understand, if not the cause, definitely the effect of the battle of the bowls.  Some hours later, my father would return to the humble abode, worst for the drink, dinner on a red hot plate under alfoil in the oven, desiccated past “dead dingo”, jovial or belligerent but always, like a phial of nitroglycerin likely to explode at the slightest provocation. He habitually slumped and went to sleep in the Dad chair.

Mom and I had a well-honed routine.  Dad has been dead for 26 years but we are masters to this day of being small targets.  We can fall into a pond and not create a single ripple.  We are agreeable, but not to the point of annoyance.  Chameleon-like we can make ourselves invisible against any wallpaper, upholstery or carpet pattern.

I should point out that he only ever hit me once, and that was at my Mom’s urging (I was a very naughty boy at times).  I must have been about ten.  After he whacked me with a not very hard slap on the bum, I called him an old bastard, as kids are wont to do to see what it takes to provoke a melt down in their folks.  He just laughed a huge, rolling laugh and walked off.  He never hit me again, remembering, I think, with no joy at all, his own father who used to thrash him.

In the mid 1970s he was diagnosed and treated as an insulin-dependent Type II diabetic.  He gave up the grog and became the kind of Dad a son could love and respect.  But it was late in the day and he died twelve years later from metastatic bone cancer from lung cancer and 40 years of smoking Camel cigarettes.That was in 1985.

Mom has never driven a car (successfully) and I sold his 1963 VW Beetle Deluxe for $200 more than he paid for it 23 years before.

And when Mom went into the nursing home, I emptied her house for sale and I threw out the one Joe the Gadget Man device I am certain made it into our lives… a V-shaped serrated plastic knife for decoratively cutting oranges in halves.

Simulated serrated V-shaped Fruit decorating knife (now made in Stainless Steel by the good people at Victorinox

Simulated serrated V-shaped fruit decorating knife (now made in Stainless Steel by the good people at Victorinox

Postscript:  after Joe finished his Saturday gadgetry festival, came the Roller Game (recently revived as a mainly women’s sport – burgeoning worldwide in Newtown) and World Championship Wrestling (yeah, right – what world was that, then ?), sadly  segueing into horse racing in Black and white.

* Joe Sandow died in 2002, aged 89.  There’s a lovely obituary here.

Pig’s Arms Bumper Christmas Edition 2012 – Astyages Saves the World… AND Christmas!

25 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by astyages in Astyages

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

Les Paul, Santa stuck in chimney, UFOs

santa-stuck-in-chimney1

Story by Astyages

Gotta get this down while I can still remember it all… before THEY wipe my memory! But I don’t want to jump the gun! I must start at the very beginning…

So there I was, just a few days ago, sitting there at home minding my own business… Having fallen asleep watching old episodes of ‘Porridge’, I found myself rudely awakened by a sudden loud cursing in some strange, probably Scandinavian language, apparently coming from above and behind me. I turned my neck so quick I think I damn near dislocated it! But what I saw gave me such a shock I immediately forgot that pain… for there, dangling from the trapdoor which leads to the mysterious and hitherto unexplored regions of my loft, was the bottom half of a rather rotund gentleman clad in an ermine-lined, red velvet jacket and a pair of black moleskins over a pair of shiny leather boots, the tops of which were similarly fur-lined. At this stage his top half was invisible as the gent appeared to be stuck there… (and Gord alone knows how he got there, ’cause my roof hasn’t got a chimney!)

I instantly divined his problem: his jacket had got all rucked-up and was adding far more than was necessary to the stranger’s already impressive girth. I limped the few steps from my chair to the place underneath the trapdoor and, reaching up with the ‘reaching stick’ the insurance company had provided me with when I first had my accident, I started tugging at the jacket… As soon as I had pulled enough of it down to easy the jam the stranger fell down through the hole, skittling me in the process. The weighty gent picked himself up with remarkable agility and then bent down to offer me a hand. I took it and allowed myself to be pulled to my feet by a figure I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined I would ever meet, for standing there, right in front of my was a red-capped, bespectacled, white-bearded, red-cheeked fellow who could be none other than Santa Claus…

“Crikey!” I exclaimed aloud, “Those bloody painkillers must be stronger’n I thought… I’m hallucinating!”

