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Author Archives: Therese Trouserzoff

The King and Aye

14 Thursday Aug 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Australian political exiles, Boat-people, Refugees

malaysia-deport-tandberg

Story by Emmjay

So, as the sun rises on another balmy day in the kingdom of Burmalia, the king and his advisers sit, crossed-legged, on the veranda of the west wing of the palace. The early morning sun warms the pandanus palms in the garden nearby and the dew wafts gently from the leaves and vanishes like the hint of a good idea.

They sip tea. No-one speaks. The air is taught with anticipation. The king stands and concentrates on the massive teak door in the garden wall. The latch turns and a slim and short man in the uniform of the palace guard steps inside, noiselessly closes the door, turns and walks towards the group on the verandah. He approaches with the purposeful but cautious gait of a man bearing difficult news. Not bad news, but news likely to cause the king some concern.

He arrives at the steps, stops and bows deeply. Waits.

“Brandis” says the king, acknowledging him and inviting him to speak his news. The group are all standing now, silent.

“Majesty”, he replies “the honourable minister for the navy sends his greetings and wishes to inform you that another boat carrying Australian politicians is approaching our shore. He respectfully asks for your instructions”.

“Thank you, Brandis” says the king. “Please take tea with us for the moment while we confer. Gentlemen, be seated”.

“Be so kind as to call the minister for foreign affairs, please Mr Hoo-key” says the king.

“How many boats this time, Brandis?” asks the king.

“One, Majesty”.

“One” replies the king, unworried.

“How many refugee politicians ?”

“One hundred and seventy-two, majesty” says Brandis.

“I see” says the king. “Not so many”.

“No, Majesty”.

“Women and children ?” says the king.

“No, Majesty” says Brandis.

The minister for foreign affairs enters and bows deeply.

“The Australian boat politicians, minister. What is making these people seek refuge in Burmalia ?”

“Your majesty, since the revolution began, working families in Australia have turned on their former political masters and many have fled or remain in hiding.”

“I see. Why are they so objectionable ?”

“Majesty, it is said that they have scant regard for the needs of ordinary people. The popular blogsphere says that they feather their own nests, cheat on their travel expenses, look after their friends to the exclusion of everyone else. Worse, it appears, Majesty, they tax the poor and the sick, remove funding from education and speak ill of their indigenous neighbours”.

“I have heard that they are warriors” says the king.

“It is true, Majesty, they seem to enjoy fighting in other people’s wars” says the minister for foreign affairs. “They regard themselves as deputies to the Americans” she adds.

“And the Americans ?” says the king.

“Could scarcely care less so long as Australia continues to provide safe investment and harbour for American military” adds the minister.

“No women or children on the boat ?” asks the king.

“No, Majesty, Australians do not take female politicians seriously. No children because Australian male politicians don’t take any women seriously” says the foreign minister.

“What is the feeling of the people of Burmailia”? asks the king.

“The people of Burmalia are sad that Australian politicians are so despised by their own people. We understand that Australian politicians are a very low caste, are overwhelmingly ignorant and uncaring neo-conservatives, no doubt”, says the minister of the interior.

“But we should show them the care and courtesy we give to all our citizens, Majesty. With your assent, Majesty, we will feed, house and clothe them first. Then we will ask our monks to attend to their spiritual education.”

“Let it be so” says the king. “I will offer them the opportunity to work with the lepers” he says, smiling. “They may feel that they are amongst friends”.

“Are we finished ?” asks the king, which is to say that “We are finished”.

“Shall we meditate on loving kindness ?” says the king, closing his eyes and feeling the warmth of the sun rising above the pandanus.

 

 

 

Chubby Girlz Butz Bar and the Taste of Memory

30 Wednesday Jul 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Big Butts, breast milk, lingerie

pumpkinbutt

 

 Story by an Ominous Anonymous Correspondent

One of the many gifts of being a flaneur is the encounter with the absurd, even surreal notions of what to do with a life.

On Broadway, on the way to the Apple Store is a rhymeless couplet of retail malapropisms second, possibly, to none. I mean, WHAT were they thinking when they rocked down to the Department of Fair (irony ?) Trading to register the names in their fertile imaginations ? Did they not notice a trace of wry smile on the faces of the signwriters who, if they were astute in matters of debt recovery would certainly have insisted on cash up front.  As opposed to expecting a lump sum in derriers.

Take a wild guess what Chubby Girlz Butz Bar sells. Let’s eliminate the usual connotations of the word “bar”. No, this esteemable establishment does not sell alcoholic beverages. That narrows it down a bit.

