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Author Archives: Therese Trouserzoff

Father O’Way – The Early Days 1

27 Saturday Apr 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Mark

≈ 12 Comments

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Father O'Way, Hung One On

february 11, 2016 by mark, posted in before space, father o’way, the early days

Wong O'Way
I’m the one not in the photo
Yes, you are…. that one-piece and wig doesn’t fool me, Hung !

Story by the Mighty Hung One On – a reprise of 2016

Yes well hello. This is the beginning I suppose so I guess that you will all want to know what has happened. I was born, hmm, no, I mean yes, I was born but perhaps we don’t want to go there, well not just yet. Look, lets get down to facts. This is true fiction and no lies have been added to this story unless it has been necessary and it seems it has been necessary quite a lot.

My name is Sandy, well sort of, my real name is Alexander however I prefer Sandy. I mean lets face it, Sandy is better than Alex or Al or something. One reason I prefer Sandy is acronyms, yes acronyms. See my real name is Alexander Leonard Lyndhurst O’Way, ALLOW, dreadful isn’t it, so over time I have developed a love hate relationship with acronyms. Anyway as the story develops you will see what I mean.

So yes, I was born at the Inner Cyberia Hospital(ICH) and as little kids we couldn’t resist putting a “T” in there to make it ITCH as we all reckoned that if you ever went to hospital you always came home with an itch. Sorry, what was that, you have never heard of Inner Cyberia? Well it’s next to Middle Cyberia and on the other side of Outer Cyberia. Pretty simple really. Anyway I was born at the ITCH and unfortunately taken home by the wrong family. See I was born right on change of shift which immediately put me off side with the staff. Nurses hate having to do anything during hand over and guess what, that was me. Well my new family were Chinese and they named me Zing Zang however they gave me a nick name, Nick, phew, imagine trying to explain away Zing Zang when the local bullies are just about to bash you.

My dad, Walter, a very wealthy man, was a watch maker and he was very proud of his shop “Walter Wong’s Watches” (WWW) being displayed across the front in large letters. “One day all this will be yours Nick ” he would say. Well dad, my name is actually Zing Zang but hey, never call me a pedant as I don’t even know what that means. I think you have it on toast for breakfast, pedant butter and funny, yumbo.

My dad was always looking to get richer. He used to tinker with computers and one day at a large family gathering my Dad said “You know, one day computers will communicate with each other via the phone line, the information will be broken up into packets and reassembled at the other end.” “Preposterous!!” came the cries and the next day the men in white coats, other wise known as purse carrying nancy boys, came and took my dad away.

Soon after that the police arrived. My mum was feeling bad because she missed dad but more importantly she had just broken a fingernail, as you do, and the policeman said “Mavis” that’s my mum’s name, “Mavis you’ve brought home the wrong child from the hospital” “Yes, that’s right the Wong child, my Nick” replied mum in her broken English. “No the wrong, wrong child” emphasised the policeman “He’s a Wong” said mum, “No wrong, w.r.o.n.g. child meaning Nick isn’t yours” and so I was taken away to my new family, Farter and Mafarter O’Way.

My new family were poor but really good to me. They didn’t eat fish and rice like the Wong’s but lamb and potatoes instead. My dad was a Traffic Control Officer with the Main Roads dept., otherwise known as a lollipop man, good for a lick for a zac[2] to go to the shop, and my mum was a farmer’s daughter. But, my English teachers will cringe with me starting a sentence with but, but hey, who gives a fun, then they went and named me Alexander, hmm.

This was all very different and it took me a long time to adjust. The great thing was that my first mum and dad became good friends with my second mum and dad, so in the end I had two sets of parents. Farter and Walter would debate every issue under the sun while Mafarter and Mavis would trade recipes and take turns at cooking the main dinner, life was pretty good. And of course the real Zing Zang was nicknamed Billy, Billy Wong, hmm.[1]
One day the Wong’s came over, with sad faces, to tell us that they were moving to Outer Cyberia. Walter got a good job offer in charge of trying to put and egg back together that had fallen from a wall, so he took it.

