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Author Archives: Therese Trouserzoff

The Pig Arms Favourites 2016 – Part 4

07 Saturday Jan 2017

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon, Bands at the Pig's Arms

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

Eddie Cochran, Lovin' Spoonful, Paul Simon, Sam Carty and the Astronauts, Scott Walker, the Association, the Beach Boys, The Cowsills, The Kinks, The Monkeys, The Young Rascals, Thunderclap Newman, Tommy James and the Shondells, Velvet Underground

best-of-2016-4a

Playlist by Algernon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY5MDivdcEE

Nervous Breakdown – Eddie Cochran

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=falI0baGhBQ

Groovin’ – The Young Rascals

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv3WB2loIA4

Draggin the line/ Crystal blue Persuasion – Tommy James and the Shondells

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLs09J_x6-c

Sunny Afternoon – The Kinks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXsyXjZPvGU

Mother and child reunion – Paul Simon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy5T6s25XK4

Boy in the Bubble – Paul Simon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-zgdGQB4S4

The old man’s back again – Scott Walker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwDh-xea40s

Rain on the Roof – Lovin’ Spoonful

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiMCTjO_dHI

The Rain, the park and other things – The Cowsills

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPYT9Vyu62A

Windy – The Association

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUzs5dlLrm0

Pleasant Valley Sunday – The Monkeys

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3E5YIP-DvU

There she goes – Velvet Underground

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8zmkzshUvE

Something in the air – Thunderclap Newman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_-ReVGntJM

Syncopate – Sam Carty and the Astronauts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fUyRp0NEzo

Do It Again – The Beach Boys

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pig’s Arms Guide to the Edinburgh Tattoo

01 Sunday Jan 2017

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Uncategorized

≈ 29 Comments

edinburgh-tattoo-1

FM Provides your exclusive guide to the Edinburgh Tattoo.

Left-Right-Left

Right-Left Right

Left-Right Left

Repeat for three hours or until comatose….

edinburgh-tattoo-design

More Interesting Edinburgh Tattoo

Riding Instructions for 2017: Time to Abandon the Least Worst.

01 Sunday Jan 2017

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Australian politics, Bill Hayden, Democracy, Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Fraser, Malcolm Turnbull, Tony Abbott

4713254284_016e1c921b_b

Story by Emmjay

I watched an American Ted Talk yesterday where the chap was arguing something along the lines of “OK we’ve seen what the protest vote gets the world (Trump that is), fair enough, people have a right to be pissed off – and a right to send a message to conventional politicians that business as usual is no longer an option.”

He then went on to propose something particularly non-novel – namely direct action at a local level.

Well, OK to that, but so far direct action has had a pretty spotty track record. How long did it take for the Moratorium movement to reverse the politics of Australia’s involvement in the Vietnam War ? No discernible progress on renewable energy or climate change or preventative health care.

I think that democracy is the right way to go, but not many allegedly democratic nations seem to be much good at ensuring that every person has a say and then deciding what parts of that “say” are worthy of enactment.

More importantly, a constituency where the uninformed or even plain stupid “will of the citizens” gets turned into policy that drives legislation or regulations simply (and only) because fuckwits have the numbers, is not good enough in my book.

When we see and hear politicians say that their views are accurately reflecting the will of their constituency, I say that they are not doing the whole job.

They should be able to reflect a considered view of their constituencies and then, in cases where that view is retrograde, they have a responsibility to propose better policies and then convince their electorates to support that.

But it’s a loaded deck, isn’t it ?

Simple-minded preferences by the proletariat have been demonstrably influenced by super powerful narrow sectional interests – not mentioning:

  • media moguls,
  • carbon energy tycoons,
  • food industry power groups,
  • big pharma,
  • the military industrial complex
  • the national and international banking industry
  • real estate moguls
  • big retailers
  • mining industries
  • water resources owners
  • major political parties
  • tax avoiders anonymous
  • And probably many more self interest cabals.

The fact that a clearly evil and unworthy emperor can become elected as the next head of the western world – with the approval of Russia – if not China and the rest of the west – proves the point.

