Ducati 900SS
The Mighty Ducati 900ss
If there’s something more captivating than cuddling up to a quietly ticking Ducati 900SS on a coldish night in the Brindabellas and disappearing a flask of that fine product from Bundaberg (not the molasses, Merv, the distilled afterthought), then I’m yet to discover it.
Bike touring on a big twin is something delightful and an adventure that I can heartily recommend to readers, non-readers – and would be readers – of that old Robert M Pirsig classic “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”. As Mr P says, it gives one the opportunity to travel in the landscape, as opposed to seeing it flash past in the climate controlled six-speaker sound system four wheeled tin cocoon.
In summer one can savour the searing blast of a run across the Hay Plains at a fair clip in an open-face helmet and strain the occasional hopper through the moustache in a headlong rush to the next schooner of life saving chilled foamy liquid – carefully balancing a couple of hundred kilos of fine Italian metalwork, exquisite engineering and completely unpredictable electrics with the need to stay under the legal limit but be relaxed and wet enough to slip through the drought.
The point is to ride a machine that has a fair chance of allowing you to kill or main yourself, and an equal chance of not starting in the first place – leaving you to watch people you used to think were your mates disappear in a haze of smoke and raucous laughter down your street on only their back wheels, leaving you to fulfil the role of designated gooseberry – whose job it is to call Emergency Services when only Tommos Blue Heeler returns on Sunday night.
Unless you ride a classic bike, you miss out on the adrenalin rush associated with listening through the roar of bevel drive camshafts and mechanically-closed valves for those tiny telltale sounds that suggest a bearing is on the way out at 6,000 revs and you will be tasting the tarmac before you get to Bulahdelah. Go ahead. Nobody is going to notice you watching the temperature gauge and getting ready to go for the clutch.
Riding a big old bike and maybe sailing to Hobart are the last two ways you can scare yourself shirtless and experience the thrills and let’s face it pure terror of getting from Time to Timbuktu.
So how come it is those two dilettante fairies on SBS – Ewan Macgregor and Charlie Boorman can turn a major event like riding from John O’Groats to Capetown into the biggest and most boring festival of todger bothering on the small screen ?
Did you catch any of that tripe ? I watched just the first episode and saw them struggle mightily with really fascinating things like getting a visa for their Yank friend to go through Libya. Next time I’m going to ride through Libya, I’m going to enlist a couple of drop dead gorgeous ladies native to that turf to help ease my application through their customs formalities. Yeah, right.
That, and Charlie’s dear wife being hospitalised just before kick off with some semi-fatal chest infection (in true scout fashion the old trout insisted that he go and she promised to pull through and cough a few encouraging bon mots down the sat line). Give me strength.
From Chuck and Ew, I learnt quite a lot about international long distance bike travel. Apparently these last thirty years, I’ve been doing it all wrong. Instead of freezing crossing from Strachan to Hobart and getting snowed on in February (saved only by an open fire, a steak, a kilo of chocolate and several rums at the Derwent Bridge pub), I was supposed to be rescued by my backup crew and take a warm bath in the mobile home that was supposed to be following us a few dozen metres behind,
Just in case, you understand.
In case some of the extras from the remake of Deliverance wanted to get us to interact with the local gene pool – like it or not. Sorry, I’m hopeless at doing pig impressions.
I think I need a few million dollars worth of film crew, support vehicles, the finest touring machines, a spare parts catalogue larger than California, several managers, my personal field surgeon, masseuse and a charismatic mate just like Charlie with eyes like two piss-holes in the snow. The advantage is that nobody could tell that Charlie has just ridden non-stop through the deserts of Sudan (Go Ian Drury ! – I always wanted to squeeze him into a piece.) because Charlie always looks like that. The purlieu of the mega wealthy – ultimate scruff – and the ability to hire someone far less attractive than oneself as a sidekick. That’s IT ! I have gone through life totally without a Charlie-esque sidekick ! Although Merv would argue that I AM a Charlie-esque sidekick – or he might have said dropkick. I’m not sure.
