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Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

~ The Home Pub of the Famous Pink Drinks and Trotter's Ale

Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

Author Archives: Therese Trouserzoff

Avoid at all Costs

30 Sunday Aug 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Travels

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Emmjay's cool indifference to Aussie yobbos

Emmjay's cool disdain for Aussie yobbos - alternatively, resting standing up. Or has he left his teeth somewhere?

Pig’s regulars are well used to the risks and terrors of Australian tourists displaying some of the less wonderful national characteristics.  I’m not fond of the larrikan streak of disobediance unless of course there’s a figure of absurd authority deserving of it.  In this case, despite our bicycle tour guide’s express advice that we may sit (but not stand) on the concrete objects that make up the Monument to Jews murdered by the Nazis, our tour group yobbo – let’s call him Brett (because that is his name) encouraged three other fucking turkeys to get up there with him.

He was wearing a checked shirt.

What more can I say.

Five hours of Brett  was enough to encourage me to become an asylum seeker in New Zealand.

BTW, the tour was a complete blast, despite the yobbos and is highly recommended.  The rest of the photos were of the tour guide – whom the lesser Emmlet found to be fascinating and a surprisingly good looking (for a former Mancunian) artist now painting as a member of the contemporary Berlin expressionist school.

But to finish on a positive note – well, another positive note, I was watching Arsenal play Man U in the cafe at Circus Berlin.  No, sorry, they weren’t in the cafe, I was in the cafe.  Another Aussie walked in and was recognised as a long lost pal by some ex-pats.

It was my old sailing skipper’s son.  I went to this young man’s wedding four years ago in Vaucluse where he married his German sweetheart.

Pretty small world, eh ?

I was speculating with the first mate that the Gods are toying with me again.

Can I have a professional deitological opinion from ‘Mou, T2 and Glenda, please.  Others may also put forward a plausible explanation.

Note:  Like Julian, I have more than one Pig’s Arms T-shirt, and this one was definitely washed since the last post.  (OK, Mom ?)

Note 2:  I was a bit worried about the lack of a Kosher shirt, so I respectfully stayed outside.  Did you get that , Brett ?

Brits Release Mass Murderer

27 Thursday Aug 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Politics in the Pig's Arms

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McAskill defending the release of the Lockerbie bomber

McAskill defending the release of the Lockerbie bomber

One of the luxuries of being away from Australia (well, not for many Americans, since I was indistinguishably present in Austria), is that one can, from a distance, gain a different perspective.
Seeking out an English language newspaper, today I paid six bucks for a copy of the Times.  Isn’t it ironic when one considers that the Australian can be picked up gratis from a metropolitan railway station but another national fourth estate treasure holds its price

A couple of days ago the Times reported that Britons and overwhelmingly, Americans are seriously unhappy with the decision to free the convicted terrorist – the Libyan former spook Abdul Baset Ali al-Megrahi, just 8 years into a 27 year sentence for murdering 270 people in the bombing of Pan Am 103 over Lockerbie in 1988. The murderer, let’s be quite clear is alleged to be dying of prostate cancer and has, it is said (by presumably medical experts in direct communion with God) only three months to live.

This compassionate act displays the depth of the British legal system and strongly contrasts it with the “laws” supposed to be held as fundamentalist truth – by  fundamentalists.  The Times reported that justice has been done and that British justice does not preclude access to compassion.

But it really does call into question the motivation of the British authorities for whom the need to be seen to be compassionate by a fundamentalist dictatorship is apparently a priority.

How can this be ?  How can a British government politician facing certain annihilation at the next election, or any public servant or diplomat justify this supine act ?

The Times was even-handed in dishing out the vitriol.  They reported that the United States ‘deeply regretted the decision”.  Mon brave !  Translation : Obama and the really reasonable team are seriously pissed off.  Big mistake !

So what could be the motivation ?

Perhaps the most outrageous part was the circus plastered over the front page of the Times on Friday 21 August.  It includes a photograph of the murderer, being escorted down the gangway from General Gaddafi’s private plane – by his son – to a “hero’s welcome”.

Big mistake #2.  And big revelation.  British compassion does not lead to Libyan contrition.   The clash of values systems.

At least the Brits – well the Scots are up to a bit of arse covering with the Scottish Parliament being recalled to discuss (and big prediction ‘condemn’) the release.  The Times presaged a public inquiry and an opportunity to spend a few million more taxpayers’ pounds in pursuit of the last few million they spent to secure the conviction and maintain the inmate alive in incarceration.

From the comfortable distance that Australia has from British politics – mostly – the decision to release a mass murder looks like arrant nonsense and must be deeply offensive to the families of the victims. The appalling release of fundamentalists complicit in the Bali and Jakarta bombings after a few years’ incarceration in the minds of many Australians was not compensated by the execution of the three murderers.  Moreover, many Australians including even some who lost love ones in these atrocities, expressed the view that execution was stooping to a lower form of justice not acceptable  in civilised nations and that martyrdom for the convicted murderers was highly counter-productive.