Decent Republicans (if that’s not an oxymoron) reportedly voted for Hillary Clinton – their mortal political foe – as a least-worst option to no avail. And we have seen the pattern repeated here in Australia.   Despite being completely unknown outside of Queensland, Rudd massacred Howard – because the electorate disapproved so strongly of Howard that (as Bill Hayden was famously quoted) “A drover’s dog could have defeated Howard. But when the ALP – if not the rest of the country tired of Rudd’s control-freak ways and random policy walk, Australia was presented with a new PM and we had the privilege of watching internecine warfare destabilising what now appears to have been a relatively good Gillard government by contemporary standards. So our least worst option was to elect Tony Abbott despite his pig ignorant character, his 1950s misogyny, his climate change denialism and his cringe-worthy representation of Australia on the world stage.

Being not complete fools, the Libnats decided to punt Tony before the election and gave us the opportunity to support the popular Malcolm Turnbull. He was popular because he stood for the kind of conservatism that Australia traditionally likes – to cast fear and doubt about the ALP’s ability to manage an economy financially (despite Rudd’s undeniable success during the worst of the Global Financial Meltdown (GFM), and carry on with the “be nice and do nothing” kind of conservative approach to government.

Australians by and large aspire to some kind of fairness ethic and when the matter came to same sex marriage, Malcolm showed his true colours – colour me shit scared of the loony right wing faction – and the simplest, least earth-shattering change to marriage law was dropped unceremoniously into the “too hard” basket after an eternity of round the houses debates about plebiscites and free votes.

This is an interesting contradiction to my earlier point that democratically elected representatives ought do more than merely reflect the imagined will of their constituency – they should lead our society. In the case of same sex marriage issue, the Libnats actually led us back to the 1950s . It’s surprising that they didn’t recriminalise homosexuality.   And the ever-worthy ALP sat there, amused by the Libnats’ self-torture added a big fat zero to the table.

So when Malcolm decided to call an early election, Australia responded in accord with the times. We were clearly unable to pick the least worst candidates and by extension the least worst government. It was for all intents and purposes a dead heat. Labor and the Libnats were judged to be about equal in terms of uselessness.

Australia played it safe again – by electing a government not on predisposed to do sweet fuck all, but a government barely qualified to act on it’s disposition.

When I reflect on how Howard wasted more than a decade of Australian history, it’s astonishing that his complete lack of effort has been so overwhelmingly eclipsed by Rudd-Gillard-Rudd, Abbot, Turnbull, Turnbull, that total fuckwits now control the senate and the passing of legislation and regulation – even ideologically based and ethically wrong and criminal work like the cruel maltreatment of refugees, the repeated disenfranchisement of the poor, infirm and disabled from welfare – slips through parliament like a turd through a sewer pipe.

So how do we abandon the habit of picking the least worst governments ?

I think this is at least a two-step process.

First, we cannot accept a rotating front door to the leadership of Australian and state (and local) government bureaucracies. After all, the government – only makes the laws. It’s the various levels of public service that implement them. When Fraser sacked virtually all the heads of federal departments along imagined as well as real ideological grounds – and then let middle order management atrophy, he did Australia no service by setting a precedent for every government following – of both political persuasions. Australia has ended up with government by a public service characterised by top enders who must at least appear to be sympathetic with the government politicians of the day (no matter how loony and incompetent these politicians may be) supported by junior staffers who lack the experience of knowing when a bad policy will inevitably lead to disaster for the departments and possibly for the government as a whole. So I am advocating senior bureaucrats be selected on demonstrable merit by independent judges and that they enjoy the Westminster privilege of secure employment based on providing their ministers with frank and fearless advice.

The second plank in my platform is to advocate that we as Australians stop voting for parties that reflect a broad support for our individual ideological bents, particularly when the preselected (now there’s a topic to launch on !) representatives are clearly party toadies and / or unworthy of our support. Remember how Cheryl Kernot was far more effective as a Democrat than when she was later massacred by the electorate as a Labor stooge. Maxine McHugh ? Peter Garrett ?