Now let me tell you, you know how some things are a long way, well Outer Cyberia was a long way plus a bit, like another long way. See what I mean. Perhaps even further then a long way, maybe it might even been further then Coals(Thanks Dave) an, an, and you may not even eat cannibals, whats this world coming to, next there will something good on TV except Aunty and her little cousin

More to come so grit dem teeth and laugh so hard you hurt. Please avoid consuming liquids when reading this story. Your cat and keyboard may end up hating you.

Authors Notes

[1.] Think about it

[2.] I think a zac was sixpence and then became five cents, robbed again as usual. You can see that I am still bitter and twisted about 1966

[3] I have no idea about what this story is about but I’m having fun, hope you are.

[4] I dedicate this story to Helvi who gave me much support and encouragement to get Father O’Way into space and to the WDAPAW Crew who have all contributed ideas for the hapless Sandy

Mr Whippy

26 Friday Apr 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay

≈ 8 Comments

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Mr Whippy

Story by Emmjay

Bit of an out-of-body experience yesterday. I was sitting in the front bar of the pub enjoying a quiet lunchtime glass canoe of Trotter’s Ale with my gourmet bacon and egg roll complete with no rocket or kale and my memory banks overflowed with the sound of “Greensleeves”.

Which goes to show that despite impending dementia, some of our childhood memories built on pavlova, sorry, pavlovian training we will take to our graves. And most likely we will find these pink trucks idling around the afterlife, vending whipped ice cream replete with stubby Flake chocolate bars.

And there I was, basking in the firm belief that they do not make childhoods like that anymore ….. only to discover that they DO !

A Nose for News

24 Wednesday Apr 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Politics in the Pig's Arms, Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 4 Comments

Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula

HR departments are also bastards

23 Tuesday Apr 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay

≈ 3 Comments


Are bosses bastards?

Reprise of a Mike Jones piece from the old ABC Unleashed Blog

Updated 29 Sep 2010, 12:00pm

Just over a year ago I wrote two pieces for Unleashed – Bosses are Bastards, and The Corporate Death Rattle – or how to tell when your organisation is going guts up. Good timing.

Bosses are bastards told the true story of a mate who had been treated badly by his current employer, found a new job with another organisation only to find out that they were short on ethical behaviour too – even trying to chisel him on the agreed salary after the handshake.

Unleashed readers were evenly divided about whether he should have stayed or gone – really a question of whether the devil you know is a better choice than the higher paying but unknown alternative bastard.

Time for an update.

Terry works in a professional services firm. Think about it like say, an accounting firm. As it turned out, he did take the higher paying job with the new employer (who tried to chisel the salary already agreed). It was plan B – that is, no expectation of a long loving employer-employee relationship, but better than being in the frying pan of a struggling firm for less cash.

They put the acid on him from the outset. The pressure was on for him to develop a new strategic plan for marketing the firm’s services. They also expected him to take responsibility for the revenue performance of the new firm. Some impossibilities started cropping up. It takes a while to get to know the people, strengths and resources in a new firm, their current and target clients. Not generally feasible to turn a multi-million dollar revenue firm around in the first month.

Professional services firms often operate like a collection of fiefdoms – that is, a partner will have his or her own team, and the fact that they’re part of a larger firm is almost incidental. These teams protect their own turf and are often unwilling to collaborate or share information – lest some other team steals their thunder – or worse, stuffs up and cruels a nice steady little earner. The scope for collective sales and marketing and national or regional roles can be a nonsense – and in this case, it was.

Of greater concern for Terry was the growing realisation that the CEO and the Chairman had differing views about what they wanted from him – and also whether they felt he was on the right track or not. Dicey position, two bosses. Good cop. Bad cop. And when they insisted that he stay back at work on the week before Christmas (and miss the firm’s Christmas party) to complete the plan – just one month into the job, the writing was on the wall. They were looking seriously like they were trying to steal his intellectual property through the illusion of offering a permanent job where they could get their plan done and then terminate him after the three months probationary period.

So, two days before Christmas, Terry joined the ranks of the unemployed.

But there was a twist.

When a few of the managers in Terry’s former company found out, they offered him contract work such that he was earning and taking home in three days more than when he was working full time. But the illusion of security was destroyed totally.

