Late Barking News
Our Pig’s Arms “Over the Horizon” news scout, Manne le Trenches, reports today that in an atmosphere of rising tension with former super power and general tough bastard Russia, following the Putanians sending warships to Australia (for the kind of military exercises America likes to do around places they might want to invade any minute now), fearless Australian minnow leader Tony “feel my pecs” Abbott has instructed the Minister for Deference to re-arm Fort Denison.
The ADF is reportedly saving up the ferry fare to ship tonnes of sticks and stones to the fort in readiness for a protracted siege.
In other developments, negotiations are reportedly underway with Great Britain to put pressure on Moscow by releasing Rolf Harris into Muscovite care – on his own cognisance.
Sources close to the Kremlin (in the actual Kremlin, truth told) said “Oh NO ! not the fucking wobble board, anything but the wobble board !”
The UN Security Council has been called to address an urgent motion to ban wobble-boarding. The motion was apparently called by …. Russia. And the Secretary of the Security Council ……. Australia …. was quoted as saying “Sorry, I was on holidays and I must have missed the Email. I’ll get onto it when I get back in the office”.
A “Bay of Pig’s Arms” capitulation is anticipated at any moment.
One threat of a shirtfront has lead to all of this. Next Merv will close the carpark, and have temporary fencing around the pub. Patrons will be stuck at home with slabs of fourex, and forced to watch daytime telly. Bad for the psychology of the entire country.
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I’m already stocking up the cellar – and the larder. Ammo for the shotty in case they get this far inland.
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I ‘ll do my bit above the call of duty, have filled a bucket with cold water and confiscated grandsons catapults. That will teach the bastards.
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Yes, Gerard and Viv, I’ve been forced to stop seeking out ISIS cell groups, and hiding inside, fingers twitching at the Venetians, carving knife in hand….
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I’d do it in song, you know with the hidden meanings. Tie me kanagroo down sport followed by two little boys.
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