Poll – Are polls useful?
24 Wednesday Nov 2010
Posted in Uncategorized
24 Wednesday Nov 2010
Posted in Uncategorized
23 Tuesday Nov 2010
Posted in Lehan Winifred Ramsay
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Story and Photograph by Lehan Winifred Ramsay
The giant poodle barrels into me head on, smashing my glasses into my face. I’m in pain, I can feel dripping down my face into my eye, and I’m sopping up blood with tissues waiting for the flow to subside. There is a two centimetre cut above my eye where my glasses have stuck into the flesh. I was about to take the dogs for a walk and the carpenter is next door preparing to work on my floor, so I go up to the corner and see him, tell him what has happened, ask if he doesn’t mind walking one of the dogs and I’ll leave the door open for him. The taxi company says it’ll be fifteen minutes, but when I say I’ve had an accident a taxi arrives almost immediately. I’ve dragged the garbage bag outside, even with the sting of my face I’m irritated that I won’t get the garbage out.
The taxi driver calls in to find out where the hospital is. It’s a public holiday and I was not aware of that, and I’m relieved to hear that all the things I had planned to do I couldn’t have done anyway. We drive off to the hospital, it’s really an orthopaedic clinic. The driver is preparing to drive off, but the cleaner at the door says they don’t open until 9, I can sit and wait. I don’t want to sit there until 9. I could just as well sit at home and finish the coffee on the table, smoke a cigarette. So the taxi driver takes me home again. It was an expensive way to find out which hospital I needed to go to, but at least I know now. It’s a hassle to find these things out.
I drive back to the hospital, walk in. But I’m still upset that the emergency list for hospitals has me arriving at one that isn’t open, and I’m unhappy. The gasp when I walk up to the counter in my shoes, having missed the signs, to go back and take them off and return to the counter and be told to go back and get the slippers. And then there’s a questionnaire on a clipboard, and then a fuss about my health care card, it’s expired and I haven’t noticed. You have to pay the full amount in cash they say, and I storm back to the door and put my shoes back on and shout at them that this is not the way to behave when this is an emergency patient! I go home and dig through drawers, find the envelope with the card in it, drive back to the hospital again. They were going by the book, they didn’t expect me to walk out, and they also didn’t expect me to return. This time they’re very efficient, I’m very efficient, they’re sorry and I’m sorry and we’re all apologetic in a professional kind of a way and completely synchronized in our determination to reach a satisfactory conclusion together. I get taped up, bandaged up, and we part on warm terms.
The taxi driver says that everyone calls an ambulance these days. The hospitals don’t pay a lot of attention to people who turn up in taxis. So people call ambulances, even for small things, and the ambulances are over-stretched and not coping. I don’t like the idea of taking an ambulance. I wouldn’t have gone at all except it’s my eye and I wouldn’t like to damage it. I’m bothered to be dragged into the medical system.
23 Tuesday Nov 2010
Posted in Gerard Oosterman
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The plight of adequate shelving inside homes is generally solved by buying shelving from shops. I will never understand architecture that supplies multitude toilets but no shelving. We, after our move from a place where the owner had installed so many shelving one could almost have sub-let to small Turkish families all the space taken up by it. Acres of book shelves!
After initially storing most of our books in milk crates, finally got some second hand antique bookshelves. Take the antique with a grain of salt, merely some dark stain applied to a light coloured background giving an aged look where perhaps only about thirty years might have passed. None the less, many books were hopefully shelved on those during its history and I have no reason to believe that only Car magazines or Playboys ever adorned those wooden surfaces. Here and there an attempt at patching the framework showed up, further proof that they had been used and that at least some time had passed. This is a great consolation and a good omen when buying book shelves.
After many hours by Helvi of unpacking the milk crates, many books now found a more substantial, and hopefully final resting place. The milk crates were also a remnant of past history when I used to roam the Inner West, at the crack of dawn, for milk crates when I was making home brew beer in the garage.
The space for books on those shelves was still somewhat scarce and we went for another hunt. This time we drove again to ‘Dirty Jane’ where we had secured the previous shelving.
I noticed a couple of boxes that had a ticket written and pinned to them, ‘bee boxes, and kauri pine’ and ‘dove tailed’, thirty dollars each. I suppose, the bees, not in their wildest dreams, could ever have thought that their homes would end up shelving books. There you have it though. No more honey just books.