And three other interesting problems occurred. First, nobody actually was his boss, and everybody seemed to think they were, contracted or not. Second, the woman who had been promoted into the job Terry left was perhaps understandably not too happy about signing off his timesheets and paying him more than she was earning for work for which he was, in effect, competing successfully with her.

Third, this unhappiness expressed itself in a bizarre formal (and unsubstantiated) complaint against Terry for alleged sexual harassment.

Enter the HR department. The plot thickens. The HR Manager told Terry that this woman had a track record of making sexual harassment claims and that she was undergoing counselling following a relationship breakdown. Terry was also advised to avoid being alone with her in the office – lifts, meeting rooms etc. But they still left her in charge of signing Terry’s timesheets. So now getting paid was added to the list of interesting workday challenges.

A month later, after harassment complaints against her from three of her female colleagues had been raised with HR, the firm counselled the woman. But HR bungled that one too. They told her in detail who had made the complaints. They did not counsel her to leave the complainants alone and she went for their throats. So the firm sacked her on the spot.

Then the firm put into action its third restructure in two years and the HR Department started on that tried and true morale crushing exercise of getting people to re-apply for what looked like their old jobs. But when they did re-apply, for many with insufficient patronage from one of the partners, there simply was no place in the org chart. Or the closest similar place was not surprisingly for 20% less money. Young graduate pups recruited six months previously, were “let go”. These folks will make it their mission to poison the firm’s reputation every time they get a chance. And who would blame them?

And so there soon became a growing cadre of Terry-like contractors serving the clients but earning less and without having any job security one month to the next.

I started to wonder what the HR Department really means in today’s organisation. Terry’s experience was that that they were amiable but ineffective beyond doing payroll administration. Moreover they were not to be trusted because in his experience they sanctioned unethical behaviour by the managers and partners. They were the instruments of enforcing unfair and marginal practices that could be successfully challenged at law. Clearly people often see HR as their friends in the organisation, but the circumstances we see increasingly suggest that this view has its limits. In some cases, the HR Department itself faces the unpleasant choice of implementing management policies that disenfranchise other employees or face being outsourced themselves.

Ethical HR is an important contributor to a firm’s culture, but it is not of itself THE culture.

Ethical HR professionals cannot continue to work for essentially evil organisations. They face a choice – like Terry did – to cop working in an unconscionable place day after day, or to leave. That means that evil firms end up with evil HR departments – ones that are certainly not the friends of people who work there.

So then HR retreats to a role of perpetrating bastardry and only putting the brakes on managerial malfeasance in a spirit of protecting the business from prosecution (or successful litigation against their mongrel acts).

In my experience, union membership in professional services firms is practically, if not actually non-existent. But it does seem that a global financial meltdown is a particularly good time for professionals to remember that when the chips are down, it’s the unions who have industrial and employment law expertise and it’s not going to be the HR department that protects their best interests.

Oh, postscript. This HR Department manager and his staff all failed to find a spot in the new org chart and were outsourced. But I guess they would have at least seen it coming. They do, after all draw and maintain the org chart. From psychology and industrial law to graphic arts; such a short trip.

1979

20 Saturday Apr 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon

≈ 5 Comments

Playlist by Algernon

Lay your love on me – Racey

Sunday Girl – Blondie

Tragedy – The Bee Gees

Six ribbons – Jon English

Hit and run – Joe Joe Zep and the Falcons

Nips are getting bigger – Mental as Anything 

I see red –Split Enz

Computer Games –Mi-Sex

I don’t like Mondays – Boomtown Rats

Don’t bring me down – Electric Light Orchestra

I will survive – Gloria Gaynor

Dance away – Roxy Music

Eton Rifles – The Jam

Born to be alive –Patrick Hernandez

Oliver’s Army – Elvis Costello and the Attractions

Walking on the moon – The Police

Cool for Cats – Squeeze

Reasons to be cheerful – Ian Dury and the Blockheads

Bosses are Bastards – a Reprise

18 Thursday Apr 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay

≈ 5 Comments

By Emmjay

Updated 29 Sep 2010, 12:06pm

meeting

Dear Patrons de la salle de Porc, I rediscovered something I wrote NINE YEARS AGO for the ABC’s “Unleashed”. Just thinking apropos the current “we need a wage rise” debate, how prescient this piece was.

