Psalm 32:1-2,6-7
“You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.”
Pig’s Psalm 32………………….. A Prelude to Lent
02 Monday Mar 2020
Posted in Pig Psalms
Category Archives: Pig Psalms
Rabbi Sharon Brous – Reformation and Reclamation
25 Sunday Dec 2016
Posted in Pig Psalms
Pig’s Psalm 19 – How God Speaks to Us …. and We Respond
23 Friday Dec 2011
Posted in Emmjay, Pig Psalms
Tags
It is said in the “Glass Canoe” (David Ireland’s 1980s Miles Franklin Award Winner) that beer is the “great golden god that has no voice and must speak through us”.
Three cheers for our host, Merv, from piglets one and all
We know that you are big and brave and muscular and tall
We know you will protect us when the Euro takes the fall
And super funds go guts up and leave us old with bugger-all.
When we’ve been speaking for the great gold God
And had too much to say,
Staring up from the tiles in the Mondrian loo,
Your majesty holds great sway.
But we all know not to fear you for you’re not the malevolent kind
Of leader some folk worship (that we pity but don’t mind)
We’re glad to stand beside our host
And drink to all, our Christmas toast
And raise with hope our future clear
For something far far better next year.
So kipping down, our stockings red
Are hanging on the end of the bed
And mine, I’m wondering, but hoping of course
How it could contain a thoroughbred horse
Or even if (and it’s a big if)
Perchance arrives a Zephyr diff.
Pig’s Psalm 20 – On Saturday Arvo They Rested
30 Friday Sep 2011
Posted in Emmjay, Pig Psalms
Tags
Blessed be the tireless workers, Our Merv,
For they shall inherit the Long Weekend
At the end of the footy season and
Before the wasteland before the Cricket
And in the morning, it being sunny, the beach will beckon
But not the beach where the post-season footy tour goes.
Especially the losing teams.
Our Merv, grant everyone their wish for a great season.
Deny only the massed highway patrol their double demerit points.
And the virtuous supporters and the valiant players will walk with thee
Out of the change-room and into the sunny upland of the Sportsman’s Bar.
And restesth there for evermore, with bent elbow and laconic smiles.
Pig’s Psalm 18 The Pub is My Shelter
24 Wednesday Aug 2011
Posted in Pig Psalms
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I love you, our pink slice of heaven.
I’m loving you all through and through.
From your chromium-legged laminex tables
To the Mondrian Brothers’ tiled loo.
I love your pub ceiling yellow
And the tiles that bedeck all your walls
The nourishing pub food sustains me
And the beer puts fat hairs on my balls
I love all the patrons who attend thee
I’m loving our dear Mervyn too
Say hello to the beautiful Janet
Say hello to the Hell’s Angles crew.
And the bands that rock all our socks off
In the Nathan Rees Memorial Ballroom upstairs
I’m fond of the Hedge in the carpark
And the deals done when nobody cares.
I like all the Cooks River Fishies
And most of the Sea Scouts, don’t you ?
And the always-rigged Friday raffle meat tray
Lady bowlers who hang out there too.
Let’s give thanks for our
Wonderful Pig’s Arms
And Bless all who go for the view
The writers and painters and poets
The clowns and philosophers too.
So we can all come and raise up our glasses
Drink a toast to the great Trotter’s Ale
Drink a toast to the friendliest piglets
Drink a toast to the curl in the tail.
Pig Psalm 17: Your balm is oinkment to mine eye
23 Thursday Jun 2011
Posted in Emmjay, Pig Psalms
Hear us, Oh Merv.
When Hedgie comes into your garden,
Smote him not because he meaneths no harm.
Take him unto your bosom and give to him the
Bailey’s of human kindness.
On ice.
For unto Hedgie a great burden has been visited.
He is a compulsive trimmer of the bush,
And he knoweth not the restraint.
After all, our Merv,
The difference between a seriously rogered hedge and a decorative border
Is about two weeks.
So long as Glenda and the girls at the Pig’s Legs Waxing and Beauty Salon
Receiveth not any crazy ideas of a similar ilk,
Fear not.
Your sideburns are safe in the trusted hands of herself.
And ever shall you enjoy tonsorial delight.
And the patrons de la palais de porc saw that Merv was happy
And the Bailey’s of human kindness flowed.
On ice, as it is in Antarctica
(And the backstreets of Kings Cross).
A Pig Psalm of Dave*
14 Saturday May 2011
Posted in Pig Psalms, Sandshoe
Tags
An Apologia after the Psalm 141
Oink for Deliverance from the Wicked
by Sandshoe.
Dinkum, mate, I have to ask; get a wriggle on; (reprise) it’s as if he’s deaf, believe me.
I’m not just a bad smell; my uplifted hands an evening sacrifice; (reprise) many’s the pink drink I’ve raised pissed iss all lies!
Muzzle me, mate; I’m the fat lady who sings.
You allowed my thoughts incline to pies, yield to any sign; the McDonalds’ even where I thrice once bought an apple pie.
Yeah, over the back fence where I lived in Melbourne, next to Balwyn’s library; (reprise) yeah, that opposite that 24-hour superette.