22 Monday Nov 2010
Posted in Sandshoe
Corner walked down the hill to The Castle. Black was outside on the cement driveway entrance with the Balloonettes in the sun.
Corner wanted something.
Black was himself wondering what he should do about the day. He looked straight up at the sun.
“Oink,” Corner announced. Hardly customary. “Oink,” rejoindered Black and added an oink. “Oink!” To be fair. To be fair, Corner needed to be given a lot of field. He wouldn’t get it if Black was suddenly off the jokes. Like a lot of night club operators and day-time saloon frequenters, Black was good for the jokes. Corner was an isolate.
“Seen the other boys much?” This was Corner at his best. Corner was a drama queen short of a John Paul Young. Mind you he had one in the old vinyl record hold-all at his mother’s place. Love is in the Air. “Mind if we go in?” he enquired looking meaningfully at Black. They went to school together.
“Naah,” stretched Black and uncurled from where he had dropped into a half-crouch position with his arms resting lightly over his blue denim knees.
“Those jeans aren’t tight,” laughed Corner. Black growled and laughed an easy laugh. “You never can resist, Corner,” he said, stretched, scratched and yawned. “They’re spray-on these days. Left me short a week’s.” He followed Corner through the entrance to the house. The bare wooden boards without any treatment and no finish on their surface to make a conventional floor looked like a consignment of recycled and untreated timber. Freshly delivered and stacked dusty. The sound they gave off when walked over was a strangely comforting subdued tread. Evidence the plain room, empty other than for a couch, had begun with considered design. Love. Money. “Get on with it. You here because you’re a space or here because you want something to do. You can get these girls who live here some help. Dunno what you blokes do.” Black, lean and tense could look pretty well annoyed when he was useful and he flushed angry. It was all a game.
Corner saw the keg and acknowledged it by walking over to it and giving it a slap. ‘Nice to see you fellers are into the good stuff, eh?” Here was ritual. “Do y’want a taste,” scowled Black. “I’ll get you a glass. Spose y’re gonna tell me y’re on the day.”
“I’m on.”
A women’s voice, tired, slurred and floated in a whine from somewhere above them. “You black egg, don’ give arse sucker any of piss.”
Black ignored the directive. “C’mon,” and he got a glass off the bench that was covered in a towel and on it a batch of clean glasses from various hotels. “You don’t want one of these?”
He poured the glass full to its top and, extending his tongue out of his opened mouth, licked the rim in a seductive circle like a lover offering the first challenge of a new partner, never taking his eyes off Corner.
“Pffftt, not me, is the woman here?”
“Who and why? Dammit, don’t… .” Black was looking as if he would reach out and take hold of Corner like a wriggling piglet and carry him outside around the belly. Black never looked threatening to anybody other than his enemies.
Corner responded quickly and stepped backwards towards the door he had entered the premises through. “The woman with the Australian accent.”
Black was on the tips of his toes and moving almost like a cat when a cat scampers sideways in war play. His legs were stiffened in a manner he adopted to sustain his athletic balance and momentum in a challenge directly aimed at the man who had become, again, his adversary. “Why!” he demanded, startling, his face suffused with the characteristic black of the experience of his rage. “You don’t want to make any mistakes, Simon.”
Corner had exited the door and was on his way off the property. He was no equal to Black. He hesitated, eyeing the Balloonettes. The young women giggled. One was braiding another’s hair. The third painted their client’s fingernails on a hand extended at flat rest on a river rock. Where the women had moved to sit cross-legged by it on the ground. They had been able from there to witness something of what happened in the house when Corner and Black had gone inside.
“Come back here,” demanded Black. He was taking off his silver skull ring and sliding it with one hand flattened into the fob pocket of his jeans. Corner whirled. “Keep your hair on, Black” he managed to hiss in time as his opponent drew close enough to hit him, “She telephoned the Station she left that black leather coat in a phone booth.” Black pulled up sharp. He rested back at ease on the heels of his sneakers,
“Whaa, man? O, you’re a sleaze. Phone booth. Why didn’t you say so. She’ll be looking for that. Gee, that was stupid. Here. Give me your details so I can get her to ring you. Geez, you should say.”