Through Ewan and Charlie’s august travel doco I also learnt how to cultivate a look somewhere between puzzled incomprehension and stifled frustration – possibly caused by having dental work inferior to my handsome, unfazed movie star colleague. Or possibly because I have no actual idea what’s going on now, or what’s going to happen next – neither of which do I care to donate ordure over which of whatever. Of.
Hang on. Can you wait on a bit ? I’m practising diagnosing a mechanical problem by staring blankly at the silent engine cases and getting ready for my jovial and patronising exchanges with local tribesmen. This one insists on giving me his spear ……..a fair trade for a travel doco this bad……
Emmjay
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
A female off-spring is thinking about getting one of the horrid things. 😦
Nothing personal, this is a Mother’s perspective. The good news is that she is looking at a little Honda postie’s bike.
It seems that it’s effectively impossible for an inexperienced rider to insure a bike. She was quoted $1500 to get comprehensive insurance for a $2000 bike, plus a $1000 excess. In other words: Unless you can’t add up, don’t insure it.
I have pointed out that since insurance companies are in the business of making money and wouldn’t miss any opportunity, they are effectively saying that the chances of you writing off the bike totally are so high that its not worth the risk to them. And that’s not taking into account accidents that aren’t the rider’s fault.
She assures me she only intends to ride it locally and to buy European standard protective clothing. Wish we had Go Sport here. Although I used to have a bit of a laugh at the sporting gear in France (they sell specialised walking gear where I’d just wear a pair of shorts and a T-shirt), the big sports gear emporiums had a great selection, with everything rated and easy to understand labelling.
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Those little Honda postie bikes are probably more dangerous than Emms big Duke!!
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Do you mean because of lack of power? She’s mainly thinking of riding it locally to where she works part-time (a 45 minute walk) and to friends’ houses. If she then goes to ride it across the Bridge I’ll throw a fit. Big diff that would make of course.
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She is also quite small. Which will make it a lot harder to get decent protective gear especially at a reasonable price.
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Small, hard to see bike. Crappy lights (also hard to see).
Terrible handling, aweful brakes. Need I go on?
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Hmm. Not encouraging. I liked the reliability thing and the easy availability of spare parts due to large numbers. Not to mention the price. You have to remember that where she would be riding, the speed limit is mostly 50K and it’s all bitumen so I’m not sure how important handling is. But awful brakes sounds awful.
Is there an alternative in scooter type things?
I guess an alternative is an upgraded pushbike; lighter weight than her old one and with better gears. It’s quite hilly where she mostly wants to get around. Of course, they are not any bigger or easier to see than a postie bike and would not have better lighting. They have the advantage of being allowed on a bike track, but cycling on the local bike track at night, past beside the lonely oval with no road in view, and through the lonely little bush track, is not an option.
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Voice,
Things to consider:
How far is the most common ride ? Is travel time an issue ? Is the terrain a problem ? Is the road surface bad or is the traffic insane ? When does the travel take place ? What will happen if it’s rainy ?
I have to say that although scooters are far far better these days, I have never liked them – because they have very small wheels and scary handling and a decent rut or pothole can pitch the rider skyward.
If it was my daughter and she was determined to get motorised 2 wheel transport, I would suggest a 250 cc motorbike or maybe a 125 if she was tiny. I see a lot of girls riding bikes like these in the Inner West. Just about all modern Japanese and Korean bikes are reliable and parts are easily gotten for common models. These stop and go well and have some road presence. Regular maintenance is important.
I’d stay away from the models that look like race bikes and for a novice – all European exotica including bloody Vespa / Piaggio scooters.
Choice magazine often do comparison tests (look for novice rider / first bike tests) – and so do “Two Wheels” – the biggest selling Australian bike magazine. Same advice for gear.
While abrasion resistance is important in protective gear, serious injuries come from hitting something solid or getting run over. Then, virtually no gear is going to make much difference over any other gear, but a good helmet, well fitted is essential. After that, it’s luck and good judgement.