And perhaps here in lies the answer.  If death from prostate cancer for the Lockerbie bomber is certain, this is certainly not a death in custody that the British government wants on its hands.  Particularly when one considers the recent efforts both the Americans and the British have been putting into rehabilitating at least one dictator.

So is the price of North African oil cheaper than that of the Middle East or is it any easier to justify morally ?

Kassler Talk

21 Friday Aug 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Travels

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Turks 1; Vienna Mayors, Nil

Turks 1; Vienna Mayors, Nil

Vienna, a city of enormous beauty, efficient transport, delightful tucker (provided you’re taking statins for the cholesterol), of art, history, music and architecture to stun and amaze you.

And yet, we see on the other hand a history of the rise and fall of empire, deep intolerance and religious conflict.

The Empress Elisabeth took a shine to the Greeks, but maintained a traditional fear and loathing of the Turks – as I’m sure Atomou and Astyages are well aware.  OK, Waz et al too.

Well, let’s face it she and her old man Franz Joseph owned Greece for starters and there are monuments galore to the princes and other aristo-dudes who beat the Turks off in numerous sieges.  Interestingly, Siege I was a classic flop – oops started a bit too close to winter – and the climate beat the invader (come on classicists – Napoleon anyone, anyone ? Hitler, anyone, anyone ?  But Siege II saw a lot of support from neighbours who objected to the threat of the veil (veiled threat joke mercifully over early in the piece).  The mayor died in the conflict and scored a statue.  Fair enough – second prize to being left alive.  First prize was the Belvedere Palace (now the home of the major Klimts), but it went to a family member (call for a swab, Hung).

A Cool @ million Eurose for a Temple Reno

A Cool 2 million Eurose for a Temple Reno

So Elisabeth built a palazzo at Corfu (or perhaps the Greek equivalent of a palazzo), learnt the lingo and threw up a bit of a monument to our mate.  I hope you appreciate the dosh the Viennese are spending on giving it a facelift, chaps.  So – top marks for religious tolerance.

A Disturbing Mix of Pigs, Oppression and Religion

A Disturbing Mix of Pigs, Oppression and Religion

But I witnessed a rather nasty piece of contemporary inter-species conflict – clearly sanctioned by the Catholic church – or moreover the parish of St Stephens.  There was a huge protest about the exploitation of a species quite close to the hearts of the patrons of an eponymous watering hole in the Inner West of cyberspace.

Now, I know that it’s tempting to see this as a bit of digital mischief, but the truth is far more interesting – and a lot truer than digital mischief.

Your humble correspondent is clearly showing his displeasure in the forecourt of St Stephens here in the fair city of Vienna.

This was shortly before (I think the Polizei record says something about) an international incident and the simultaneous destruction of a van and a T-shirt.

Anyway, our correspondent is due out on bail soon and Merv’s brother Terry has added an international string to his legal defence bow – effectively doubling his criminal law expertise from only defending sheep duffers.

A Shirthouse Experience

18 Tuesday Aug 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Travels

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Rest and Be Thankful Pub Wheddon Cross

Rest and Be Thankful Pub Wheddon Cross

I promised myself that in the interests of not being a total prat (secondary aspect: offending Jules unnecessarily – granted, sometimes it is necessary), I would not bag out the old dart.

Do you, dear reader know how  hard that restraint is ?  Well, let me say at the outset that our friends the Brits and Irish are doing a good job getting their act together.  Having said that,from the NSW perspective, the public utilities bar is not very high above terra firma.

But there’s still a fair modicum of dysfunctional plumbing in the accommodation (the places I can afford) – masquerading as “quaint”.  More surprising is the total absence of soap in the rooms.

I DO want to say how hospitable the natives have been towards we from the colons of the earth.  Sorry, typo.  The colonies.

And the internet is struggling to find its way through British Telecom, Orange, O2 and Vodaphone networks.  How does a casual rate of $20 a day with infuriatingly slow speed sound ?  So the slow speed means more time online – which kills the battery on this thing.  Hard to stay in touch.  Two villages in which I stayed had no mobile coverage and hence no wirelss intnernet either.

Forester's Arms, Dunster

Forester's Arms, Dunster

But they are beautiful to behold. Last night I had dinner in a time warp pub called the “Rest and Be Thankful” at Wheddon Cross in the middle of the Exmoor National Park.  And stayed at the Forester’s Arms in Dunster. After four or so pints of Guinness, the lack of soap in the room didn’t seem to matter all that much, but the increasing attrctiveness of the publican (who was drinking two for each of mine – that’s right six pints when I lost count) was alarming and so I retired to a night of many small trips to the celebrate the effectiveness of my kidneys.

