Story by Emmjay
“Bring, Bring” insisted the phone. Which was more convincing than say the toaster demanding bread.
“O’Waaaahy, h, h, , har, har, har aaaaaark. Here” answered O’Way. Which seemed apt given that it was in fact O’Way and his cough.
“Listen up”. Said the unmistakeable drone of the Bishop. The rumour was that the Cardy had made the Bish a bish because he had a voice so unutterably dull that he was perfect in the witness box and an excellent supporting act for the Cardy who was making an unexpected comeback – with perhaps less support than Johnny Farnham, but certainly a lot more anticipation.
“You know the Royal Commissh ?” it wasn’t so much a question as a command, continued the Bish.
“Of course !” lied O’Way who who who, hark, hark, hark…… (muffled spit into hanky). Of course O’Way would have only heard of the Royal Commish if she was running at Flemington, or perhaps Dapto Dogs (since the reformation)… but he was renowned for filling in the blanks and going with the flow – common amongst the clerics of St Generic Brands.
“ The Cardy needs you to do some tidying up”, said the Bish.
“Isn’t that Manne or Granny’s job ?” said O’Way.
“Not cleaning up STUFF” said the Bish, “Tidying up some people’s shonky memory”.
“Oh” said O’Way, who had no concept of memory, much less shonky memory. He paused and waited for another train of thought – to climb aboard.
The bish obliged by mumbling something about the Cardy having some stiff questions about kiddie fiddling. (Ed……Sorry, ALLEGED kiddy fiddling).
“Bish ?” inquired O’Way.
“Yes, father?” replied the bish.
“Bish, um (ahark ahark ahark) what precisely is kiddy fiddling ? I didn’t know the Cardy even played the violin”.
“You’ve heard of Bluegrass, Father ?” asked the Bish.
“Dang !” replied O’Way, (readers should imagine they heard the distant sound of Duelling Banjos).
“The Cardy was playing ‘Foggy Mountain Breakdown’ ? said O’Way.
“Well, kind of a breakdown” said the Bish. “These people with mental illness claim they got it in the cloisters – and that the Cardy was in the second row.
“Yeah” said O’Way.
“Yeah ?” inquired the Bish.
“Yeah, I copped a few in the cloisters playing against Christian Brothers” said O’Way.” Makes your eyes water quite a bit”.
“Nah” said the Bish. “This one’s serious father. The Cardy has been accused of ALLEGEDLY (thanks… Ed) having improper regard to the tackle of minors” said the Bish.
“He took the choir fishing without a permit ?” wondered O’Way.
“You’re getting warmer” said the Bish.
“Wedding tackle:” said the Bish.
“The Choir was singing at a wedding ?” asked O’Way.
“Could have been” said the Bish.
“And the mental illness” ? said O’Way, accidentally re-routing the conversation back to the point of the Bish’s call.
“Ah, Yes of Course” said the Bish, “Well they say they have suffered ever since the Cardy and the wedding tackle incidents (ALLEGED incidents …. Ed.)
“Do we know who these people are, Bish?” asked O’Way.
“Yes, of course” said the Bish.
“What’s their beef ?” said O’Way “Didn’t they get any cake ?”
“What cake ?” said the Bish.
“You know, WEDDING cake” said O’Way. “What were they doing playing rugby at the wedding ?”
“What wedding ?” said the Bish.
“You know – the one where the Cardy played Duelling Banjos” said O’Way.
“Are you doing anything right now?” asked the Bish.
“No, Whaaaay ahark ahark ahark?” said O’Way.
“I’ve got a key witness assignment for you coming up”, said the Bish.
“Will there be cake ?” asked O’Way.
“It will be a cake walk” said the Bish.
“Great said O’Way” “I love a party.