“Don’t worry, Black, it was you I came to see. She knows where we are. You know she knows where we all are.” He smirked, cocky again. “That’s all, but tell her I came to see her.”
Black didn’t say anything. He was surrounded by the women and fussed to join them by the rock so he could braid the hairdresser’s hair. Corner swung the height of the drive. He had a distinctive lope.
“What would you be?” Siratha, the talented beauty artist now having her hair braided asked Black. She had sat as pretty as a picture on the rock and was still. “What would you be if you had not been… what you are?”
“When I went to Sydney I was running that brothel in a week, it was when I first realised what I wanted to really be. It doesn’t matter now. Give me the band. Here. Have mine. I never got around to it. Business. I was only 16. It doesn’t matter.”
Siratha stood and faced Black where the sun was a rivulet of sheening over the face of the bodice of her gown. Tiny metallic trinkets sewn by her into the fabric played at the sun. She lifted the hem of her skirt and extended it in a drape as a dancer would to make a curtsey. She bobbed. Straightened. “Say what would someone be if… they weren’t a bank robber,” she giggled in a rush of infectious laugh and stood closer in response to being waved by Black to him so he could tidy a strand of hair. “I will tell you as long as you don’t laugh,” he said, grave. He stepped back.
“I won’t laugh,” she giggled, and he frowned so she stopped.
“A florist. I would have liked to have been a florist. That seems to me to be a perfect, lovely way to make a living.” The pealing laughter of the three women as they scampered and rolled on the excavation dirt to collect it in their hair and rough house each other as they rolled caught an eventual echo that was returned them by their play. They lay entwined sharing the liberation of their philosophy and the warmth of the earth on their skin and in the dirt in their hair. Black had left to go to the shop.
Sandshoe
21/11/10
22 Monday Nov 2010
Posted in Gerard Oosterman
Mango Happy Hour on the Hume
While driving back from Sydney and just past Campbelltown (The ghost of Fisher) turn off, we kept noticing colourful signs with “Happy Mango Hour”. After another five kilometres or so the signs kept on appearing, stating, “3km happy Mango Hour”, “2km happy Mango Hour” till we arrived at a large parking spot with many semi trailers parked, as well as cars near another large truck. “Happy Mango Hour Here now,” heralded yet another sign on the truck.
We had arrived at the “happy Mango Hour.” The area is a popular truck stop over, also has drinking water and public toilet. The toilet was unisex but ‘naturellement sans pissoir,’ and as we all know, male toilet habits are less precise as that of females so Helvi quickly darted out, decided she could hang in till we arrived back in Bowral.
For Vivienne.
The truck with mangos was at the tail-end of trade, packing up with just a few cases of mangos left. We hit the Jackpot and were sold 22 glorious mangoes at twenty dollars. Two golden syrups, tall skinny boys were running the show, black and eagle eyed with large sharp noses. “Sri-Lankans we are;” after I asked where they came from. Turned out they drive each week-end from somewhere up north and then get this spot on the Hume, rightly guessing that way south, there would be keener mango lovers, perhaps with people as yet to come out of hibernation? An early touch of the tropics down south, as it were.
Clever blokes, savvy like anything, cheerful like buggery, cottoning on ‘happy hour,’ quick flash and making a bit of dough. Good on them
22 Monday Nov 2010
Posted in Mark
Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula
Hi, Sandy here. Yes you guessed it, I’m on a mission from Gordon, you known, Gordon O’Donnell, the creator of the universe. See Gordon and the Bish have sent me to Sumatra to investigate some island that decided to explode. I mean as if I know anything about exploding gas, well, Belinda might tell you different.
Luckily this time the Helvi-tastic has come with me as my body guard. Do I feel heartened? You would have to be zarking mad, listen to this,
“So Helvi, how’s life aboard the S.S. Julian II?” I ask given my disquietude for the crew had become worrisome.
“We are ready to fight, to kill and to die as martyrs” replies Helvi with her typical broad grin and than determined look that could kill at five metres. Scary stuff man.
“But Helvi who are we fighting?” I enquire with such rabid enthusiasm that watching cricket suddenly looks alluring. I go on “But Helvi, I think a volcano has erupted, who’s left to fight?” I plea.