So  what about the shirthouse experience ?

DSM PopShop

DSM PopShop

Well, the first mate is a fashionista and insisted that I wander down the Dover Street when through London I passed (near Green Square).  This is the stamping ground of Comme De Garcon, Anne Demuellemeister and others she adores.  I was instructed to have a look and see what stirred the soul enogh to lay waste to the credit card.  I found a truly fantastic T-shirt for $500, and a workable business shirt – also for $500.  I have to stress that they really were superb with luxurious fabrics and innnovative and interesting designs.  And how pissed off was I that they didn’t have XL sizes let alone XXL.

I was so miffed that I was relieved to get out of there with a tie  that cost the equivalent of thirty pints of Guinness.

Smack the Pony

12 Wednesday Aug 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Cricics, Critics, Everyone's a Critic

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Smack the Pony Cast

Smack the Pony Cast

One of the new wave British comedies – the late night (and much lamented in its passing)  Smack the Pony – is an abiding favourite of mine.

It’s a BBC 4 sketch comedy production that ran between 1999 and 2003.

The title is the female equivalent of spanking the monkey.

The writers and actors include Fiona Allen, Doon Mackichan, Sarah Alexander and Sally Phillips and the role of the hapless male is usually taken by Julian Rhind -Tutt or Darren Boyd. These are wicked, wicked comedians; The humour is a crazy mix of rude, crude and dryly sophisticated humour.  A well-timed raise of the eyebrow or a non-sequitur – so often has me in stitches.

My favourite sketches include the dating agency videos, female competitiveness, the oblivious woman and the pisstakes on music videos that always end the shows.

Swimming pool clip

Bottled Water Contest

Putting on Makeup in the Car

Window Washer

Pashmina

Embarrassing Bikini Line

If huge – and I mean really huge naked breasts offend you, avoid this video clip.

They say the things that make one laugh say quite a lot about a person.  Hmmmm.

Cyrus – part the sixth aka Chap 3 Part 1

07 Friday Aug 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Cyrus the Great: Chronicles

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by Theseustoo

Mitridates

Mitridates

Mitradates was surprised, and not a little frightened, when he received a second summons from the palace. This time, however, it was his ‘son’ Ambares, who was the principal object of the royal summons; he himself was to accompany Ambares only in his capacity as Ambares’ ‘father’ and as such, according to Median law, he knew he might well be held responsible for his son’s behaviour. He also knew that under similar circumstances, almost any other Median father would have already given their offspring a sound thrashing with a birch rod or a leather strap, even before obeying the summons, as a practical demonstration to the king that they were not neglecting their duty to apply parental discipline; and that they were indeed doing their best to bring up their child to be a good and productive citizen.

But except for this one incident Ambares had always been so well-behaved; he was always so respectful and obedient to his elders, especially to his parents; and Mitradates and Spaco both loved him so dearly that they found they could not bring themselves to punish the child before they had heard all the details of his offence, as well as both sides of the story; for Ambares had said nothing to them.

So far, though he loved his parents dearly, he had stoutly refused to tell them the whole story, in case he made trouble for his playmates; especially for those who had helped him punish the rebellious Tembes. Even so they decided not to whip him before his appearance at court; they would wait for the king to decide the outcome of his case and to punish him if he saw fit.

So, uncertain even as to the nature of Ambares’ offence, when Mitradates received the king’s summons to attend the royal court with his son, he was more afraid for Ambares than angry at him; in spite of being also more than a little afraid for his own well-being; for their king Astyages had long been notorious for the highly imaginative cruelty with which he punished those who ever dared offend against any of his extremely harsh, and often arbitrarily-applied laws.

Indeed, Mitradates had also realised very quickly that it was potentially extremely dangerous for him to escort this child especially into the king’s presence. However, he had no choice, for a king’s summons cannot be ignored. In any case he was much more concerned for his young son than he was for himself.

As he contemplated these matters, Mitradates could not help wondering what the king would do to the boy, whom he was supposed to have killed ten years ago, if he were now to be discovered alive. Would Astyages decide to finish the job himself? Would Mitradates and his wife be held responsible? And if so, how would they be punished? He dared think no further than this, but fervently hoped that Astyages would not recognize the boy.

When they arrived at the palace gates, one of the guards escorted them into the throne room and announced them before returning smartly to his post. Overwhelmed by the immensity and great splendour of the palace, Mitradates’ fears mounted even higher as the pair waited silently for King Astyages to notice them and to deign to speak to them.

As the pair approached the throne, the monarch was speaking with the Captain of the King’s Guard, Artembares, who, like Mitradates, was also accompanied by his own son, Tembes; whose puffy red eyes still simmered with obvious resentment at the pain and humiliation he had so recently suffered. Tembes and his father both glowered at them as Mitradates and Ambares stood silently in front of the throne with their heads bowed modestly in the face of such exalted company.

