It is said in the “Glass Canoe” (David Ireland’s 1980s Miles Franklin Award Winner) that beer is the “great golden god that has no voice and must speak through us”.

Three cheers for our host, Merv, from piglets one and all
We know that you are big and brave and muscular and tall
We know you will protect us when the Euro takes the fall
And super funds go guts up and leave us old with bugger-all.

When we’ve been speaking for the great gold God
And had too much to say,
Staring up from the tiles in the Mondrian loo,
Your majesty holds great sway.

But we all know not to fear you for you’re not the malevolent kind
Of leader some folk worship (that we pity but don’t mind)
We’re glad to stand beside our host
And drink to all, our Christmas toast
And raise with hope our future clear
For something far far better next year.

So kipping down, our stockings red
Are hanging on the end of the bed
And mine, I’m wondering, but hoping of course
How it could contain a thoroughbred horse
Or even if (and it’s a big if)
Perchance arrives a Zephyr diff.