I for one would prefer to vote for a person who showed commitment to the special needs not just of my electorate, but the current and future needs of our country. It’s our job to seek these people out. And to flush out the pond scum that so frequently graces our houses of parliament.

Off you go, then. Them’s your riding intructions for 2017.

The Pig Arms Favourites 2016 – Part 3

30 Friday Dec 2016

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon, Bands at the Pig's Arms

≈ 25 Comments

Tags

Bill Withers, Bo Diddley, Brook Benton, Curtis Mayfield with the Impressions, Harry Belafonte, James Hunter six, Johnny Cash, Leonard Cohen, Loggins and Messina, Marvin Gaye, Otis Redding, Sam Cooke, The Herbaliser, Wilco

2016-favs-3a

Playlist by Algernon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBn5aIfZElE

Chain Gang – Sam Cooke

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnPMoAb4y8U

Try a little tenderness – Otis Redding

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-kA3UtBj4M

What’s going on – Marvin Gaye

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdKEbnS1eBE

People get ready – Curtis Mayfield with the Impressions

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It7107ELQvY

Ring of Fire – Johnny Cash

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16B5Xm8_IKw

The Lonely Bull- Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Tou8-Cz8is

Day-O – Harry Belafonte

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hlMi6PvUDE

Your momma don’t dance – Loggins and Messina

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQZBaJAngH8

Lido Shuffle – Boz Scaggs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwlogyj7nFE

Under the Bridge – Red Hot Chilli Peppers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGKDT-33rx4

Nursery Rhyme – Bo Diddley

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDRbF80NKDU

Rainy night in Georgia – Brook Benton

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIdIqbv7SPo

Ain’t no sunshine – Bill Withers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa2XnouRXKo

One Sunday Morning – Wilco

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wf5NN3oanzE

Winter Lady – Leonard Cohen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TebRF1hjR0

Baby (Hold on) – James Hunter six

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USSUCqZXbcE

The missing Suitcase – The Herbaliser

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rabbi Sharon Brous – Reformation and Reclamation

25 Sunday Dec 2016

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Pig Psalms

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Rabbi Sharon Brous, Reclaiming Religion

O’Way in a Manger

24 Saturday Dec 2016

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Uncategorized

≈ 9 Comments

the-nativity-espresso

It’s been a long tradition at the Pig’s Arms for the pub to sponsor the nativity play at St Generic Brand’s Sunday School.

Sunday school at St Generic Brands is traditionally held on Friday afternoon because Saturday is for sport and Sunday is for sleeping in after Saturday night post sport mortem at the pub.

This year was a particularly important one for St Generic Brands because the twins were cast as Mary and Josef. (It was spelled with an eff this year not because – as was widely held in the public bar that 2016 was completely effed – but because of another major sponsor (Hedgie’s boss) is Polish.

Baby Jesus was to be played by one of the kids of one the girls from Rosie’s Tattoo Emporium and House of Pain across the road from the pub.

As was also a tradition, two of the wise men from the East were to be played by Merv and Granny, but this year, Big was unavailable due to being scheduled on for the parting breaking of the waters.

So the first drop this year was to be played by Foodge. Foodge practiced and practiced his one gift-giving line, but Merv and Granny were concerned because, as is well-known in the pub, Foodge can sometimes be a little tongue-tied with any of the folks from Rosie’s Tattoo Emporium and House of Pain. Rumour has it that tongue-tied was only part of his restraint in RTEHP.

Being Friday night, the pressure to get the play over in time for the front bar to watch Midsomer Murders was intense.

All was going well. The Inn was conveniently over-booked because, well, it was Christmas after all. Father O’Way had cleaned out the garage. Hedgie had organised the stable vegetative material. The half-keg crib was in place replete with simulated baby Jesus. Gez had organised the livestock and true to form the lamb looked a lot like a tricolour Jack Russell.

The scene was capped off with a Hung star signifying that the Wise Men’s route was complete and guidance would cease.