Artembares clutched his son to him protectively as the fearful Tembes cowered from the sight of his adversary. At a nod from the king, Artembares now grasped his son by the shoulders and, turning Tembes’ round so both Astyages and Mitradates could see it, he pulled up his son’s tunic to reveal the wicked red welts that Ambares’ branch had left across the youth’s shoulders. To King Astyages he declared, “Thus oh king, has your slave, the son of a mere cowherd, heaped insult upon my family!”

Astyages descended from his throne to examine the cruel welts on Tembes’ pale-skinned shoulders, and then, turning round to Ambares he demanded, “Is this true?” his voice was incredulous, ”You, the son of so mean a fellow as a cowherd, dared to behave so rudely to the son of one of the highest ranked nobles in my court?”

Perhaps because he was still young and inexperienced, Ambares was nowhere near as frightened as his father. In any case he had already decided that, whatever the king might decide to do with him, he would put a brave face on it. So, with great determination, he looked his king in the eyes, and without flinching answered in a firm, strong voice, “My lord, I only treated him as he deserved.”

The king gave the youth a quizzical look which demanded further explanation; Ambares complied, “I was chosen king in play by the boys of our village,” he began, “because they thought me the best for it. He himself was one of the boys who chose me. All the others did according to my orders but he refused and made light of them, until at last he got his due reward. If for this I deserve to suffer punishment, then here I am, ready to submit to it.”

Astyages now stepped towards the youthful Ambares. He then examined the boy’s face very closely but could find no resemblance at all to Mitradates in it; and yet this face was familiar to him. Indeed he quickly realized that this boy’s face bore a striking resemblance to his own; this young lad had the same sharply angular features and the same hawk-like beak of a nose.

An almost instinctive recognition was suddenly triggered in Astyages’ mind by the natural nobility of Ambares’ reply; that and the courage he even now displayed in front of his king confirmed it; this was no son of a cowherd! And although no further proof was actually necessary, his suspicions were now further reinforced by the calm resignation he read in the youth’s features, and also by the nobility of his bearing and his remarkable self-assurance.

Instantly Astyages divined that this was not the son of Mitradates; and somehow, though he knew nothing at all of the connection between Mitradates and the grandchild he’d ordered destroyed, he nonetheless knew intuitively that this was that very grandson whom he had ordered exposed a little over ten years ago. How he had survived Astyages had no way of knowing at present, but he was determined to find out. Turning once more to the captain of his guard, Astyages said earnestly, “Artembares, I promise you, I will settle this business so that neither you nor your son shall have cause to complain. Now you may leave us…”

Artembares nodded his acquiescence and pulled his son’s shirt back down. Then, forcing his son to copy his obeisance to the king by placing his hand on his son’s head as he did so, he bowed deeply towards their king. Then the pair turned and left the room, both of them much mollified now that it appeared as if an appropriately severe punishment would be inflicted on the transgressor.

When the indignant father and his son had left the room, Astyages turned finally to Mitradates and quietly asked him,

“Where did you get this boy?”

“My lord,” Mitradates replied, hesitantly, “the lad is my own child… The mother who bore him still lives with us in my house.”

Astyages had expected the lie; he made a motion to the guards who stood on either side of the doorway as he said to the cowherd, “You are very ill-advised to bring yourself into such great trouble…”

At the king’s signal the guards stepped forward swiftly, and seized Mitradates’ arms roughly from behind; then they started to drag him away. Realising that he had been caught out in his lie, and that he was about to be dragged away to suffer the most dreadful tortures until he admitted the truth, Mitradates decided instantly that it would be better if he were to admit it now; a swift death would be preferable to a slow and agonizing one; desperately he shouted, “Wait! Forgive me Majesty, I’ll tell you the truth!”

***   *****   ***

(To be continued)

* Conditions Apply

06 Thursday Aug 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in The Public Bar

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Jetstar Plane on its way to Bali to pick up stranded passengers

Jetstar Plane on its way to Bali to pick up stranded passengers**

As Mike tidies up the final preparations for the Eurotrip, he reflects on how not dodgy, not underhanded and downright not unethical the travel industry and carriers have become.

On the front page of Tuesday’s SMH (Tuesday 4th August 2009), there’s a footer advertisement for Jetstar’s Sale – Bali – Denpasar for $779.  But that’s not the $799 that you fork out, it’s the one with the asterisk.  It’s $779*.  So, keen on getting into the richness of this offering from Jetstar, he pulled out his Mike-O’scope and read on.

It turns out that it’s a one way ticket.  Hmmmn. Helpful.  So the immediate question is “how much is a return ticket ?”.  Well, you could phone up to find that out.

But wait !  The fine print says that if you make a booking over the telephone, it’s an extra $25*.