“Ho-ho-ho!” The figure in red said, adjusting his jacket underneath his belt, “You not hallucinating minheer! You seein’ da real Santa Claus! Who yust picked you up from da floor? When you ever actually feel a hallucination? A hallucination strong enough to lift you up, ja?”

He had a point there… but I was cagey: “How do I know you’re the real Santa Claus and not just an imposter? I mean, there’s lot of ’em about at this time of year!”

“No problem!” he said… “Who else would bring you chrissie prezzie…?” I was astounded; I’d lived alone for so long I’d virtually forgotten about prezzies. Curious, I couldn’t resist asking, “Ah… What prezzie?” It was only then I noticed the large sack which had come through the trapdoor with him, as he put his hand inside it and pulled out a Les Paul guitar! Now, I’m a pretty cynical dude and not easily convinced when it comes to believing in fairytales, but Les Pauls don’t lie… this dude had to be Santa!

“Wow!” I said… and then, as I reached forward to take the guitar from him, I intoned, “I do believe in fairies! I do believe in fairies…!” just in case it should turn out to be a dream. But the ‘dream’ didn’t fade as I took the guitar in hand and plugged it into my amplifier; and the first few notes, amplified by those superb double-coiled, humbucking pickups, left me in no doubt; the guitar was real! So Santa must be real too!

“But hang on a sec, Santa! How come I get a prezzie this year? And why such an expensive prezzie too? I mean, all my life all I’ve had are socks’n’jox and maybe an occasional fishing rod, but I’ve never ever had such an expensive prezzie; and it’s just EXACTLY what I wanted… There’s something suspicious going on here…”

“Aha, mein freund!” the fat man said, “You are so sharp! You never miss a trick! Zat’s why you were chosen… And I have to admit zat ze reason you haven’t had so many prezzies in ze past is ‘coz you bin a naughty fella for so long… But ziss year is different; ziss year we need your help… ze guitar is a teensy-weensy bribe…”

But before he could explain further, there was a lot of scuffling noises from the ceiling above us and then several, dwarf-like creatures with grey-green skin, huge bulbous heads and large black, almond-shaped eyes, descended from the trapdoor. Each of them held something in their right hands; and as Santa suddenly fell silent and raised his hands. Santa’s reaction could only mean one thing: ‘they can only be ray-guns!’ I thought…

I also thought it wise to immediately put down the Les Paul and follow suit…

After exchanging several series of what can only be described as clicking noises with his two assistants the tallest of the dwarf-like creatures, who was evidently their boss, said, “I’m taking you both to our leader!”

“Shouldn’t that be the other way round?” I said, without thinking.

“Ah, but you, my dear Astyages, recognize no leaders; in your former incarnation you were a king of kinds; in this one you are an individual who, though poor, recognizes no master; it is for these reasons that you have been chosen… And as for Santa… The Master has his own reasons for wanting to see him!”

I hated the thought of being ‘chosen’ for anything… it smacked of responsibility and worse, seemed to imply the probability of work!

“Then you’ll just have to choose someone else, won’t you?” The grey dwarf, who I now realized was an actual, bona fide alien, just silently raised his ray-gun level with my forehead and allowed the corners of his slit-like mouth to raise into something which was not quite a smile. “Oh, alright then… If I must, I suppose I must…”

I could spend whole chapters describing the journey we next underwent; how we traveled in a flying saucer to the South Pole, fighting off American fighter planes from the US fleet all the way across the Southern Ocean, ’til we finally flew down into an immense cavern which took us deep into a world which I now realized was REALLY hollow!