The crowd was primed for the arrival of the Three Wise Men, who duly stubbed out their camels and deferentially approached the nuclear holy family.

“I bring you gold, baby Jesus” said Merv and Mary noticed that he had slipped in a couple of scratchies for good measure.

“Baby Jesus I bring you Myrrh”, murmured Granny.

Foodge stepped up.

“Frank sent me” said Foodge who was not well versed in scents of the Occident.

“For Christ’s sake, Foodge.” Said Merv.

“Jesus H” said Granny.

Simulated baby Jesus beamed and the scene was lit by a holy LED.

“You beauty. Two bucks !” said Mary – whose scratchie had come in.

“This must be a sign” said Foodge.

“Right. Let’s go and wet the baby’s head” said Father O’Way .

“I’m parched” said ‘Shoe.

The assembled throng climbed aboard Foodge’s Zephyr and made haste to the blessed Pig’s Arms.

Wishing everyone a safe and merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous new year.

Emm and FM

The Pig Arms Favourites 2016 – Part 2

24 Saturday Dec 2016

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon, Bands at the Pig's Arms

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs, Chet Faker, Clairy Browne and the Bangin’ Rackettes, Daddy Cool, Israel Kamakawiwo’ole, John Coltrane, Leonard Cohen, Little Red, Missy Higgins, Neil Young and Crazy Horse, Pseudo Echo, Radio Birdman, Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings, Tomm

the-pig-arms-favourites-2016-b

Playlist by Algernon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi4pzKvuEQM

Gold – Chet Faker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaN4vma0n0A

Shark Fin Blues- Missy Higgins

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1rVcRWvnMc

Love song to the world – Clairy Browne and the Bangin’ Rackettes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7E9JV687Do

Still Goodbye – Clairy Browne and the Bangin’ Rackettes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4WYVd-o_iw

Somebody left me crying and Time to Live – Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WI4dWXuC6Ww

Hi honey ho – Daddy Cool

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmQlBfxh4Us

I got You – Split Enz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnejLmQGYhg

Funkytown – Pseudo Echo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z26BvHOD_sg

Over the Rainbow and Wonderful World – Israel Kamakawiwo’ole

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z5cRYd1Vr4

Ole – John Coltrane (18 minute track)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTTC_fD598A

First we take Manhatten –Leonard Cohen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IK-vpaKnn7w

Winterlong – Neil Young and Crazy Horse

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-Ok_otzVQ4

It’s alright – Little Red

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lebmtsgQM0

Firefight – Tomm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC1oQ3jdzCU

Aloha Steve and Danno – Radio Birdman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQOYAjd8icg

I’m still here – Sharon Jones and the Dap-kings

 

Bumper Christmas Edition 2016 – Gregor’s Book Club Review – the Boible.

19 Monday Dec 2016

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Gregor Stronach

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Bible review, book club

 

article-1008553-00d0cacd00000578-481_468x303

Charlton Heston’s parting gesture

Thank you all for coming along last month – the discussion we had on this book was “lively and vigorous”, which is precisely the sort of discourse we all enjoy.

But I just wanted to share with you my own thoughts, without interruption (I’m looking at you, Janice… I don’t care where, or when, you went to private school… and to be honest with you, I’m still not convinced “Presbyterian” is even a real word…)

Anyway… I’ve taken the time and effort to put pen to paper, and I would appreciate it if you would all read this.

“My Review of The Bible” by Gregor….

This book started off reasonably well – with an old guy who was really into arts and crafts, who got some silly putty and a few other bibs and bobs and apparently built an entire universe. That’s pretty amazing.

But you realise pretty soon that he was clearly a bit daft – because it was only once he was finished that he remembered to turn the fucking lights on…

Then he made a naked dude (fast-drying modelling clay was his oeuvre of choice at this point in his career), and then he made a chick (he had to use some of the modelling clay from the dude, though… I think it might have been a bit late in the evening and the craft shops were all shut or something), and then a snake (more modelling clay, but super-easy to make) and some fruit… and then the narrative sort of gets a bit garbled at this point, but the snake and the chick did something gross with the fruit and the old guy was all like “Get off my lawn. And put some fucking pants on…”

So the chick and the dude had to move out of home, and they had two sons… which was always going to be tough, because neither of them had jobs, and I’m not sure the old dude had invented welfare by that stage…

Anyway, the two sons fought, like brothers do, and it all got a bit out of hand and one of them killed the other one… and the old dude was super-angry about it, and was all like “seriously, all of you… fuck off. go away.”