No, wait, “narrows” isn’t quite the right word. It’s a broader concept than that.

This emerging retail giant has an expectation that ladies with oversized rear ends are going to swallow their pride with the same alacrity as they swallow upsized fast food portions and sprint through the gaping maw of an establishment that insists on them admitting to the world that they have a fat arse.

More to the point, if that’s not another “not quite right” term, unlike what you might imagine, CGBB does not vend silk panties made from a quantity of silk reminiscent of a WWII parachute. Oh, no. They design to sell teeny weeny G-string numbers, which, when applied would disappear without the attachment of a colourful recovery device or maybe a bookmark. And perhaps that’s their marketing trump card. A CG with a BB and a poor memory might forget that she’s already put one on and could apply another, and another and another.

Is this not some kind of cruel joke ? Is this as non PC as one could get this side of a world trouble spot ?

But if such an unfortunate lady was to fall victim to their evil marketing ways, relief in the form of comfort food (both cause and effect here) is near to hand to mouth. Hard up to CGBB we have “The Taste of Memory”.

Now to save you more mental torment, I’ve thought this one through for you, tested a few theories and I can get us over the understanding line pretty smartly. Hold my hand. Here we go.

First, “memory” ….. word association ….. brain…… This eponymous retailer sells offal, probably lambs’ brains. Relieved to learn that they do not ? So was I.

Second, “Taste” ….. noooo, clearly an organisation committed to good taste would hardly cosy up to a Chubby Girl’s Butt – or at least not in public.

Third, (and I think we might be getting warm here), perhaps they sell food that reminds us of past happy times …. Childhood ?   Infancy ? Aha. So I think this shop must sell breast milk. THIS I have got to see.

“Do you need some assistance, sir ?”

“No thanks, I was just admiring your packaging”

 

Inebrious Bastard – Last Rites for Humanity

29 Tuesday Jul 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Uncategorized

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

Inebrious Bastard, Last Rites for Humanity, punk

 

The Castle: Episode 9 – Isobella and Suse

22 Tuesday Jul 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Sandshoe

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

Christina Binning Wilson

The Work

The Work

 

Story and Illustration by Sandshoe

Isobella appeared like a tall statue on the edge of the verandah. Suse, a romance figurine, stepped out through the shaded door of Isabella’s moon-and-candle lit room to meet her. The overhang of the roof made an acute angle at the verandah’s corner junction with this moon’s remarkable light.

“Beautiful, isn’t it,” Suse said. Suse had walked through from the living room especially looking for Isobella. She heard her homecoming step on the verandah.

Nobody was responsible for anything at the squat in one sense or perhaps for anybody. Anarchy did rule. Black assumed a role of manager when nothing else could be avoided. Someone had to manage crowds on weekends. The address might well have been advertised on billboards at every city intersection within walking distance. The Castle where townies go and out-of-townies in linen suits with silk neckties and women wore shantung. When addresses in the business district closed their doors. The Castle became playground. No electricity other than to boil a jug and little furniture.

“I’m not happy Ina is spending the nights in your room, Isobella. You have my dog.”

Suse was intent with resolve. Her tone was gently reproving of a fait accompli. Isobella’s gentleness was reciprocal and kind.

“I wondered if you knew. Not that she’s there now. Funny she never comes in until I’m in bed. I’ve never fed her. I would never feed anybody’s dog.”

“Yes.” Suse in the light falling on her face looked even more fragile than usual She had thrown a fine lace shawl around her shoulders. “I’ve been down to see where she was a couple of times.”

“Did you come down with a torch or could you see like tonight?”

No-one would hear Suse in her bare feet.

“I could hear her snoring.”

Isobella chuckled. “She does snore. That was how I first knew she was there. I snore,” she added, “It might have been me.”

“I know my dog’s snore. You don’t snore like she does.” Suse, gentle, scoffed. Her words slurred however. Her focus was spent.

“You know how I snore?”

“No. I know how my dog snores.” Suse emitted a snort that was a laugh. You went out? You look nice. Very dressed up.”

“Thank you. I treated myself to a dinner at The Front Page, I usually stay in. I dance. Drink coffee. Write poems.”

“Goodnight,” Suse said, “I’m tired. I was at work. It’s time for me to go to bed.”

“I”ll be up until the others get in tonight. The moon through the window on a night like tonight fills the room, doesn’t it.”

“That used to be my room. Possum talked me into giving it up for you. It’s good. I like upstairs. What will you do until then?”

“I’ll watch the branches of the oak tree. You know how lovely the view is then. The room was once Ina’s.”

