Our thanks to Mal Lang for the loan of his lovely photograph.

Story by Emmjay

Another Australian Senior – General “Motors” Holden is the latest Australian icon to fall victim to the Corolla Virus pandemic.

How do you know you’ve got the Corolla Virus ?

Our Pig’s Arms specialist, Morris Major says these are the things to look out for:

  • There’s a small white deposit in your driveway
  • And a similar sized perforation in your bank account.
  • You find yourself defending an overwhelming blandness with statements like “It’s incredibly reliable and cheap to run”.
  • You have an urge to wear white long socks and sandals.
  • Friends will notice that you find boiled rice especially tasty.
  • You fart a lot when you drink the milk that every other grown up has stopped drinking – mainly because Milo is your beverage of choice.
  • You are secretly glad when a childcare centre opens up near you because you can drive at your comfortable speed of 40km/h without people honking and abusing you.
  • When you go on holidays, there is a familiar-looking white deposit in a driveway of a shack in Ettalong.
  • You do not need to clean birdshit off your car.
  • The one CD in your car was recorded by Enya.

Unfortunately, like chickenpox, the Corolla Virus is impossible to completely kill and you’re likely to experience occasional outbreaks particularly when you are under a lot of stress, like during pick up times at that childcare centre you used to wish for when tiny Mums in giant four wheel drives lose control, in shopping centre car parks and going to Andre Rieu concerts.

However, the Corolla Virus can be managed by staying away from the friends that you don’t have … and by asking a demented senior to mind your keys.