Good evening Emmjay and Pig’s Arms patrons,

Thanks for your kind wishes. Waiting for deaths to explode over here.

An 18 year old died today. Relieved I don’t live in Italy. Over 5,000 people have died there and they have run out of coffins. I think the main reason why we have not been battered by this virus is because of the English Channel. Surprised that jingoistic imbecile Nigel Farage hasn’t been on TV telling everyone to thank him. One benefit of the coronavirus  is that we no longer have to listen to that bloody annoying Greetin Thunderbird.  

Now working from home and the schools are now closed. Human stupidity knows no borders as I noticed there were mass gatherings at Bondi Beach as well as the Britsih seaside and Mount Snowdon. 

Supermarkets now run out of fruit and veg, rice, pasta, loo rolls, soap, any type of cleaning product, paper towels, flour of any type*, biscuits, cat food, baked beans, soup, rice pudding, fresh bread, porridge, washing powder but, for some strange reason, not sink strainers. Actually got some mik today.   

Editors Note: The dickhead next door proudly announced to us that when the supermarket check out chick challenged him about the second 2 kilo packet of flour, he said it was for his 90 year old mother. Must be baking up a storm as all 90 year olds usually do. Turd.

Now run out of beer since the pubs were closed. I had anticipated that so had stockpiled on beer (not that Mexican rubbish). If I am going to die from corona virus, I intend to do so while enjoying myself…. plus keen to test my theory that the alcohol in beer may help kill the virus….

* Editors note (this is a tough one – the alcohol concentration in hand sanitisers is about 60-70%, so achieving even a tiny degree of this level of saturation would kill the person first which, I guess does slow the spread of the virus, but far be it from me to stand between Ricardo and a Trotter’s Ale).

No testing kits here either and the hospital have no protective kit so now all the staff are succcumbing to the virus. Yet HK has it under control. North Korea have had one case so far so they shot him.  

* Editors Note (I suspect there might be a bit of under-reporting therefore)

All of Mrs Ricardo’s piano students have cancelled their lessons. 

Stay safe and Well, Aussie compatriots.