Suse murmured. “No, she’s only lived upstairs. I didn’t have her. Goodnight.”

The Busker was the first in later that night. He put his head in through Isobella’s doorway. A tracery of prematurely grey hair glinted out of the dark of his form. The aged vest he always wore with denim was rough. His rough boots were prominent. “They’re not clean,” he said, “Sorry.” He showed one and the other. He stood his guitar on end against the door frame. “G’day”. Broad and grimacing, his smile and face emitted a chortle that was a visible attack onto the moonlight. More than ever, his eyes shone as if lit by inner demons. “Went to see my parents. Something different. I’ll tell you about it if you like.” He brayed a heehaw laugh.

Isobella had been a resident at The Castle now some time. She had never known or thought of The Busker having parents. The office, the stress of her own once work and its lifestyle seemed years distant, the world itself without telephones, television or radio.

“Have you brothers, sisters? Are you the oldest?”

He guffawed and brayed he would turn the hifi on in his room and return. “Tell you sometime. The others will be in soon.” He chortled, “Maybe the party’s in your room tonight. I’m tired of it in mine. I’ll still DJ. They don’t leave for hours. Can it be? I’ll bring some cushions in. Yuck. Yuck.”

Isobella agreed. She lit new candles when The Busker returned making his strange sounds and grinning. He added cushions to the slate floor and sprawled. The music was blaring through their adjoining wall. “BUSKER! Here you are! How the fuck are ya!” resounded among the cries of the other residents’ discovery coming in and searching to establish the night in bright moonlight that took charge. In no time the room was crammed with residents telling their stories. They made a caterwauling to be heard.

“Let me tell this one. BUSKER! SHUT UP!” screamed a crier.

The Busker grinned in the centre of the fracas. He was quiet this evening, observing, intermittently stroking his beard as he did with his two hands or making a braying noise. Party making was noise. Its crescendo built.

 

You Call THAT a Dick ?

21 Monday Jul 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Uncategorized

≈ 21 Comments

Tags

Abbott, AK-47, Downed Malaysian Jet, Putin, Russian Mid-range missile, Ukrain Terrorist Outrage

abbott-putin-2

Doggerel by Emmjay

There was shouting in the car park
And the word had got around that
The mad Syberian timberwolf was in the mood for a meal of hound.

He’’d been prowling round the back lot, hungry for a spat
And the local mongrel pit bull was certainly up for that.

It was true that our old Tony was fond of lashing out
And throwing muscly punches towards any left wing snout.
But the Mad Syberian timber wolf was also lean and mean
And liked to take his shirt off to show that he was keen.

He loped along the fence line, looking for his chance
He doubled back and forwards – an expectant rabid dance.

It is said that our old Tony was just trialthlete ham
And Vladimir, let’s make it clear, could scarcely give a damn.

So when Vlad’s team was caught out bad, a day we’ll not forget
When his Russian mid-range missile brought down Malaya’s hapless jet
Our good old team had come off bad; we’d lost dozens from our side
And it all came down to Tony to save some national pride.

So Tony to the plate stepped up and called the Vlad a dork
It was an act of provocation and not just casual chat
He said to Vlad that time had come to walk the fuckin’ talk
And Vlad was shocked to realise Tony had the balls for that.

In the back of the Pig’s Arms car park, Merv had organised a  ring
Of chalk spread in the gravel – it was just an impromptu thing
But good enough for pugs like them to do their crafty sting.

There was clearly spit and vitriol, two haters full of hate
Muscling up and puffing up with a ridiculous strutting gait
And Tony being cagey thought he’d send poncy Vlad to heaven
But hadn’t figured in Vlad’s corner, was an AK-47.

The night grew late, the moon had riz

At the drive-in, lovebirds was rootin’

And Tony learnt the hardest way
Not to fuck with Putin.

The Castle Episode 8 – The Crying

20 Sunday Jul 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Sandshoe

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

Christina Binning Wilson, The Castle

 

Marble Earth

Marble Earth

Story and illustration by ‘Shoe

For readers the story so far, link to The Castle: Episode 7 – Terence

https://pigsarms.com.au/2014/04/04/the-castle-episode-7-terence/

The phone rang. Isobella supposed it was Matthias so close on the alarm.  She found the telephone in the kitchen.  Matthias was at work.  Terence and The Busker had accepted an offer of a ride back into the city.  Quiet Jack was nowhere to be seen when Matthias left. Did Isobella have everything she needed?  On the couch again, Isobella slept.

He was standing there with a cardboard box.  In the box when she looked in was an apple wrapped in tissue paper.. Who was he?