In a fantastic underground city we were taken to a building which would have dwarfed the twin towers and given the Empire State Building a good run for its money, where we ascended to the penthouse suite which the Master was currently using as a pied-a-terre. As we ascended in the lift, I wondered why I’d been chosen and for what… I’d attempted to get further information from the greys during the flight but they remained silent and refused to make any comment.

Finally the greys escorted us through a luxurious apartment and out onto a rooftop garden which would have put the Hanging Gardens of Babylon to shame, and there, sitting on a chaise-longue drinking gin and tonic, was the Master, who I couldn’t help but think looked a lot like Jimi Hendrix…

Using telekinesis, the greys forced Santa and I to our knees, with our foreheads to the floor, as if salaaming… “Let them up you idiots!” the Master said, “I need their willing cooperation!”

The Master didn’t realise it, but he had just made his first mistake; whatever it was he needed my cooperation for, I most certainly was NOT going to oblige him!

“Forgive those stupid Greys,” the Master said, “they are one of the most uncivilized species in this galaxy! No manners at all!”

“What do you want with us?” Santa demanded. “Why have you brought us here?”

“I’ve brought you here because you two are the last ‘hold-outs’… the last two people on the whole of planet earth who have not somehow been subverted, brainwashed, bought or otherwise incorporated within structures which are ultimately owned by the Illuminati. Surely you’ve suspected…?” We both nodded silently, “I’ve known for some time…” Santa said, then, turning to me he added “I was trying to warn you when we were so rudely interrupted… and brought here…”

“You will be used as ‘Judas goats’; we will first brainwash you then program you to be the most zealous advocates of our cause; from the human perspective you will be leading the exodus from the doomed planet earth to travel to another earth-like planet in the constellation of Arcturus… You’ll act as travel-agents as well as poster-boys for our human migration plan to our home-world…”

The Master must feel confident of himself, I thought, if he could afford to give away such staggering details, even in such a tiny slip… but the words ‘human’, and ‘homeworld’ in the same sentence told me I was dealing with aliens here… Space aliens, or inter-dimensional ones? I wondered, but had little chance to find out, as the Master explained that the purpose of migrating the whole human population to Arcturus was so they can be farmed as fodder and used as slave labour… but we two would live like kings… with every one of our senses most abundantly gratified in all kinds of imaginative ways…

I’d heard enough; the time had come to act! If I waited any longer they’d isolate me and then start to work on me psychologically; if I acted now at least I might have some element of surprise as they wouldn’t be expecting either of us to resist the three armed guards who had escorted us and who were still aiming their weapons at us… Moving suddenly, and hoping Santa would realize what I was doing and at least just move himself out of the line of fire, I put myself at the center of a cross with three Greys to my left, right and in front of me, desperately hoping my sudden movement would trigger the precise reaction it did: the Greys all instantly pointed their weapons at me, but just as they fired, I dived into a combat roll aimed at the feet of the one in front of me…

The Greys to the right and left of me were instantly vaporized by their own ray-guns, while the third Grey hit the Master with a glancing shot that left him seriously concussed and winded, as I came out of my combat roll onto to my knee, finishing the roll with a punch to the groin which thankfully turned out to be as painful for the Grey as it is for humans. He dropped his weapon as he doubled up, whimpering in a foetus-position on the floor as I carefully took aim and vaporized him.

I went across to the Master and saw he was wearing some kind of mask which had been damaged to reveal reptilian scales underneath the human-like face… I knew it could never have been Jimi! There was not even a single guitar in sight! This was just another psychological ploy to gain my sympathy and trust… Mercilessly, I zapped the Lizard-man into oblivion.

Finally turning my attention to Santa, I realized he was not entirely surprised by my actions… I gave him a quizzical look, with my head tilted to one side… “You were expecting this, weren’t you?”

