An intimate interview with the PM – by Emmjay
Sco Go the Sharkies.
Emm: Yes, good, thank you Mr Morrison.
Sco: They were great weren’t they !
Emm: If you say so, Mr Morrison.
Sco: And I do say so, mate.
Emm: Mr Morrison, what’s your reaction to the Victorian election result ?
Sco: Call me Scomo. Go the Sharkies.
Emm: Mr Morrison, the Victorian election ?
Sco: We was robbed. Did you catch that ref ? I mean his seeing eye dog should do the one-way trip to the vet.
Emm: The Victorian election ?
Sco: Sorry, you were saying ?
Emm: Mr Morrison, I was asking you for your take home message on your reaction to the Victorian election result.
Sco: There was loose talk that we didn’t have a prayer – but I did one for them and I cried a bit.
Emm: … and ?
Sco: Well, well, nothing happened.
Emm: So, divine intervention was a fizzer ?
Sco: What church do you go to, son ?
Emm: I play third ukulele at St Generic’s Brand.
Sco: Well, son, I think it was probably your fault. Ya have to play in key and in time.
Emm: Sorry, I’ll try harder in the next election. Who’s having that again ?
Sco: Somebody told me that. No, wait… I think there’s some snags ordered for the Happy Clappers of Shark Park.
Emm: Close, Mr Morrison. It’s the NSW election in March next year.
Sco: How’s our form there ?
Emm: I believe that the verdict is still with the TV ref.
Sco: Will there be Sharkies contesting ? Go the Sharkies !
Emm: Indeed, Mr Morrison.
Sco – checking his mobile phone “It will be fought on local issues”
Emm: Like Wentworth ?
Sco: Australia’s best Prime Minister ? William Charles Wentworth. I used to call him Bill. My mate Bill.
Emm: He died even before your little dust up with NZ Tourism.
Sco: I was robbed. Those ALL Blacks have no understanding of the offside rule.
Emm: They say the Nez Wealand taxpayers was robbed.
Sco: It wasn’t my fault that “Put a shrimp in the hungi” flopped. I mean, what’s a hungi ? Some kind of pagan ritual? Of course, no God-fearing bloke is going to go there for some druid nonsense. Did I tell you that I turned back the boats ?
Emm: From New Zealand ?
Sco: From Shark Park.
Emm: No you didn’t.
Sco: Yeah, I did. Coz I’m fair dinkum.
Emm: Was Malcolm fair dinkum ?
Sco: Who did he barrack for ?
Emm: I have no idea. Does he barrack at all ?
Sco: There you have it. Not like David Steinbergstein.
Emm: The former candidate for Wentworth ?
Sco: Bill ?
Emm: No, the proposed candidate for Wentworth.
Sco: Sonja ? She was a snappy dresser.
Emm: Yes she was. Mr Morrison, what did the Coalition learn from the Victorian election ?
Sco: Did you realise you just typed “coal” ? I love coal, it’s all black and shiny like my BMW.
Emm: Well the voters of Wentworth didn’t seem too fond of your coal policy.
Sco: Ha ha you just typed coal again ! Twice.
Emm: Was the coalition’s lack of an energy policy or a climate change policy something to do with the Victorian election – I believe the Murdoch press called it a Coalition rout.
Sco: How dare you suggest that the Victorian coalition is routed ! OK, the Sharkies didn’t run, but I prayed for them and I had a little cry too. So, did my minister Pasta Farian.
Emm: Or did it have something to do with the bogus war on South Sudanese youth in Melbourne.
Sco: I have been accused of racism, you know ?
Emm: You don’t say !
Sco: Yeah, although I’m a fair dinkum bloke, I will not abide by street violence. Nobody. Not even people the colour of coal are above John Laws.
Emm: Are you saying that you ARE racist on the black gangs street violence issue ?
Sco: Those dickheads who point to the 40% decline in youth violence in Victoria in the last four years are turning a blind eye. I reckon it’s because South Sudanese youth are hard to see at night.
Emm: So, what was the cause of the Coalition rout in the Victorian election or in the seat of Wentworth – a seat it is alleged that has only ever been in Liberal hands.
Sco: It was a state issue.
Emm: Wentworth is a Federal seat.
Sco: I know that. It’s held by my mate Billy Wentworth.
Emm: Billy’s been extinct for decades and so is his love child Billy McMahon – perpetually voted as Australia’s worst Prime Minister – until he was unseated by Tony Abbott.
Sco: But the Sharkies are great ! Go Sharkies !
Emm: Have you got any tourist tips ?
Sco: Put another shrimp on the barbie !
Emm: Thanks. That’ll be a few million dollars please.
Sco: Sure. The cheque is in the mail.
Emm: Mr Morrison, thanks for your time.
Sco: No worries, anything for a fair dinkum Aussie bloke. Go the Sharkies.
Emm: Oh FFS !