Isobella woke and stood up off the couch in a startle. In the kitchen she peered out to see between the frame of a vertical canvas awning on the exterior of the kitchen window and the window’s frame. She glimpsed empty undeveloped land through the wire of a cyclone fence across a driveway. The kitchen was an alleyway from the living room. “Is anybody there ?” she called into a hallway of closed doors offset from where the kitchen met with an entrance hall.   She listened.  There was not a sound.  In the kitchen again she filled an electric kettle with water for coffee.

Sun she saw through a gap between window curtains in the living room was low in afternoon cloud to her left hand. Both ways she looked when she pulled open the drapes their full extent, a green lawn lay flat in front of her. Angled fence tops in view over a plain aluminium back yard fence made a maze of green and silver fence lines and washing lines. Roofing scattered with aerials scudded grey and silver as clouds rolled out their shadows across a new urban landscape.

Matthias said there was no coffee she remembered. When he loped in the back door, she was tense for coffee. He said he saw Hugh and Quiet Jack at the University at a lunch time rally. Hugh and Quiet Jack were lovers.

We meet people and they are strangers. People stay strangers and sometimes we are married to them. We uphold sacred text. We keep secrets.

She offered to help Matthias with chores. He would not be long he said. She watched him from the opened back door. The wind was fierce from the ocean. He pointed to show her direction Together they made a meal of rice and vegetables and sat cross legged on the floor to eat it and drink chamomile tea. She noted there was no television and no books or bookshelves. The house was new.

She told him her dream.

“Your dreams are the only things you have that are the truth,” Matthias said. He laid claim to an intense loneliness of being. He sat forward with his head bowed and his body curved into his hands. He began to sob.

“My father is in prison.”

“How long has he been there.” She imagined the grimy walls of Mt Eden prison and the heart of Auckland.

“He left our house one day. He never came home. He went with friends. They went to free our country. They were arrested when they stepped off the plane. What did he expect.”

Her heart thudded as she saw his face raised was contorted with grief. They half looked at each other then. He looked away.

“I have felt so much shame. I am so ashamed.”

“What are you ashamed of?”

“All those years at school and my father. In prison. I have to keep my mother and my sister safe. He taught me. He left us. I could never be the same as my friends. What could I tell them. I felt so ashamed.”

He fell backwards on the carpet in front of the fire. His two hands side by side made a cover over his face.

“Where is this?”

He told her and she knew she would never say.

“Why did your father think he would save the country?”

He sat up in an awkward movement that was a casting off from shame. He wrapped his two arms around one of his knees he propped up and bent his other lanky leg away from her under it. His shoulder length hair had curled in boyish locks as they dried from the evening’s early dewfall and, later, light rain outside.

“He was a soldier. He was an important man in his uniform. His friends thought the same way. They were all soldiers for their people. For us? I don’t think his heart was here. It stayed there surely. My father was brave. He was brave in a special way. In the War, when my father got separated from his battalion, he walked the mountains thinking he was walking to his battalion. He walked into Italy. Where he was hidden from the Fascists was a farm house. The people were hiding their daughter. She fell very ill. He was hidden with her. Mussolini’s soldiers came. They left. He fed the girl soup. She was dying.”

Isobella barely wiser about detail cried out as he cried again in half light gashing his face.

“What happened to the girl?” she cried out

“It is my mother. He went back for her after the war. My parents have a great love. We have between us in our family.”

She felt a great grief for him as he wept. She knew grief of all the emotions of harm and defence.

The telephone rang. Matthias started. His tears went. He wiped his face with the back of a hand as he unfolded himself and rose to his feet. His tone of voice was sardonic.

“This will be the owners. They said they would ring me late one night.”

She listened to Matthias walk across the carpet, the length of the kitchen aisleway and the telephone stop ringing in the kitchen. She heard a singing noise like a cry.

Isobella stood up from the floor quickly and walked to the kitchen entrance from the living room to see if Matthias was harmed. He leaned in stark profile against the door frame at the other end of the kitchen’s alley where the phone was on its bench and caressed the mouthpiece in his two hands. His voice in contrast to the first sound he had made in answer to this intrusion was level and reasoned. At his feet a jostle of fowl shocked her imagination as she saw a young and strikingly handsome man in a Mediterranean farm house where she had never been far from this new house and housing estate so new and so new to her. Two more fowl stepped through the kitchen entrance onto the large white outlay of contemporary kitchen tiles towards the brood at the young man’s ankles.