“… All bosses are bastards. That’s why.”

It was my father’s response to a teenage inquiry about how come, after 30 years he had not risen a single rung on the ladder from skilled tradesman to something – anything – north of 15 Poverty Avenue.

He routinely saw what a promotion meant; two dollars an hour more than he was getting as a toolmaker and a lot of grief trying to encourage the blokes who yesterday were his mates, to do the unreasonable bidding of the bosses. He rejected the offer to sell out his position at the top of his class and join the bottom of another for which he held deep suspicion, mistrust and not a well-disguised contempt.

At the time I interpreted his answer as being his justification for a complete lack of ambition, but twenty-five years after he passed away, I recently received the ultimate confirmation of this piece of paternal wisdom.

Recently a mate of mine provided – in a fashion – the 21st century proof that all bosses are bastards. The event has a name. It’s called the annual performance review.

He knew it was coming. I helped him prepare for it over a couple of quiet ones at the pub.

We started by building a solid defence against all the likely lines of attack – otherwise known as the dodgy management reasons why his performance was perceived as being insufficiently stellar to support a decent pay rise, regardless of how well the firm was doing.

My mate, had however, in his first six months shaped a couple of pitches that won the firm several million dollars of business, and we decided that it was a poor strategy to go into the review with a negative, defensive frame of mind. He was clearly a winner, and would he not be better off to approach the performance review from a more positive point of view ?

Big mistake.

His boss, and his boss’ boss did not regard his start as being all that good. They were surprisingly uninterested in how he would turn a three million dollar win into several six or ten million dollar wins. They said that he needed to focus on his Key Performance Indicators. What are they? he asked. They weren’t specific – apparently the corporate strategy that these so-called KPIs point towards is a secret.

With nothing more specific than a criticism of “not enough runs on the board”, my mate limped off.

I find it amazing that these bastard bosses failed to understand even the basics of human nature. They had a willing, hard worker with a positive attitude and they turned him into a hostile mutineer in half an hour. If they had had problems with his work in the first year, why was there no proper supervision, correction of errant behaviours or coaching in a more productive approach?

Did they make these people bosses because they are great leaders and motivators? Or bosses because they were poor performers on the production floor but great at sucking up to their foreman and lacking the decency to feel some concern about the implicit shift in power relationships with their mates.

To be fair to his bosses, they could have done a lot worse than rob my mate of any corporate loyalty. They could have missed the annual performance review and suggested that it wasn’t sufficiently important to trouble them. They could have done it late, in a hurry, with no preparation so that they could project the required level of contempt.

They could have made a big deal about how great the performance was – and then offered an offensively low reward to show that they were just kidding with their praise.

Fortunately, this guy was offered a position with one of the competitor firms. He had the interview. They loved him. They agreed on a rate. It was 30% higher than his current job. He accepted and they pressed the flesh on the deal. But for some reason, he held off quitting until the paperwork arrived. There was a delay.

Two weeks later the prospective new boss returned his inquiry about how things were going – and told my mate that the new firm wasn’t prepared to pay as much as had been agreed. Then he was offered ten thousand dollars less than what they had shaken hands on.

So what should he do? Accept the offer from people who have shown that they are bastards even before day one on the new job and wait until they confirm it at the “annual performance review”, or should he work for the current pack of bastards at the lower rate ?

Help me out. I want to avoid giving him a second piece of dodgy counsel. Either way, I think he should listen to the advice of my late father. What do you think ?

It’s your shout, by the way.

Pig’s Arms Election Probe 2

17 Wednesday Apr 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 1 Comment

More Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula

Pig’s Arms Election Probe

16 Tuesday Apr 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 2 Comments

Bullying …. it’s learned behaviour isn’t it. Blame the Spud’s Dad

Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula

Bess Stafford Investigates – 10

16 Tuesday Apr 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 3 Comments

Story by Warrigal Mirriyuula

Zero Sum

10 Out of The Fiery Furnace 02 (1962)

It was Catherine who noticed first.

Eric and William came out of the hallway into the living room. Mrs Morrow had turned on the overhead lights and the room was brightly lit.

“Heavens! That’s you, Eric.” Catherine said with some surprise, then paused, her eyes widening, her mouth dropping, just the merest bit. 