And did I mention that you can’t travel on just any old day.  There are three prohibited periods – nicely cutting out holidays and schoolies peak travel – and leaving you the freedom to go to Bali when the monsoon is on.  Thoughtful !

I know how you like flexibility to deal with life’s little inconveniences – like dealing with Swine Flu or recovering from Shingles or motorcycle accidents, and I’ll bet that you’re mightily relieved to learn that changes to the ticketing ARE permitted and that Sale fares are refundable.  Of course, being a reasonable person (as all our readers are. hahahha) you won’t mind learning that charges will apply.

Of course, these are not stated, but you will trust that they’re not punitive – like the difference between this asterisk sale price and full fare.

And when you might want to rebook, the generous $779* fare might not be available.  AT least you were told – provided that you have a Mike O’scope.

If the Australian government travel advisory says it’s OK then rush right in and book.  And if they change their mind because of a little spot of terrorism, and you’ve already taken up Jetstar’s generous asterix offer, then it’s f&ck you, Charlie !

So $799* might be a great deal – except that you can get to Europe one way for $760*.  But  a lot will depend on the cost of the Euro asterisk.  Bring your own oxygen, perhaps ?  Only 47 stopovers and 3 legs with Trans Yak Airways.

Mike needed to book a flight from Heathrow to Belfast.  Great Internet deal !  The fare is only £12.95 !  Plus £33 for taxes and surcharges.  Plus £8 for his bag weighing less than 20 kilos.  Plus £4 or choosing a seat ! Plus £3 for using a credit card – interesting when there’s no other way to pay.   Total cost for a £12.95 ticket ?  A$129.  Need a new currency converter that builds in a rip-off automatically ?  Sure do !

* There’s the little added thing of shelling out $5 for a credit card usage.  And the alternative way of paying over the internet to avoid the $25 phone call surcharge might be ?

** Read about the 300 or so Jetstar passengers who got stuck in Bali here ……

http://images.google.com.au/imgres?imgurl=http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200703/r132131_440038.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/07/23/1986185.htm%3Fsection%3Dbusiness&usg=__cT0UpOIvLseWk1vRD8ljfWzARZE=&h=562&w=840&sz=67&hl=en&start=4&tbnid=_jSAAbjFfFC7oM:&tbnh=97&tbnw=145&prev=/images%3Fq%3Djetstar%2Bplane%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den

GM Virus Grows Wires

05 Wednesday Aug 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Politics in the Pig's Arms

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…. by  Madeleine Love

But is it safe for the children? she cried.

Don’t know… can’t stop industry, old chap.

Can’t bind them up with shackles.

Regulate?  Heresy!

Tantamount to putting the brakes on profits!

It would amount to a trade barrier

Singing…

Simulated Nano Gizmo

Simulated Nano Gizmo

I read the news today oh boy

It was about nanotechnology

And though the bits were rather small

They had to count them all

State of the World 2006…

“The U.S. government’s National Nanotechnology Initiative (NNI) has spent over $5 billion on nanotech R&D since 2001, making it the biggest publicly funded science endeavour since the Apollo moon shot.”

“The U.S Department of defense has received a greater share of nanotech R&D funds than any other federal agency.”

“The U.S government’s 2006 nanotech budget requests $38.5 million for environmental, health, and safety research on nano-materials – less than 4 percent of the [NNI’s] total budget.”

Nano-biotechnology:  “Angela Belcher, a material scientist at MIT, has genetically engineered the DNA of viruses, inducing them to grow tiny inorganic wires with magnetic and semiconducting properties that may someday provide circuitry in high-speed electronic components.”

Or not.

“Though nanotechnology is sometimes hyped to the hilt, it is no joke and its societal impacts will indeed be titanic.”

“Journey into the Nano-World”  [Australian Government, CSIRO, AccessNano]

  • Anti-odour socks
  • UV-blocking invisible sunscreen
  • Self-cleaning dog bed
  • Anti-fungal gym towel
  • Pencils filled with nanocapsules of fragrance that pop as you write, releasing sweet smells
  • Ultra-light tennis racquets
  • Fridges that fight off bacteria and bad smells
  • New ways of saving water
  • Enviro-friendly ways of producing energy and power
  • Reduce our reliance on raw materials
  • Reduce our energy use
  • Clean our water supplies
  • Computers accessible to more people
  • Increase our medical options
  • A lot easier to keep your house warm
  • No more toxic mercury in lighting systems
  • Mind-blowingly powerful computing
  • Toxic cleanups
  • Medical nano-miracles
  • People who find themselves in wheelchairs due to spinal injuries may soon have a good chance of walking again.
  • Nano-ships containing cancer-fighting drugs through the bloodstream
  • Metal with a memory
  • Artificial muscles
  • Artificial limbs
  • Exoskeletons for astronauts and soldiers
  • Robots that can keep going and going… and going.
  • Artificial skins for aeroplane wings and wind turbine blades
  • What’s for lunch?
  • Nutritional additives
  • Smart packaging avoid refrigerators

“Be an informed citizen

If you wish to take part in public discussions on nanotechnology, it’s important to be informed.  Understanding the risks and benefits of any technology helps you make better choices about how it may be useful.”