“Errr… Ummm… ahhh… let’s just say, ‘hoping’ shall we? But yes, I was rather relying on your skills as a martial artist… Now, quickly, we must get out of here before any more of them come! We can hijack a saucer; I was watching how they operated them on the way here…”

“Yeah, me too!” I said… “Now let’s go!”

The ray-guns made it easy for us to get out of the building and into the private car-park where our guard had previously parked their flying saucer (I must use this term now, as they are not ‘UFO’s any more!)

Speed, surprise and a couple of zaps from the ray-guns took care of the guards; and, if we’d both been watching them to learn how to fly the saucer, I’d also been keenly observing how they operated their weapons systems… As we flew out over the underground city I saw my target and yelled at Santa to head towards it as we fought off a small fleet of half-a-dozen more flying discs… After finally shooting down the last of these I had just enough time to aim and hit the ‘fire’ button to loose a photon torpedo at what had looked to me very much like the city’s nuclear power-station. We saw the explosion and the beginnings of an unmistakeable ‘mushroom’ cloud behind us as the shock-wave finally hit us… Tilting the saucer at an angle, I found I could ‘surf’ the shock-wave ’til we finally shot out of the cavern’s opening like a bullet from a gun… In the rear-view screens we could clearly see that our explosion had started a chain-reaction as the major buildings of the whole city were blasted into their component atoms.

Of course, we took the long way ’round on the way home, to avoid having to fight the US fleet in the Southern Ocean, ’cause those guys shoot first and ask questions later! But as soon as we got home I’ve prepared this report for YouTube; the world MUST be warned; though I shall post it under a pseudonym. The Lizardmen’s dastardly plan, which had been scheduled to start on 21/12/12 has, I think, suffered a serious setback, but sooner or later, they will be back from Planet X with another attempt to turn us all into lizard-fodder! In the meantime, NOW is the time to turn against your Illuminati masters, who will be weakened at least temporarily by the absence of the Master…

Anyway, now you all know why the world didn’t actually end on 21/12/12 as it was supposed to; Santa and I have managed to buy it a temporary reprieve, but how long that will last is unknown; in the meantime, Santa assures me that he will not let this little escapade interfere with his usual Christmas duties and I’ve let him keep the flying saucer to help him with this… so, without undue modesty, I can truthfully say that I have not only saved the world, but Christmas too! With Santa’s help, of course!

Happy Christmas piglets!

Asytages

Pig’s Arms Bumper Christmas Edition 2102 – Vivienne’s Tapas

25 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in The Dining Room, Vivienne

≈ 19 Comments

Tags

Recipes, Tapas, Vivienne

Vivienne's Tapas

Vivienne’s Tapas

This is how I wrote the recipe down 20 plus years ago.  It was Maria’s dish from the Philippines.

500g of rump steak sliced thin and marinated in – vinegar, garlic (1 tsp), pinch of salt – for 12 hours or overnight.   Drain and dry off meat by cooking in frypan.  Remove and add cooking oil – fry up with some thick sliced onions and serve with dip.

Dip:  vinegar, garlic (half teaspoon), white sugar (1 tsp), pepper, salt and a little chilli.

The method was a bit too brief and needed some working on.  When Maria cooked the meat I thought my whole kitchen was going to go up in flames.  The temperature was so high that smoke obliterated the stove.  It tasted great but for indoor cooking it needed toning down.

Half a kilo of rump gives enough for everyone to have a snack, as in tapas.  However, we loved it too much to settle for a snack, so I do at least one kilo for four people.  The marinate mix needs to be just enough to barely cover the meat in a glass bowl.  I put in more minced garlic and a bit more salt.   I do this the day before.

When meal time comes around, preheat the oven or warming tray and serving dish.

Peel and thickly slice the onions (3 or 4 large ones).

Dry fry off the meat in batches in a large flat bottomed pan – the meat will be cooked and a bit dry.  Drain off any liquid which accumulates in the pan.  Then add some oil and fry in the oil – mix up some of the onion with the meat each time, doing this in say four lots, each time adding a little oil.  It is done when the onions are just done (not limp).

