By The Shovel on December 12, 2019
Satan has announced plans to shift Hell’s HQ to Sydney, saying conditions there are more favourable.
“Our vision has always been to create a place where people can come to feel uncomfortable, so Sydney is perfect,” Satan told journalists today.
“One of the things that’s always bothered me about the current location is that it’s virtually possible to breathe. Our residents won’t have that problem in Sydney”. He said the current Hell headquarters and Sydney had a lot in common. “On the one hand you have this dystopian shitshow of smoke, fire and anguish, and then you have Hell which is very similar, although the rent is a little more affordable”.
Satan said there were other benefits of moving the headquarters to Sydney. “It’s difficult to get around, which I love. And we’ll be just a stone’s throw from Hillsong Church, which is where we source a lot of our residents”.
Hmmmm – you made that up.
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It only seems made up.
But then everything only seems to be what it is, or isn’t, these days.
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Love the ‘Hillsong’ reference, Therese…
As it happens I’ve heard rumors that the Zionists in Israel, recognizing they can’t really sustain their apartheid regime indefinitely, are actually planning to find a new place to set up shop… and guess which ‘Lucky Country’ they’re planning to use as their ‘fall-back’ position?
Here’s a hint… they’ve begun calling Australia and New Zealand, “New Zion”…
So this little article of yours about Sydney, while intended in jest, may well be a little more apt than you imagine.
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Of course the new “Religious Discrimination” laws will fix all that. And anyway we’ll soon see the installation of Brian Houston as the National Spiritual Tsar and we’ll all be riding Harleys and normalising any outrage or excess as a simple return to christian values; which value according to Israel Folau, is several million dollars for every imagined slight on whichever particular deity has the subject in thrall at any particular time. Whirlwind reaping will start shortly thereafter. Be sure to wear your blizzard season coat.
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