Risks?  Why include such a word in an Australian Office of Nanotechnology document?

Back page, small box:  “In Australia, we have regulations that cover the different uses of nanotechnology to ensure it is safe for humans and the environment.”

All the benefits will be yours, and you don’t need to look into this tricky stuff, because we’ll look after the risks for you.

Cyrus Part the fifth….

05 Wednesday Aug 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Cyrus the Great: Chronicles

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By Theseustoo aka astyages

Merodach Baladan

Merodach Baladan

A few weeks later Mandane went into labour; it was not an easy birth. Even from his own personal quarters, Astyages could hear his daughter’s screams of pain as she fought to bring her child into the world. And while he waited for his grandchild to be born, Astyages threw an offering of incense onto a small brazier which stood in front of a statue of the god Merodach, which formed the central feature of a small shrine the king kept for private worship in his chamber. As the dark, sweetly scented smoke rose heavenward from the burning frankincense, the king lifted his eyes towards heaven and prayed fervently:

“Ea! Enlil! Merodach, and all you gods in Heaven! Hear my prayer; I do not wish to kill my daughter’s child; therefore let it be a girl and no threat to me. Thus may I hope to keep both my kingdom and my daughter’s love.”

He kept mentally repeating his prayer over and over again to himself as he listened intently to his daughter’s screams echoing throughout the palace. Finally the monarch heard the unmistakeable sound of a baby’s first cries as it greeted the new world in which it now found itself. Astyages poured himself a large goblet of wine and drank deeply. After a few minutes, Harpagus entered the chamber, carrying with him Mandane’s newborn baby, wrapped in swaddling clothes.

Astyages looked heavenward again, but this time there was not devotion, but rather a look of recrimination on his face. Though he knew the answer even before he asked, the question came unbidden to his lips anyway.

“Well Harpagus? What news?” he asked, terrified of the answer he already knew, as, with great sadness in his voice, Harpagus replied, “It is a boy my Lord…”

Astyages let out a deep sigh and said, “Harpagus, you must now do exactly as I say…” The servant nodded as his king continued, “I beseech you do not betray the interests of your lord for anyone else’s sake, lest you bring destruction on your own head. Take Mandane’s child; carry him with you to your home and slay him there. Then bury him as you will.”

Though horrified to hear it, Harpagus had been more than half-expecting this command and had prepared himself for it. He replied in a voice which, he fervently hoped, displayed more firmness of purpose than he actually felt, “Oh! My king; never in the past have I disobeyed you in anything, and you may be sure that I never will; if it is your will that this thing be done, rest assured that I will serve you with all diligence.”

Relieved only slightly by his servant’s apparent readiness to obey him, even in such a horrifying matter as this, the desolate Astyages now addressed the newly-born infant in Harpagus’ arms and, while silent tears began to roll down his craggy face, he said gently, “Forgive me my grandson; but I cannot allow you to bring upon me the ruin of which the gods have warned me in my dreams…”

Astyages

Astyages

With a curt nod Astyages dismissed his servant. Harpagus bowed silently, turned and left, gently carrying the helpless infant with him as he went; hoping desperately that nothing in either the expression on his face nor his bodily demeanour revealed anything of the turmoil which now churned inside him at having to perform such a task as this. But hiding his feelings was something Harpagus was very good at; for, as the king’s minister he had frequently been obliged to hide his own distaste and personal displeasure at some of the things his king had made him do.

***   *****   ***

Harpagus’ wife greeted him sleepily at the door when he returned home, even though it was in the early hours of the morning. Dutifully she had waited up for her husband’s later than usual return.

“Welcome home, husband!” She greeted him cheerfully; then, catching sight of the bundle he carried in his arms, she inquired, “Well then, what is this bundle you have brought with you?”

Harpagus said nothing but carried the bundle indoors and laid it on a table; as he did so his wife noticed the doleful expression on his face; alarmed, she exclaimed, “But you look so sad! Husband, won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

In tones of infinite sadness, Harpagus replied in a whisper,

“My wife, you must tell no-one of this; this is the grandchild of our King, Astyages… I have been ordered by him to kill this child and bury him as I see fit; I cannot disobey my king.”

The look of absolute shock on her face revealed the horror Harpagus’ wife felt at this revelation as she asked him, “But what will you do?”