So the only remaining child of the dude and the chick wandered off into the wilderness… and found a woman, who just happened to turn up so they got married (it’s a bit of a major plot hole… but… well… I can’t explain where she came from. Unless she was his sister. Which, is actually kind of gross now that I think about it…)

And from there, it just becomes one of the most violent books I’ve ever read. Mass killings, enslavement of entire races of people, war after war after war… and then, just when you think you can’t handle any more murder and violence, there’s this weird sexy poetry stuff in the middle for no apparent reason… It’s like 50 Shades of Grey.

Violence, Sex, then Violence… and there’s that endless list of “this guy fucked that girl, who gave birth that other guy, who fucked this other girl…” On and on, it went – like two ageing drunks arguing in a pub over who’d slept with the most women.

And then, there’s this *massive* plot twist that *no-one* saw coming in the second half of the book… it turns out that one of the dudes (spoiler alert) is actually the son of the really violent, embittered and emotionally insecure “omniscient being” from the first half of the book!

And, frankly, I’m amazed that the rest of the book wasn’t about how everyone the new guy met spent hour upon hour telling him “Dude, your dad is being kind of a prick…”

Sure, he tries to explain a lot of it away as “you’ve misinterpreted what he was saying when he said it was cool to kill loads and loads of people”, and “well… Lot’s wife was always pretty salty anyway”, and “okay… look… dad was a bit of a drinker, and sometimes he lost his temper and liked to beat his children”…

So he decides to go all hippy… I’ve seen all the pictures…. the beard, the long hair, the kaftan and the sandles… classic hippy fashion. And then he goes “how about we set up some new rules? You know, nice ones. where “we all get to love one another, as I have loved you” he said, winking knowingly to Matthew and Peter…

Matthew was cool about it all, but Peter got all uptight about it and “denied knowing the new guy three times before the cock crowed” – arguably one of the most laboured metaphors in literary history, if you ask me…

But then it all gets violent again, some Roman dude nails the new guy to a stick, then someone pinches his body for medical experiments or something – then the rest of the people he used to hang out with basically write each other lots of letters about what happened

They called this whole section “the epistles of the apostles” – which would have been a completely awesome name for someone’s critically acclaimed but commercially unsuccessful third solo album in the 1970s, if they hadn’t have used it up 2000 years earlier…

And just when you think it can’t get any weirder, the entire last chapter is clearly someone at the tail end of an acid binge shouting random thoughts into a Dictaphone and forcing their secretary to type it out, word for word, and fax it page by page over to the publisher because they were four months past deadline and no one will get paid if they don’t finish the whole book before church started on Sunday morning…

Overall, I give it one star out of five… just because it would have taken *ages* to write.

It’s really, really long.

The Pig Arms Favourites 2016 – Part 1

18 Sunday Dec 2016

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon, Bands at the Pig's Arms

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

Bryan Ferry, David Bowie, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, garbage, Joe Strummer, Oasis, Rod Stewart, Simple Minds, The Stranglers, The Style Council, Uriah Heep, Van Morrison

the-pig-arms-favourites-2016-a

Playlist by Algernon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRD0ghlFSgk

Golden Years – David Bowie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLnPd7lzT4g

Suffragette City – David Bowie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kszLwBaC4Sw

Blackstar – David Bowie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OAZ-BPjB0U

Omotepe – Joe Strummer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOXUm3pKknU

Carrickfergus – Bryan Ferry

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0iuaxvkXv4

Wizard – Uriah Heep

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWWwM2wwMww

Turning Japanese – The Vapors

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuT5KUA7iaY

Peaches – The Stranglers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrnvPCSP6Q8