Test your daughter’s judgement out in traffic. Old bikies (like me or anyone who has survived this long) can sense that a person is going to do one of the killer moves like cutting you off by turning from the wrong lane, or changing lanes on top of you – just through a sixth sense that asks questions like “why is that old guy in a hat doing 52k in a 60 zone – and looking left and right – he’s lost !” I can predict the ethnic background and sex of a bad driver – and possibly the age – just by how a particular car moves in traffic. I deeply mistrust everyone who drives a Volvo. Those who value safety that much clearly drive unsafely – or cannot spot the things I spoke about above.
My Dad gave me the best bit of advice that’s helped keep me safe. He said “Never blast off the line at a green light because one day some bastard will be running the red in the cross road. And likewise – NEVER push shit up hill by running hard into an amber or near red – because some punk will be drag racing off the green. And stay off the turps when you ride.”
I’d add – be smart about when you ride. Dawn (tradies !! and killer white vans that are driven at a million miles an hour, are overloaded, have shit vision and no brakes. Take extra care at dusk (tired people coming home from work with iPods in their ears (NEVER, by the way, use these on a bike)), nights and places where pissed bastards are likely to be – even pedestrians – are great places to avoid.
Now go out there and have a whale of a time !
Jones, you are such a wanker – you sound like Will Hagon…….
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Some of the small scooters are quite good. More reliable motor with electric starter, lot’s of water-tight storage, disc brakes, etc.
I’m happy to ride a push bike around any where, at any time, but I wouldn’t let a little girl do that!
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Yes, I’m sure you could ride over or through any single attacker, Big M. She’d bounce off.
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Voice, has she ridden before ? Highly recommend a “Stay Upright” or similar course.
Those little postie bikes scare me since they have so little power and so little road presence there’s no ‘get out of the way’ grunt margin of error.
I gather that they have Kevlar-re-enforced jeans these days – as good as leather for abrasion resistance – and the better jackets go a lot further to protect the pine than was the case in my day.
AS much as I love bikes, I’m glad the Emmlets couldn’t care less – and opted for a shared Corolla with enough safety gear to get by.
You’re right about insurance. Not just writing it off – lots of bikes get stolen. Motto – if you can’t afford to lost it when you’re at that age, you can’t afford to own it. I’ve never insured any of my bikes (but the great road God has been kind to me) – but our cars are insured to the teeth.
Cheery note eh ?
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Theft only insurance costs $200. It’s definitely the crash risk, not the theft risk.
Yes, the lack of power is a double-edged sword. Knocks the temptation to travel seriously on the head, but no safety margin. However, road presence of a pushbike is no better.
I might mention the “Stay Upright.”
EU standard clothing is the only acceptable thing for me. It’s rated for number of seconds abrasion or part thereof it can withstand, and also tested for things like the stitching bursting apart on impact, rendering the gear useless.
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Eldest son rides. He wears about a $1000 worth of gear for a casual ride, or full leathers for a serious ride. As Emm says, clothing has to be Kevlar reinforced. Don’t scrimp on a good helmet. The Australian standard for helmets is very high, but you get what you pay for. My bikes only ever had third party property insurance, which used be quite cheap.
In NSW the Stay Upright course is a pre-requisite for one’s L, I think.
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A good friend tried to lend me the McGregor/Bore-Man DVDs, as, ‘you’ll love them, you used to ride a bike!’ No thanks, pair of wankers riding round the world with support crew. I’d rather dine in on scrotum sangers with a jus of my own pubic hair. Enough of the Masterchef allegories. Those old Dukes are just gorgeous. My problem is that I can’t even sit on one without my back pegging out, my peg backing out, and my balls going to sleep.
Good luck to you Emm. Can’t wait to see the DVD!
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Looks like a Suzuki 50cc step through to me 🙂 But then again….
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Did Suzuki ever make a 50 cc step-through?
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Yes, Gong mates and I used to ride one
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