“Eric, what’s happened to you….., Oh my poor darling.” Catherine rushed to Eric.

William couldn’t see what the fuss was about so he came round the other side of Eric and then he saw what Catherine saw as she gently held Eric’s face in her hands. In the revealing overhead light Eric looked like he was a hundred years old. 

Eric couldn’t work out what the fuss was, so he quickly turned to look at his reflection in the glass panes of the hall door.

“Oh, bugger!” Eric frustratedly stamped a foot.

Eric turned back to Catherine and William with a gesture that comprised of shrugged shoulders, rolled eyes, a dumb smile, and finishing with a shake of the head.

“Sorry I forgot to…,ah,….” Eric half turned and pointed down the hall to the front door of the house. 

“I was so enjoying just sitting outside; the cool night air sighing in the Norfolk Pines, the ozone and damp sand. I love that smell; and the sound of the waves breaking and shushing up the beach, that last sibilance and silence as the water finally sinks into the sand… Well I forgot to reset.” Eric looked at the assembled company with a look of abject apology. 

“Mrs. Morrow, I am so terribly sorry you had to see me like this.” Eric ran his hands over his face, “Hhhmmmm…”  then said, “I want you to hold Catherine’s hand. This might be a little alarming, but I want to assure you that none of you are at risk. This won’t hurt a bit.” Mrs. Morrow, her distrust of Eric growing, took Catherine’s hand and gave Eric a sour look. 

Eric then shook himself like a wet dog; but instead of water flying off, there were shards of coloured light rainbowing off him as the angular momentum of the shake threw them from Eric’s clothing, his face and hair, and finally his shoes; before they twinkled out to nothing.

When the shaking stopped Eric adjusted himself, straightened his back and looked at The Staffords and Mrs Morrow. “There you are, all done.”

Mrs. Morrow screamed and pulled Catherine in front of her, clutching her arm and peeping out from behind Catherine’s shoulder. Catherine was dumbfounded and William looked like he’d just been plunged into the middle of the biggest problem he had ever faced.

To the three observers Eric had apparently just shaken away about fifty years. His face; no longer a contour map of wrinkles and lines outlining the terrain of a long life; appeared taught, his eyes brighter, teeth straighter, whiter. Eric was younger. In fact he looked younger than when William and Catherine had last seen him.

Catherine decided that comforting Mrs. Morrow would allow them both time to unconsciously deal with what they had just seen. “This is definitely more your line of country darling.” She said to William as she took the older woman softly by the shoulders and led her away to the kitchen. 

“Mrs. Morrow and I will go and get the brandy. I think we could all do with a drink after that little performance.” She looked at Eric with frank curiosity. “You areall right, aren’t you Eric?” She thought it best to check before she left them.

“Oh yes, fit as a flea, me.”

“Well…., OK…” Catherine still wasn’t sure; but then how could she be sure. She too had no idea what had just happened.

Catherine guided a babbling Mrs. Morrow through the dining room and into the kitchen. The older woman was in shock. A little comfort and hot sweet tea would take the edge off that, but Catherine was going to have a stiff snifter. 

“Bloody Eric!, God love him. Nothing is ever simple with that man.” She was fond of Eric and had long ago accepted the major role he played in their lives. Bess adored him and Eric lived for the time they spent together; and William owed almost everything he had achieved to Eric and the Trust. Even though they had not seen Eric for a few years, he was family.

Back in the lounge room William had adjusted the lighting and the men had sat down by the cold fireplace.

“So lets start with what just happened.” William cutting to the heart of the matter. “You just shook off several decades of senescence; and I did note the photonic effects the shaking produced. I’ll assume that they were…., “time”…, though what manner of “time” they were you’ll have to fill me in on later.” William paused before setting off again. “Given how simple it looked to achieve, I’m also assuming that this is something you do regularly. Which begs the question, “why didn’t you…, “reset”, is that what you called it, “reset”; before we got home? Surely whatever it is that has you so concerned might better have been described by an Eric we could recognise, or at the least, one who wouldn’t destroy the equanimity of our housekeeper with parlour tricks. Poor Mrs. Morrow. You’ll have to work hard to get back in her good books.” 