Welcome to the Pleasuredome – Frankie goes to Hollywood

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdqoNKCCt7A

Don’t you forget about me – Simple Minds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dH8Oj2W7yeA

Starting a new life – Van Morrison

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bx1Bh8ZvH84

Wonderwall – Oasis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpBFOJ3R0M4

Only happy when it rains – Garbage

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gg2vxuwSflE

Mandolin wind – Rod Stewart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRGnXprimbg

Have you ever had it blue – The Style Council

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m94ip38UKs

Shout to the top – The Style Council

 

 

Hon and Merv Meet in the Carpark

18 Sunday Dec 2016

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Sandshoe

≈ 3 Comments

.shoe

By Sandshoe.

Hon Shades was head down sideways on the car park bitumen and some would say arse up. Something held her attention. Under her Chrysler Merv could see that and he wouldn’t say what I just did about Hon’s rear end. Merv certainly knew an arse up from a pair of well rounded buttocks projected skywards.

He knew they were Hons’.

Merv recognised the rubber ripple tread soles of her special golf shoes she had tucked together under her for support to hold her own rear chassis up and not too far under they couldn’t be seen. Knees splayed for extra traction on a creased portion of a blue camper’s ground sheet she was trying to ferret out something or get to it.

“What’s up, Hon?” Merv called. He made a bit of noise with his feet on the gravel to let her know it was him.

“Who’s that!”

It was more of an exhaled grunt and a gasp than words but Merv got the gist.

“Me,” he said, unnecessarily as it turned out. Hon had gotten herself up and out clear of the sweep of the car line her head was disappearing under. Her muscular thighs propelled her onto her feet in a twist and a leap of the singular muscle that was Hon.

The arm projecting in front of her shoulder was transformed in a classic block and the other raised. Her fist clenched.

“Christ, Merv, it’s only you.”

“You were goin’ to deck me one, Hon.”

“One’s conservative, Merv. I was gonna thrash whoever it was black and blue.”

Merv looked crestfallen.

“Didn’t mean to get your goat up, Hon. What are you doin’? Thought you were at the tournament. You said other day.”

Hon threw herself back down on the tarp and grunted as she resumed the same posture and reaching into the unseen under the chassis of the big yellow Chrysler. She was in it to win it, Merv told Foodge later. Foodge sucked on a lozenge and didn’t comment straight off. He was hands on a big case in court.

Idle curiosity rarely got Foodge best of times.

“Merv, what was she doin’?”

“She dropped a packet of ball bearings and the packet split,” Merv said. He licked a dollop of froth off his top lip.  “Think I was a bit vigorous pouring this beer, mate but it’s nicely cold and wet. It’s doin’ the trick.”

Foodge stared at Merv. “Uncle Merv, I can’t ever remember you havin’ a beer.” He swirled his glass of Milo in a gesture like people do when they’re not sure what’s going down but want to mix it so the Milo isn’t frothed separate only on the top of the milk.

“Foodge, I’m a proud man to hear a big shot you are these days calling me Uncle Merv”. Tears had sprung into his eyes yet Merv wasn’t one to squander on sentiment at any bar. Maybe because it was the front bar at the Pig’s Arms where the real story was played out all those years before Foodge wasn’t a baby at all as expected, but arrived a full grown adult off the train. Not even the Sports Bar was ever off-limits to him.

Merv’s Granny’s brother built a playpen-style gate even to fence the Sports Bar off ready for the expected littl’un but so Foodge could see through the rungs of course when Emmjay decided to adopt the new baby, Foodge that is.

Foodge looked tearful. Turned out he got some Milo up his nose and sneezed. “Ahh,” he said, snuffling like he was always a new born and the very tip of his nose moist with a speck of Milo on it, “Merv, why’d Hon Shades have a packet of ball bearings?”

“Dunno” Merv said, staring in front of him into thin air. “Hon’s got lots goin’ on up top. Never know what extra hours she’s puttin’ in, cash in hand, there’s always somethin’. Hon’s an ace mechanic.”

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