Pensioner couple retired to Scotland seeks a late model driverless car. Price no object. Must be able to tolerate constant abuse and racist slurs.
Interested subjects call Balmoral 1 and ask for Her Majesty.
Wanted – Driverless Car
07 Thursday Mar 2019
Posted in Emmjay
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
I guess it will come with a low sunlight detector for making right hand turns into oncoming traffic and optional seat belts. As well, it should have a 24 hour replacement policy and an ability to ignore the proletariat.
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… or with an option to use proletariat as fuel.
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Must have room for 26 Corgis and be able to tow a divorce lawyer in case of unforeseen matrimonial disputes between offspring, great offspring and their spouses.
Would prefer said motor vehicle to not be made in USA. Or Korea unless special gift from Kim Hop on baby Un with promise not to test his latest Fook YU inter-continental ballistic missiles within a 300 mile radius of Balmoral. West Glasgow would, however, be perfectly acceptable as those Scotch gits (I quote Chas – eldest offspring) all voted for devolution. But please leave Ibrox Park alone.
Being true British patriots, don’t want cheap French rubbish either as just about had enough of that paradoxically sycophantic yet rampantly perfidious, modern-day Robespierre, Babe Macron and his 614 year old missus trying to canoodle their way into the aforesaid pensioner couple’s humble abode in Windsor.
Would ideally like a Merc if fluffy dice and tartan rug (ideally Royal Stewart) can be thrown in.
Must also be capable of running smoothly across muddy terrain, like a grouse serenely drifting across the heather (until Gramp Phil shoots it) in the Scottish Highlands when out shooting stags, deer, baby deer, Deere tractors, old dears, anything that represents a puma from 400 yards after a wee dram of Glenlivet, anyone affiliated to the SNP or journalists from the Sun or Guardian newspapers or anyone who looks like that fookeen raving commie (Liz’s words not mine) Jez ‘Butter me bagels’ Corbynista.
Special request from eldest offspring: please ensure said vehicle can keep going past Perth, past the exotic Arbroath and past the even more exotic Aberdeen and, being waterborne, be capable of reaching Bergen as he would like Mummy’s throne before it is too late and Boy Wonder Willy usurps him.
Can pay cash (Sterling only) as got rid of all their Euros.
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Brill response Ricardo 😊
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A regal addendum if I must say so myself.
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Nice slap on the back of appreciation. Best than from a Royal toff stuck in the mud and I say, Hear! Hear! Good show.
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