William, as ever the practical, pragmatic humanist, had accepted that something entirely outside his experience was happening around him tonight, and he knew that it would take some time to understand what had just happened and what it might mean for his family; but Mrs. Morrow’s mind wasn’t up to such acceptance. What had happened was an assault on her reason, possibly her faith, certainly her everyday experience. William would talk with her as soon as the right opportunity presented itself. He was always able to soothe Mrs. Morrow when she became upset.   

“Yes, I really am sorry.” Eric looked genuinely sorry. “You’re right. I was hoping for a long quiet chat with you and Catherine before Bess gets up in the morning. This involves her too.” Eric looked frustrated with himself. “I just buggered it up; I forgot. I’ve been very busy lately.”

“What’s Bess got to do with whatever this is?”

“Just about everything.”

William was internally adjusting to the events of the last few minutes. There was no rational explanation for what Eric had just done, so it was either a kind of mass delusion, or it had happened and it was real; but as yet simply unexplained. 

“Eric, I’ve gotten used to the Trust and its funny ways and I’ve always thought, in the back of my mind you understand, that the work of the Trust and my part in it is of a larger scale than I’ve ever been able to accurately gauge. I won’t pretend to understand that scale, or the true nature of the work that you and the others do, and I’ve always been so very grateful for the welcome the Trust gave me and the support it has shown for my work, but what has happened here tonight requires detailed explanation. I’ve got all night, and you appear to have “time” by the neck.” 

“So do you William, so do you. You just don’t know it.”

“I’m in no position to debate that point so why don’t you just tell me what you mean.”

A short while later Catherine, having calmed and then helped Mrs. Morrow to bed; leaving a generous measure of brandy in a glass on the bedside table; rejoined William and Eric in the lounge room with the bottle of Hennessy and three balloons. 

The men were deep in discussion and seemed almost to be using a different language but Catherine, hearing a few key words, understood that they must be talking about folded space. It was William’s speciality and Eric had been his supervisor and mentor, so there was nothing unusual in their discussion, except the look on William’s face as Eric threw numbers and algorithms around with a kind of hurried urgency. Catherine could see that William was hanging on to every word as though his life depended on it, which incidentally, it did.

Catherine dragged a chair over to join the men and poured the brandy. William and Eric brought their discussion to a temporary close and gratefully accepted the proffered balloons of warming liquor, but Catherine could see that William was deeply distracted.

“You two look like a couple of conspirators. What have you said to William to so distract him?”

Eric offered a gesture suggesting that William might like to field that one.

William, rolling the balloon between his hands, warming the brandy and inhaling the vapours, looked at his wife over the rim of the glass. She could feel his anxiety as William looked directly at her; obviously trying to choose the right words to explain the inexplicable. As usual, William cut straight through to the heart of the matter. 

“Leaving aside Eric’s startling performance for the moment;” William said; his face looking as if he was trying to wrestle an answer into submission;  “apparently we’re meta-humans,” William said flatly, “both of us; though in different ways; and apparently our daughter is even more “meta” that us.” William stopped at that point to gauge Catherine’s reaction.

She looked at Eric with simple disbelief. “What is this nonsense Eric?”

“All too true I’m afraid.” Eric took a slow sip of the brandy.

“What does he mean darling; and what’s this about Bess too?”

“Eric, you’d better handle this. I’m not sure I’ve understood you well enough to convey even the smallest bit of the important meaning in what you’ve just told me.” 

Eric tightened his lips and nodded.

“Catherine, I see you’ve hung a new picture.”

At this both William and Catherine burst out, “Oh, for God’s sake, Eric…” but Eric put his hands up. “Bear with me,” He looked at Catherine more closely. “The picture Catherine; its one of yours, isn’t it? What do you call it?”

Catherine face became a mask of caution. She looked at the painting and then at William and finally at Eric, her face slowly freezing to a quiet stillness. Her reply, “The Fiery Furnace”, was a little anxious.

“Those twisted and tortured elements look like a car; an abstracted, folded car. A car being consumed by a chaos of flames. And those two other elements seemingly emerging from the maelstrom. What was your thinking as you worked on it.?”

A dream from a few moths ago came back to Catherine as if someone had just hit replay.