The dip can be done hours before – put into a screw top jar and give it plenty of good shakes.  I used to add chilli powder but have also used a little sweet chilli sauce and I add more garlic.  But the basic taste is vinegar with oomph.   Serve with dish surrounded by a few little bowls of the dip for each person.  Use fingers or a toothpick and dunk in dip and pop in mouth.

Have a lovely Christmas everyone.  With very best wishes from Vivienne.

 

Pig’s Arms Bumper Christmas Edition 2012 – Fabric Design

25 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Sandshoe

≈ 21 Comments

Tags

catwalk, Christina Binning Wilson, Fabric Design

Shoe cloth600_3_60

Fabric Design by Christina Binning Wilson

Story and Illustration by Sandshoe

I designed the image in the early 90s and printed it onto a business card.

An elegant and charming Italian woman I sat next to on a plane out of Brisbane a year or so later told me she was a fashion buyer. She had come to Australia “for the parades”. She had been to one on the Gold Coast. I showed her the design. Did I…maybe…was this shown at the Parade, she stumbled. There was a cloth very like it, she said, that she liked a lot.

There are a number of fabric design programmes on the current software market. I came up with my tattered remnant of cloth playing with the Clarisworks programme on my old Apple Mac.

I do love this design.

I imagine it woven in a light merino wool fabric or with a mix to make it a little heavier and a coat pattern draughted with pockets to reinforce and mould its shape into a curve – when a model wears the finished garment, bell-like. The sleeves of the coat are raglan, comfortably straight and not cuffed.

The skirt is a plain straight skirt darted at the waist with four conventional darts, two front and back, with a side zip and a front kick pleat. Its length is only just below the knee.

A second mix-and-match outfit is a trouser suit that has a narrow legged trouser with a lightly reinforced cuff, a side zip and four conventional darts. Its alternative suit coat is waist length and darted only from the front shoulder seam of each shoulder. Reinforced and lined the coat provides a box effect above the narrow legged, cuffed trouser.

Pig’s Arms Bumper Christmas Edition 2012 – George’s Tree

25 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Lehan Winifred Ramsay

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

George the Cat, Jehan Winifred Ramsay, Painting

Lehan GeorgesTree

Painting by Lehan Winifred Ramsay

It’s been a tough year for George, what with the broken leg and the horrific flesh wound, but he’s bounced back with a lot of TLC ( and a new Porsche for the vet).

Here he is wrapping Christmas presents

George wrapping presents

Pig’s Arms Bumper Christmas Edition 2012 – Supermarket Music

24 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon, Entertainment Upstairs

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

Bing Crosby and David Bowie, Christmas Playlist, Coldplay, Dean Martin, Elvis Presley and Martina McBride, Frank Sinatra, Herb Alpert & Tijuana Brass

 

Algy supermarket

A short playlist by Algernon

Just a little something to remember trips to the shops, supermarkets and malls in the weeks leading up to 25 December just one more time.

Merry Christmas and a safe and most of all happy New Year to all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiXjbI3kRus

The little drummer boy/ peace on earth – Bing Crosby and David Bowie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HC2PF9r9Nhs

The Christmas Song – Frank Sinatra

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMF8KZ5Woyw

Have yourself a merry little Christmas – Coldplay

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtWSR89UhRg

So this is Christmas – Robbie Williams

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkFP0VwpPRY

Walking in a Winterland – Dean Martin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KK6sMo8NBY

Blue Christmas – Elvis Presley and Martina McBride

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHra-PJHcNk

Let it snow – Herb Alpert & Tijuana brass

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PAwuNg-7-U

Hark the herald angels sing – The Torero Band Tijuana Christmas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at68PMbgyhw

Christmas sweatz

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoxQ4Ul_DME

I wish it could be Christmas everyday – Wizzard

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