08 Saturday Jan 2011
Posted in Lehan Winifred Ramsay, Pig Psalms
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By Lehan Winifred Ramsay
Their throat is an open bottle: they dealt decisively with their tinnies: serve them, O Merv.
Let them fall from their stools: according to the multitude of their excess cast them out: before they have provoked thee, O Merv.
08 Saturday Jan 2011
Posted in Big M, Pig Psalms
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Icon by Lehan Winifred Ramsay
By Big M
Merv is my Publican,
I shall not want.
He pulleth me Bitter,
He restores my palate
He leadeth me to the Gents,
He restores my intoxication.
He makes me lie down,
In gutters grey.
Though, I may stagger home through the streets of Lewisham,
I fear no poofter bashing,
O’Hoo and Foodge, they comfort me.
Granny prepares a table before me,
Wedges, beans ‘n’ cackle berries.
She anoints me sausage roll with sauce.
My glass canoe overflows.
Surely Trotter’s Best shall fill me,
All the days of my life.
I shall drink in the Pigs Arms, forever.
Amen.
07 Friday Jan 2011
Posted in Pig Psalms
January 7, 2011 by gerard oosterman
Dare the weary traveller
Still walk on seeping sands
Those shells still echoes and haunt oceans
Driftwood like remnants of life
The wind still giving howls
The leaves melt into moss
Mountains’ silent glaciers
But witness to decline
Dogs remain to bark
Noontide follow mornings
Spiders spin and weave their webs
Glistening morning dew, so magic
Forever last the setting sun
On yellow gum and rocks of gold
But will the weary traveller
Still walk on seeping sands?
07 Friday Jan 2011
Posted in Pig Psalms, Sandshoe
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Municipal chaos
By Sandshoe
Whoever rents the Pig’s Arms wedding suite (Chant; Top Dollar!)
will find the flaws in the paintwork (Chant; Zeus!)
I say to you Boss “He is no painter, Foodge
in whom you trusted.” (Chant; my Oath!)
Boss, he is a private dick (Chant; Gumshoe!!)
You surely knew (Chant; Boss!)
from the fowl house perches (Chant; Most High!)
and even to the piggery
he will lay no ground sheets as covers.
You’d think he’d learn under threat of death (Chant; Tar and Feathers!)
his splashes spoil car parks and entrances.
You will fear the Painter of the Night,
as he works as dick by day (Chant; Tar and Feathers!)
the pest will paint by night in darkness;
anyway still expect lunch at midday.
A thousand bucks likely dwindle,
ten thousand no worries [fade Pig-tel jingle!]
but he will splotch the Jag. (Chant; Not the Jag!)
Boss, you will see the results (Chant; Expletive Deleted!)
Then know the punishment has no end.
Say “Shoe Decorators and Painters,
make most too of this my pub’s verandahs (Chant; Most High!)
No harm in a fresh coat
On them; suspend a tent Indian style1
For the Kama Sutras when they visit the Pigs
to toss their knots and kick their heels up.”
They do strange things with turmeric.
They will be easy
and glad when Foodge evacuates the wedding suite.
You walk a thin line like the lion on the cobra.
You risk he treads in paint dollops and the tray.
No point your saying he loves you and rescue him
from drips and clean him with turps and water in spots.
Shoe Decorators and Painters (Call 6-double-6!).
Test not he can’t be that bad and
Gez will deliver the paint by bicycle?
It’s a long trip from the tip; it
will take forever, Boss
between the hot Milos and the slop (Chant; Strewth!)
Apologies to Psalm 91: Psalm 91 (New International Version, ©2010).
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+91&version=NIV
04 Tuesday Jan 2011
Posted in Emmjay, Pig Psalms
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Merv – upon returning to the carpark and finding that some prat has keyed his beloved Jag.
.... before the incident ....
Bugger ME !
How many are my foes who with keychain fob
Come forth and scratch my trusted ride
And steal they next, my loved bride ?
But you, our Vinh Ordinaire Rouge
And Jail too, I beseech to remove your
Bronzed arses from the beach and go forth.
Smote these scoundrels and break their teeth
Wield with displeasure the justice sword
And the open bar tab shall be your reward.
03 Monday Jan 2011
Posted in Emmjay, Pig Psalms, Pig-Tel Products
Tags
Manne found a great use for recycled PCs – the Pig-Tel USB Brewmaster
Why do the multinational beer megacorps
Gather together and conspire against the boutique brewer ?
Their pathetic efforts shall be in vain and the Aleful Trotter
Shall rule over the public bar and the sportsmen’s bar and the bottle shop shall overflow.
Yeah man, I sayeth unto all who frequent the ladies lounge and the Nathan Rees Memorial Ballroom
That the pink drinks are on us.
For I am the publican
And you are the patrons de porc
And Crispin Bacon shall rule over the car park with a rod of irony.
Therefore you captains of corporate turps
I say unto you “Serve Trotters and you shall be served”
Fear not and celebrate the coming of the quality brew
For the yeast is mine and
The yeast will do all the uprising that’s kneeded.
Blessed be those who take a jar in the house of the Pig’s Arms.
31 Friday Dec 2010
Posted in Emmjay, Pig Psalms
Tags
Great is the publican who does not walk in step with those who watereth-down their fine ales.
And he who taketh not his patrons for granted by
Recycling slops from the drip trays or
Leaving pipe flushings in the first few pours
Praise be to the publican who delights in a clean urinal
Like the Friday raffle may he prosper.
Wicked publicans who short change pink drinkers are like the losing TAB tickets fluttering across the car park.
They will not stand in the bistro queue or go around the back for a quick fag in the beer garden.
Thus spaketh the Editor of Beer Weekly.
30 Thursday Dec 2010
Posted in Astyages, Pig Psalms
By Astyages
I’ve finally managed to squeeze out a few words in a more-or-less twelve-barre-ish sorta pattern, with a vaguely christmassish sorta feel to ’em for the christmas palms/blues competition, of which we have, I think, approximately three entries… this being the third! So if anyone else would like to contribute an entry to this competition, you still have until Dec 31st, or until such a time as I can find a volunteer non-entrant to be judge Judy and executioner…
In the meantime, here’s my own entry:
“Even Santa Gets the Blues”
It’s christmas eve already and Santa’s got the blues
‘Cause Rudolph’s out on strike for a new set of reindeer shoes.
The elves came out in sympathy; and all his other helpers too;
And the cherry on the top: Mrs Santa has the ‘flu!
Chorus:
Yes it’s christmas in the North Pole; make sure you’ve paid your dues…
Yes it’s christmas in the North Pole, and Santa has the blues
The reindeer all came out on strike; their shoes were all worn through;
But in the yellow pages all Santa found was, “Cobblers to you!”
Mrs Santa’s taken to her bed, so Santa’s had no tea,
And all those kids still want their prezzies delivered all for free!
Chorus:
Yes it’s christmas in the North Pole
Make sure you’ve paid your dues;
‘Cause it’s christmas at the North Pole
And even Santa gets the blues…
I had intended to put music to it but am refraining from doing so due to the limits of time and talent… Happy Dionysia everyone!
Asty
🙂
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 