“It was critique. The ugliness of cars and car related stuff. To hell with it, I thought; burn it all up.” That sounded like bravado. Her quiet deceptive tone suggesting even Catherine didn’t believe that.

“It’s not like you to choose an “ugly” subject. Its quite confronting and yet very beautiful, in its own unapologetic way; but was that really what you were thinking, or did you…see, something else.” Eric was looking right into Catherine’s eyes. 

She thought she could almost feel him in her mind, and she knew he was right. The painting wasn’t some kind of social critique, it was history, a waking dream filled with a burning vision of flame and twisted, tortured metal. She remembered the look on little Bess’ face when she had finished the work and called her in to give her opinion. 

Bess had looked at the painting and turned to smile at her mummy and said, in all innocence, as though it were the child who had to reassure the mother, “You won’t die Mummy.” It had been a statement of fact, and Bess had given her mum a cuddle and gone back to play with Ellie, leaving Catherine a little perplexed and somewhat shaken.

The painting of the “The Fiery Furnace”, executed with an obsessive haste, had been in response to the vivid and disturbing nightmare that Catherine had had some months ago. The dream, in which she and William had been driving the Humber down Barrenjoey Road towards the little bridge behind Bilgola, had seemingly come from nowhere; and, while she’d “seen” the crash and the subsequent fire, she had been left with a deep uncertainty about the outcome. What had happened to William, what had happened to her? That uncertainty had become the defining theme of the painting. Could one survive death in a fiery crash?

What Catherine had thought or felt at the time, she could no longer accurately remember, but now it seemed that little Bess had already known, and Eric knew too, and William; she looked at William, the man she loved, the father of her child; he knew too it seemed. Catherine was trembling.

“Will we die tomorrow Eric? Or will it be something else?” It seemed a perfectly rational question to Catherine; and one that required an immediate answer.

“You weren’t in the car.” Eric tisked. “Sorry….; you won’t bein the car.”

Catherine looked at William who was nodding his head confirming that Eric was right, everything would turn out OK.

“This is too much!” she exclaimed.

“Yes it is; but I’m also afraid that it might not be enough.” Eric looked down between his knees , wringing his hands a little. 

“William you might remember that Einstein claimed, to a friend, that his wife, Elsa, was still alive, though she had died some time ago. His belief in the continuing life of his dead wife was almost certainly a cognitive coping mechanism; he wanted her to be still alive, so he believed it to be true. 

Of course I don’t think he really believed he might be able to access that continuing living reality, but it comforted him to think that somewhere, sometime, she was still living.

Einstein was completely right, but really had no clue as to the nature of that life; what it might be constituted of, how she might have lived.

He was still bound up in the sequential nature of existence. He was quite literally a man of his time. Her death, being in the past, simply made her inaccessible to him. Of course he knew just about all there was to know about space and time, at that time. He’d created most of that ontological mass. What he didn’t know was how simple it might have been for him to find Elsa, if he could only transcend the temporal dimension.”

Eric paused to gather his thoughts before plowing on. Catherine and William had been listening closely, probably in the hope of some explanation they could get their material brains around.

“Imagine for a moment that your Humber had a button or switch on the dash that you’d never pushed or flicked. It had just been there when you bought the car. Imagine that, having never had cause or thought to activate the switch, you had also neglected to learn from the manual what the switch was for. What it did. Imagine then that one day a person says to you, “Oh, I see you have the new Humber with the time switch.” and then went on to explain how manipulating the switch gave access to slices of time to which you could “drive” the Humber.”

“Sounds like the set up for a children’s radio serial. “The Horological Humber”; Adventures across the clock. Creates a whole new set of possibilities for the Sunday afternoon drive.” William’s joke seemed to lighten the moment a little.

“Funnily enough, it is about that simple once you get the knack; and believe me, you both have the knack. Let me show you. Let me flick that switch.”

And he did; and both William and Catherine just slumped back in their chairs, their eyes wide with wonder and amazement; their faces flipping from smiles to open mouthed awe, then consternation, then irreducible stupefaction. Whatever it was that Eric had started had nothing to do with the real world and both their minds were entirely taken up with visions; hallucinatory, impossible dreams; but for all the sudden uncertainty, they were in no danger.

