Merv: he’s a police negotiator.
Gez: no, he’s not he’s just a bloody highway patrol jockey.
Merv: he’s an expert negotiator.
Gez: look, the wanker just sticks poor saps with speeding tickets and other bogus crap.
Merv: have you ever been pulled over by one of his kind ?
Gez: yeah, of course. Hasn’t everybody?
Merv: and what happened ?
Gez: he reckoned that I was doing 15 k over the limit.
Merv: and were you, Gez ?
Gez: not in a million years.
Merv: so how fast were you actually going ?
Gez: how the fuck would I know ?
Merv: so what happened then ?
Gez: he said I’d get stuck with a fine for $256.38.
Merv: that’s a bit rich.
Gez: yeah, that’s what I said.
Merv: and… Let me predict… He asked you if you had a clean record and you said “Yes constable” – because politeness is important so he doesn’t also stick you with defect notices for bald tyres and dead tail lights.
Gez: yeah – and I said “are you sure it was 15 k over?”
Merv: and he looks thoughtfully in the direction of his partner and says “ I’ll see what I can do” …. He comes back and says “might be a slight error because of the rain”…
Gez: yeah he did ! But it wasn’t raining !
Merv: and he says “I think it was probably 9 k over and that will cost you $176.13”
Gez: how did you know that ????
Merv: and you’re eternally grateful to this wazoo for doing you a favour…
Gez: yeah, I was….
Merv: for sticking you with a bill for $176.00
Gez: and 13 cents…
Merv: for a crime you probably didn’t commit.
Gez: (indignantly) yeah !!!!
Merv: and ?
Gez: I see … master negotiator …..
Merv: and his till just went up for nothing – meeting his target for saving the state finances single handed. Too easy.
Gez: master negotiator ….. I’m walking home.