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The New Macpflug

Story by Pig’s Arms gastronomer Noah Idea.

Inlaid barking news, Mackaz announced today that their scientists in the Mack Plunk Institute for Gastronomic Exploration had managed to  extract the last vestiges of flavour from their food.

Offending nobody (except those with unreasonable expectations of flavour, aroma, colour, and texture) they have released the new product codenamed Macpflug – pronounced “complete shit”.

CEO Ben Dover said today that this marked a new benchmark in gastronomy.  He taunted other fast food empires, saying “Crawl under this, you bastards!”

Diners, he said, would experience a dining experience (really ?) surfing FaceBook uninterrupted by the challenges one normally associates with chewing and swallowing.  He said that Macpflug had major advantages of avoiding triggering satiety sensations – so diners could continue to  pack the stuff in without the inconvenience of feeling “full” – “well, until it starts to come our their eyes”, he noted.

Dover said that his industrial scientistologists were working on an injectible form of Macpflug to completely eliminate the need to put the stuff in one’s mouth.

Industry observers mooted that this was merely an interim development and that it was only a matter of time before Mackaz would bring to market a product that consumers could simply toss down the toilet – completely eliminating the troublesome middleman.  Supersized versions of the mooted product – codenamed “just real shit” would be available so that consumers would be able to set up automated orders and Mackaz would do bulk flushing at their factory, reducing more packaging and transport costs.

In still more mooting incidents, rumour had it that Mackaz would be the first to introduce full closed loop enterprise – meaning that they would not actually flush anything, they would feed the product back into the start of the production cycle and  just bill customers and tell them how much they loved Macpflug.

Well, hey, a thought bubble above Ben Dover’s head said “why bother with the inconvenience of manufacture, we could could just introduce virtual food, and bill customers from my shed”.

Zoober delivery slaves  were unavailable for comment – mainly because they were trying to crawl out from under buses and other unforgiving forms of transport.

 

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