Harpagus sighed deeply; all the way home he had been asking himself exactly the same question; he had still found no answer. Yet with growing determination he replied, “Not what Astyages wants me to! No! Even if he were much madder and more frantic than he is now, I will not be the man to do his will, nor lend a hand to such a murder as this!”

He paused for a while; then, searching for a reason to justify his rebellion – to himself more than anyone else – he continued, “Many things forbid me from slaying him. For a start, this child is my own kith and kin;” this was quite true; though the relationship was not exactly a close one, thought his wife, as Harpagus went on, “and Astyages is old, and has no son… If, when he dies, the crown should go to his daughter, whose child he now wishes to slay by my hand, what remains for me but the most fearful danger? For my own safety’s sake, indeed the child must die; but someone belonging to Astyages must take his life, not I or mine.”

As Harpagus was explaining his woeful predicament, his wife brought him a plate with some flat bread and cold meat and a few figs for his supper, with a large goblet of wine to wash it down. As he ate, the couple turned their minds to the problem in hand; it seemed such a pity that such an innocent creature as this babe should have to die. Yet there was no way out of this terrible situation; if the child did not die, they knew that Harpagus would probably be killed in his stead; what else could Astyages’ pointed warning to Harpagus not to risk bringing destruction down on his own head, possibly have meant?

After giving the matter a great deal of thought, Harpagus’ wife eventually spoke, “There is a herdsman I know of who belongs to Astyages’ household, who lives in the mountains. Perhaps you should send for him to take the child and have him expose it on the mountainside where many wild beasts roam?”

“An excellent suggestion, wife…” Harpagus replied with a heavy sigh; sad though it was, at least he would not have the child’s blood-guilt on his hands, “Have one of the servants fetch him to me at once.”

***   *****   ***

(to be continued…)

Glenda and Daphne talk Nanotechnology Shampoo

02 Sunday Aug 2009

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Ladies Lounge, Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ Leave a comment

Tiox Nanoparticles

Tiox Nanoparticles

By Madeleine Love‡

Glenda of the Pigs Legs Waxing and Beauty Salon wanted to get some promotional nanotech shampoo samples trialled….

G:  Daphne – do you want to try this nano shampoo?

D:  We’’ve already talked nanotech Glenda, and I’’ve done my hair anyway.  What about you?

G:  Is Loretta around?

D:  No – maybe you need to ask someone else who’s tried it.  Do we know anyone?

G:  What about Julia’’s partner?

D:  Which Julia?

G:  Deputy Prime Minister, Education Minister Julia.  Mr Gillard’’s a hairdresser.  I met him on a styling course a few months ago – keen on the red shades.

D: I never like to criticize a woman in public life but I don’t like Julia’’s hair colour.

G: Give him a call.

D: Ringing… Here’s the news: Julia released a nanotech Education package for schools a few months ago – AccessNano.  Apparently shampoo’s covered.  Here’s the web address:  http://www.accessnano.org/teaching-modules

D: Logging on….

[Recommended background music:  http://www.accessnano.org/files/teaching-modules/space-elevator/SpaceElevator_Animation.mov ]

D: Look at this PowerPoint module for the year 7’s. http://www.accessnano.org/files/teaching-modules/space-elevator/SpaceElevator_Module.ppt#350

“What if you could build a stairway to the moon?

“What if a path to the stars was paved in carbon?

“What if we had an elevator to the space station?

D: They say it would help to fix a broken toilet in the space station.  That’s good, isn’’t it?

“The space elevator is a theoretical concept – it would provide a permanent link between earth and space.  The cable in a space elevator could only be constructed from an extremely strong flexible and lightweight material, such as carbon nanotubes.

D: Look at the animation…Turn the sound up, Glenda

http://www.accessnano.org/files/teaching-modules/space-elevator/SpaceElevator_Animation.mov

D: Freaking Awesome!  Nanotech wonder!  You and me into space, Glenda.

G: Moving on, where’s Julia’’s Shampoo Education package?

D: Scrolling… Access Nano Teaching Modules… This’’ll be it – Personal Care Products – this one’s for the year 9’s.  That’’s a good time for shampoo education, isn’t it Glenda?  The girls are just getting old enough to earn and spend.

G: This is amazing – I’’ve been lobbying to get hair care into the education system for ages.

D: We’ll go for the solid information in the teacher’s’ guide notes on this one… http://www.accessnano.org/files/teaching-modules/personal-care-products/PersonalCare_GuideGeneral.doc

“Section 6: How do you choose a shampoo?

“Ask students to give a list of properties they think a shampoo should have.

“E.g. It must feel thick or creamy in the hands, and must produce a nice feeling lather. Should smell nice, and not be too expensive.

“What sells a shampoo? Herbal extracts, amino acids from exotic proteins such as silk, nano particles?

“What is the main purpose of a shampoo?

“The prime purpose of a shampoo is to clean the hair, however if the cleaning is over done the protective oils in the hair are stripped out.