Eric observed the couple for a short while, smiling, they’d be like this for a while. 

He then wandered back through the dining room to the kitchen and into Mrs. Morrow’s quarters. Slipping quietly into her room he noted with some relief that she had found sleep, though her brow remained furrowed and Eric could see that hers was a troubled sleep. “Well, that’s hardly surprising.” Eric said to himself.

He smiled gently at Mrs. Morrow’s sleeping form and quietly laid a hand on her forehead. 

Mrs. Morrow’s brow relaxed and a hint of a smile appeared on her lips. “There, that’s better isn’t it?” 

Satisfied, Eric rejoined William and Catherine who were still lying in their respective chairs, their eyes now closed, their breathing deep and regular. Behind their closed eyelids Eric noted the REM like flickering of their eyes and he wished more than anything that he could see what they were seeing in the way they were seeing it. It cast his mind back to his own Damascene moment; his own conversion to the new, bigger reality. That moment when all the contradictory, confusing uncertainties of his everyday human existence had transmuted into a new teleology that was both staggering in its extent and implications, and yet, uplifting and invigorating. A new life, a life without end.

But that had been so long ago, and his memory had discarded so much more than it held that his existence had become a day to day thing, always in the moment; until he had become aware of the coming trouble. 

He crept away from William and Catherine and found his way to Bess room at the rear of the house.

Slipping inside he sat down on the edge of Bess’ bed. Bess’ little Staffie, Ellie, was curled up with her on the bed. Bess was sleeping soundly and Eric could tell that she was dreaming, so he insinuated himself into her dream. He knew she wouldn’t mind.

Little Bess was playing with Ellie on a grassy hillside covered in wild flowers. In the distance there was a range of high snow covered mountains from which direction a light, cool breeze was blowing. Ellie was chasing butterflies, leaping and barking in an exposition of doggy joy. A glorious sun backlit the fluffy clouds as the breeze swayed the flowers in the sunshine. Bess turned towards Eric and seeing him, jumped up and ran to him, wrapping her arms around his middle. Eric stooped and picked her up, holding her out at arm’s length; Ellie leaping at his feet.

“How’s my favourite girl?”

“Perfectly fine, thank you Uncle Ecci” she offered rather formally, before he brought her in and they gave one another an enormous hug full of good feelings.

“This is a dream isn’t it Ecci?”

“Yes sweetheart, it is; but I just had to see how my favourite Little Miss was doing.”

“Is it time Ecci. Is that why you’ve come?” 

“Yes my darling, it’s time.” He put Bess down and Ellie fussed around her, then standing up against Bess, in that way that Staffies do, Ellie looked from Eric to Bess and back again. She barked once.

“Can Ellie come too Ecci. She loves adventure.”

“Yes Ellie can come too. In fact Ellie’s a very important little girl, we couldn’t be without Ellie.”

“That’s good. I wouldn’t want to be without Ellie, and Mummy and Daddy of course.”

“That’s right, we’ll all be going together; but I have some other things to do now, so you have fun and we’ll see one another when you wake up in the morning.”

“This is going to be the biggest adventure…” Little Bess stooped and grabbed up a stick, then threw it down the hill for Ellie to fetch. As she ran down the hill after Ellie she shouted over her shoulder, “See you then. Love you.”

Eric felt a swell of emotion. Little Bess was so full of innocent wonder and enthusiasm for life. Even the strangest things seemed unable to unsettle her. 

Eric slid back to his place on Bess’ bedside, smiling down at the little girl’s sleeping form. He stood slowly and crept from the room.

1969

15 Monday Apr 2019

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon

≈ 7 Comments


Playlist by Algernon

Sugar Sugar – The Archies

In the year 2525 – Zager and Evans

In the Ghetto – Elvis Presley

Aquarius – The 5thDimension

Get Back – The Beatles

Honky tonk woman – The Rolling Stones

The Real thing – Russell Morris

Where do you go to my lovely – Peter Sarstedt

Hair – The Cowsills

I started a joke – the Bee Gees

Dear Prudence – Doug Parkinson

Something in the air – Thunderclap Newman

I heard it through the grapevine – Marvin Gaye

Hot fun in the summertime – Sly and the family stone

Je T’aime – Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg

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