I pledge I’ll not dine again on Maccas as long as I exercise free will; (reprise) Old McDonald’d be spittin’ chips if he knew what they did to his song.
Strike me pink; that is a given; let them tick me off; o, so pouring oil on a lit wick.
All this I shall not refuse, yet donkeys bray despite their trials.
When the fast foods oleaginous are overthrown, all will hear my brayers and laugh along.
All will cook by the Pigs Arm’s cooks’ book; o, readers, send your recipes in.
As when a bull looks at a butcher, so their choice cuts will be strewn at the mouth of Sheol; (aside) o, typo in the name of Shoe, oops.
You need be on your best, matey, cobber; this pub is my local; please, please don’t eat the daisies; (reprise) please.
I’m not paranoid, but seriously I’m thinking Security.
Let each be hoist on their own petard, while I run all the way home whee whee whee.
*disclaimer: not piglet Dave a.k.a. Astyages, troubadour to the Pig’s Arms.
Recessional Redux
22 Friday Apr 2011
Posted in Pig Psalms, Warrigal Mirriyuula
Pictures by Warrigal Mirriyuula
Merve is a proud sponsor of Glenda’s rapid deployment Emergency Makeover Team. Where ever trouble strikes Glenda and her team of expertly trained girls can swing into action and before you know it, Ladies within the evacuation zone can be primped, preened, pampered and presented anew as Princesses and Queens of the devastation.
This weeks special “Fusion Tips”!
Yes girls, hair looking a bit bedraggled after a few months in the Evac Camp? Well don’t worry, Glenda’s new patented “Fusion Tips”, now with extra Caesium for that natural glow, will having you feeling completely ionised in no time at all.
Recessional Redux by Warrigal Mirriyuula
Merve of our hotel, known of old—
Lord of the beer which tastes so fine.
Within whose red brick walls he holds
Dominion over spirit and wine,
Publican host, be with us yet,
Same again mate , lest we forget!
The tumult and the shouting dies
The roadcrew and the bands depart
Still stands Merve with broom in hand,
He sweeps and mumbles, lets go a fart.
Publican host, be with us yet,
Same again mate, lest we forget!
Home called, the punters melt away
The doors are locked, the “useful” paid
And all the beer is pissed away
To empty bladders for another day.
Licensing Sergeant, spare us yet,
Same again mate, lest we forget!
If, drunk with too much Trotters, we loose
Wild tongues that have not Merve in awe
Such bruisings as will turn to puce
Our arses, he’ll kick and say no more.
Publican host, be with us yet,
Same again mate, lest we forget!
Poor battered souls that put their trust
In reeking loo and threadbare carpet
Will all be dust that builds on dust,
So “Staffies” for all Granny, there’s a poppet.
For frantic boasts and foolish words,
Are the staples of life for dear old Merve.
A Prayer for the Pigs’ Arms: The Landlord’s Prayer
14 Thursday Apr 2011
Posted in Pig Psalms
By Astyages
I did promise a little entry in the Pigs’ Psalms competition, didn’t I? This is actually more of a prayer than a psalm, but since a psalm is just a prayer that is sung, and since I suppose this could quite easily be sung, and since in any case I’m more impressed with content than form, I shall, without further ado, get straight to the point, without any beating around the bushes or any further preamble like some long-winded polly or other, here it is:
The Landlord’s Prayer:
Our Landlord, which art in ‘t pub,
Merv be thy name.
Thy License come;
Or thou wilt be done
On earth, as it is
In Holden Hill magistrates’ court.
Give us this day our daily wedgies,
And forgive us our overdue bartabs
As we forgive you for your flat ale
And watered-down whiskey
Lead us not into the temptation of visiting Glenda’s House of Pain,
But deliver us from every evil,
For thine is the Leasehold,
The power and the glory,
Forever and ever,
Amen
By T2
😉
Pig’s Psalm 16: No News is Good News
12 Tuesday Apr 2011
Posted in Emmjay, Pig Psalms
Tags
PA's 1976 Captain Fantastic Pinball Machine
Keep us all safe, our Merv
And protect us from Chris Uhlmann’s barbs and pointed arrows
And wife-beater questions
Weary we are of his constant harping attacks and always negative whining about the goverment didn’t do this or failed to do that or hashed up whatever.
Sick to the navel or the Head of Defence Forces we are of him and his ABC harpies.
Release Emmjay from his prison hell in wardrobe
Turn off the pub TV
And let in a little light
And the patrons looked upon the Pig’s Arms LCD
And they saw that it was blank
It was good
It was Better than good.
It was excellent
And Merv sayeth until the multitude
I shall forswear the A of B and C
all the days of Viv and Ian’s childhood
And groweth-up they in a Pub with No Fear
For it’s lonesome away from no NEWS you can hear
By the pool table at night where the dart board’s quite near
And the News and 7:30
Will ne’er here reappear
For all the days I will walk
behind the bar you’ll recall
I will stroll straight and tall.
By the flickering light
of the Bally pinball.
There endeth the middy and the lassoo.
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 