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Story by Emmjay

Challenge to readers:  Some aspects of this article are probably made up.  Other bits are direct quotes.  Try and spot which bits are ludicrous – first correct entry wins a boat.  Or a lunatic government.

In a reasoned response to the flood of German adventure tourists being smuggled into Australia by unscrupulous smuggler pirates, Scott Morrison and Tony Abbott announced that they would stop the boats and turn back the Teutonic hordes by buying every single boat and turning them back to from whence  boats came.

The <insert barely relevant media source here> went on to report…….

The policy also includes bounties to buy boats from owners who might be tempted to sell them to smugglers and to give Indonesia more money to improve its own search and rescue capabilities.

The Opposition’s immigration spokesman Scott Morrison spoke to chief political correspondent Sabra Lane.  Points to Sabra for keeping her lunch down.

SCOTT MORRISON: The measures we’ll announce today deal with the practical commitment to regional cooperation and the single minded focus on deterrence. Now that will include everything from significantly upgrading our involvement in joint operations with Indonesian national police, to work with them and make that offer.

In also involves community outreach program which would involve a bounties potentially through, working through villages, buying boats back where you can. But also just promoting the awareness like we did after the Bali bombings with counterterrorism to raise awareness that people smuggling is a criminal activity and it’s things that shouldn’t be encouraged or supported.

SABRA LANE: On the buying of the boats, would you need to talk to Indonesia about that first? Who would make the approach; would it be Indonesian officials or Australian officials on the ground?

SCOTT MORRISON: All of these programs will be run through cooperation with officials in Indonesia. And what’s in the policy today is about an offer of practical support of a nature that will put meaning to regional cooperation initiatives.

Regional cooperation isn’t about talk; it’s about actually doing things. And we need to significantly upscale the work that is being done throughout the region, not just in Indonesia but also in Malaysia and Sri Lanka and that’s what this policy seeks to address.

From the Guardian – August 26 –

Opposition leader Tony Abbott‘s plan to buy boats from Indonesian fishermen to prevent the vessels being used by people smugglers has been slammed by Jakarta as unfriendly and an insult to Indonesia.

The buyback plan has met with heavy resistance in Jakarta, with a senior member of President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono’s ruling Coalition saying it showed Abbott lacked understanding of Indonesia, and the broader asylum-seeker problem.

Mahfudz Siddiq, the head of Indonesia’s parliamentary commission for foreign affairs, said on Monday that it was Abbott’s right to suggest the policy but warned that it had broader implications for the relationship between Jakarta and Australia.

“It’s an unfriendly idea coming from a candidate who wants to be Australian leader,” Siddiq told Australian Associated Press.

“That idea shows how he sees things as (an) Australian politician on Indonesia regarding people smuggling. Don’t look at us, Indonesia, like we want this people smuggling.

“This is really a crazy idea, unfriendly, derogatory and it shows lack of understanding in this matter.”