‘Alright, I will see you there.” Matthias concluded his conservation. He put the phone down. His body looked a burden as he turned and walked towards Isobella.

“My father is home,” he said staring at her as he walked. They stood close in the frame of the door where she had stood motionless.

“What do you mean?” she asked, “He has been released? He will come home?”

“He is here. He walked in the house a half an hour ago. My mother rang to not shock me. She put him on.” Matthias looked around as if searching for the identity of an object he didn’t know was missed. Isobella kept her eyes on his face and his returned fixed on hers.

“You have to go then, “ she said.

“Have to. I have to go straight there.”

“Go,” she said, “I can find my way home by early public transport in the morning if you will leave me here. I feel a great deal better. Refreshed.”

“I don’t know where that is.”

“What? The bus? I will find a bus. There will be one.”

He looked at her closely and a cloud of resentment rolled abruptly across his mood. “Typical. That is so typical of him,” he said and turned away. “He turns up. Without telling us. He could have rung.”

In her office the first person the next day was Dinia, her closest colleague. He stopped her with a turn of his small and elegant frame. He shimmered with light reflections from sunshine off the internal glass walls that made their office partitions.

“Are you in love? So early today too. This is none of my business. What has happened?”

In the chaos of this bloody market place they had grown respectful of each other. Such respect was not everyone’s in this place. The lives of people they had themselves known would be lost and some measure of their own. They shared the thought in an agreeable moment. They both knew war.

“No,” she said, affectionate for him. “I’m not in love. I have been a witness, Dinia, to great love. Experience I could never imagine. I witnessed the unexpected return to his family of a prisoner out of imprisonment.”

“Who?” he said.

“I can’t say. I will never say. Not here. From outside the country.”

Dinia smiled at her. She saw his beautiful charm was intact and kindness that was its strength. “Pity,” he said, “What a story you have. I have no doubt you experienced the world itself. I can see. So nice to see you back. I missed you.”

“I truly haven’t given anyone a further thought beyond calling to say I was not well. I am very happy to see you now I’m back. No-one seemed to be here to let me in to the office the other night as I expected by the way. ”

“I wonder how long in these circumstances will we last here. How long can it hold.” Dinia smiled. “There’s another boat going in, anyway. Business as usual today,”

Hamilton County Bluegrass Band

19 Saturday Jul 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Uncategorized

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Hamilton County Bluegrass Band, Kersbrook Cottage, Orange Blossom Special

1972

 

2008

Vivienne’s Chowder

18 Friday Jul 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Vivienne

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

Aussie Prawns, calamari, Tasmanian Scallops, Vivienne's Chowder

viviennes chowder

Recipe and Photograph by Vivienne

This soup, or chowder, has had rave reviews from my family so clearly it is as good as I say. It’s magnificent.   Please do not try to substitute any of the ingredients because I can’t possibly guarantee the flavour, the yummy scale or the look.

 Ingredients

  • 60 g butter
  • 1 big or two small rashers of bacon
  • half a large or one whole leek
  • 1 carrot
  • 1 celery stalk
  • 1 large potato
  • 3 dessert spoons of wholemeal plain flour
  • 5 cups of stock made with Massel Vegetable powder (about 5 teaspoons altogether)
  • 16 – 20 Tasmanian scallops (they’re fresh and available now)
  • 300g of raw prawns (Aussie)
  • 1 whole prepared fresh calamari/squid
  • 150-200 g cream
  • parsley and chives
  • salt and pepper

Finely chop all the vegies and the bacon.

Using large Le Creuset pan/pot – melt the butter and fry bacon over low heat (cook it, don’t crisp it) and then remove and set aside.

Into the butter add all the vegies and cook over medium heat stirring all the while for about 5 minutes until they are softened.

Add the flour and cook for a minute then gradually add the warm stock. Cook and stir for a further 5 or so minutes until it boils and thickens, then simmer for another 10 minutes giving it a bit of a stir. Then whiz gig it until relatively smooth.

Leave scallops whole, cut prawns into 3 or four pieces and thinly slice the squid (and cut into 2-3 cm lengths). Add all the seafood and the prepared bacon to the pan and keep on low simmer until seafood is cooked.

Now taste for seasoning. It didn’t need much salt. Add the finely chopped chives and parsley (about tablespoon) and stir in the cream.

Serve with a sprinkle of parsley/chives for garnish and some sour dough bread rolls.

Kevin Borich, Little Red Rooster

17 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Karl Willebrandt, Kevin Borish

Featuring Karl Willebrandt on Bass

Shaolin Ping Pong

16 Wednesday Jul 2014

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

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