D: Glenda, this is quality stuff.

G:  I can’’t believe how good this is.  Read on.

“How do we make informed decisions?

“What information would you need to know before you would consider buying this shampoo which uses ‘NANO’ directly as its brand and claims to contain titanium dioxide (TiO2) nanoparticles, which could penetrate more effectively into the hair and, thanks to its photo catalytic oxidation characteristics, oxidize the harmful residues after hair perming.”

“How would you make a decision regarding these claims made by the manufacturer?

D: Are they saying that the nanoparticles can oxidize the harmful residues after hair perming, thanks to their photo catalytic oxidation characteristics, or is that a claim too?

Glenda was eager

G: Look at the link Julia gave the girls… http://andrewofftheroad.blogspot.com/2006/10/new-shampoo-movement-toward-nano.html

“The bio-safety of nano-technologies or products have become a heated issue in at least US or UK as I know, but in China, there is currently no restriction in this field. If the shampoo really contain nanoparticles, however, I think the first issue woiuld [sic] not be the safety, but the effects of TiO2 as a dye. As a well-known white pigment, TiO2 possesses an outstanding chemical stability. In a country where a black hair is regarded trait of beauty, applying white dye on the hair may hardly be favourable in this case.”

G: It’s when you read the fine print that you find out about the risk – wouldn’’t want a nano-shampoo that changed your hair colour.

D: Thank goodness for Julia.  That’’s why we need more women in politics.

Glenda looked at the nano shampoo samples and thought about Julia’’s hair colour.  She decided to ask Loretta to try it.

A nanometre is a billionth of a metre.  DNA is a few nanometre’s wide.  Hair is 80,000 nanometres thick.  Nanoparticles are generally regarded as anything that has a dimension less than 100 nanometres, but sometimes up to 300 nanometres.  There are two principal concerns.  One relates to size.  Very small dimensions can penetrate cell and nucleus boundaries.  The other relates to chemical reactivity.  While Big Titanium Dioxide might be relatively inert (it is used as a pigment in paint as well as in pre-made icing in your supermarket), Tiny Titanium Dioxide has altered properties.  Nano titanium dioxide is invisible, reflects light, and if Glenda tried the sample her hair may gain ‘luminescence’, but we don’t know if such an effect has been validated.

Typically for the new-tech world, products went into the market place before the safety of the materials were reviewed in a precautionary manner.  It escaped existing regulation because ‘titanium dioxide’ was an approved product – there were no regs for the tiny variety.  There are nanoparticles on plastic film encasing supermarket products, cooking utensils, sunscreen and ‘beauty products’.  We understand there are also some nanoparticle products in a few powdered ‘food’ products.


Carbon nanofibres (space elevator material) have similar properties to asbestos – incredibly skinny and can wiggle through anything.   The ACTU held a seminar on Feb 6th this year.  http://www.actu.asn.au/HealthSafety/Campaigns/ACTUSeminarNanotechnologyTheNextAsbestos.aspx

Steve Mullins’’ presentation pointed to regulatory problems:

  • • No regulatory acceptance that nanomaterials are more hazardous
  • • No nano specific risk assessment or controls mandated
  • • No nano specific monitoring equipment
  • • No nano specific MSDS
  • • No exposure levels
  • • No labels
  • • No requirement to inform
  • • No health surveillance
  • • No training
  • • No nano specific PPE

• Where nano specific risk management applied or promoted, end up trying to apply controls designed for larger material anyway.

• There is no coordinated approach

There are now many studies coming forward on nanotech fibres and particles.  Go into pubmed http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez , type “mesothelioma carbon nanotubes asbestos” – read the study summaries.  Or type in  TiO2 “titanium dioxide nanoparticle safety”.

On April 14th the ACTU went out into the media saying that nanotechnology was the next asbestos. http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/04/14/2541876.htm?site=news

The world authorities on the safety concerns related to nanotechnology appear to be the Australian branch of the Friends of the Earth.  They have complied several documents of studies, as well of lists of products such as sunscreens which are free of nanoparticles.  http://nano.foe.org.au/

Apparently we can wipe our benches with our silver-lined anti-bacterial nanotech underpants.  http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/06/12/2596423.htm?site=news

A National Enabling Technologies Strategy is being developed.  A discussion paper was released.  I got it on 21 July.  Submissions are due in on 7 August. http://www.innovation.gov.au/Section/AboutDIISR/FactSheets/Pages/NationalEnablingTechnologiesStrategyFactSheet.aspx

Governments are acting as cheerleaders for industry rather than regulators.  GM crops are so last centurty.

‡Glenda, Daphne and the Pig’s Legs Waxing and Beauty Salon are entirely fictional, and our Glenda could thus not have done a styling course with a Mr Gillard in real life.

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