“Sssssssssssssssaaannndddyyyyy, a warrior is always ready” replies Helvi in that voice that can scare the living shit out of anything. “I have both long range and hand held laser cannons, swords, star knifes, grenades and defence shields.” Does this woman come prepared or what?
So we land and are taken to the hardest hit region. There seems to be a lot of people running around, screaming and yelling “Watch out, Java is coming!” I mean what a time to have to update my computer, I hate it when this happens.
There is an army of folk and Red Cross volunteers trying to help people from zark knows where. I say to some bloke “Hey dude, where’s a good place to eat around here?” “Eat mate, what zarking planet have you been on?” he yells. “Well mate, I’ve been on lots of planets. This is Earth isn’t it? So where’s the zarking cricket mate?” I reply using my unctuous parish priest voice. “Cricket mate” the heavily armed bloke replies “We had to declare at 4 for 328 due to the zarking volcano, I’m personally shattered.” He’s opened up now. This is the real picture of living next to a live volcano. He continues “See I was on a fivefer[1], we had ‘em nailed, out guys would have got the runs easy.”
So guys there you have it. 328 runs on the board is a concern. The score defies the underlying principal of the universe being the average number of beans in a can of baked beans divided by the final score of a cricket innings. Some things in space just never cease to amaze me.
[1] Fiverfer – an amalgamation of the word five and for, indicating that a bowler has taken five wickets in an innings.]
21 Sunday Nov 2010
Posted in Bands at the Pig's Arms
Tags
Pic: Thanks to en.wikipedia.org
Now here’s a guy that played the guitar very well in a very different way.
Jeff’s story: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Healey
Video Clip
Doing a Beatles or Harrison tune. Okay just joking, all right.
Should add this mp3, it’s a heartbreaker.
05 – The Jeff Healey Band – Angel Eyes
20 Saturday Nov 2010
Posted in Bands at the Pig's Arms, Mark
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Hey. Hung here. A few weeks ago prior to my “sickness”, which lead to”hospital”, full of “nurses” and you know Hells Hospital is a true fictional account of hospitals and nurses I forgot, due to the stress of rubbing shoulders with Loreen, to post about the request for Seasick Steve.
Seasick Steve was born a poor black American and saved up and had the operation, just like Mikey. No I jest. Steve is an American guy you plays the blues on guitar however his niche is that he tunes he guitar differently to standard tunings. Steves story can be found here,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasick_Steve
The video clip,
The mp3 as it has a better sound quality,
The official site,
The t-shirt,
Hope you enjoy
19 Friday Nov 2010
Posted in Warrigal Mirriyuula
Scrooge McTurnbull
“When times are hard and political progress seems even more difficult than usual, Malcolm returns to his roots and seeks refuge in a visit to his money. Obeying the age old laws of plutocracy, he dons the uniform common to his class and enters his vault. After reverently whispering the ritual invocation, “The way to make money is when there is blood running in the streets”, he discards the traditional duck lips and topper to more closely inspect one of his finer nuggets.
“Mmmmm”, says Malcolm, ” I wonder if you can get a Bentley ute”
Warrigal
18 Thursday Nov 2010
Posted in Uncategorized

We had just settled to our first Zeffirellis coffee and a shared Danish, when we noticed a somewhat stroppy couple arguing about something or other. You know those couples that have had decades of ‘quality time’ time together and gone through thick and thin, hell for leather and with far too few infidelities to reminisce and look back on. In short, the sort of couple that was somewhat ragged for wear but still on a reasonable footing and with some good years ahead still.
“You would be so stingy”, I haven’t got a stitch to wear, just rags around my clapped out bones,” she stated with some vehemence and loud enough for others to hear. Was he being shamed into something, we wondered? He was old enough to have learnt that ” I haven’t got a stitch to wear” really translates and certainly heralds very clearly, “I am going shopping” and “no one can stop me.” No man worth his salt would suggest going to Bunning’s to buy chip board or more brackets for some shelving. There is a lot in ‘I haven’t got a stitch to wear,’ far more that Bunnings could ever possibly offer.
We finished our coffee and went around town for a stroll and who would we come across but the quarrelling couple in front of a shop called ‘Blue Illusions.’ Her chin was firmly set, jutting forward, and he had a look of total compliance. (Not unlike a recent photo I had just seen of that much younger Royal couple that are planning getting conjugalized in the UK.) The scene was one of those moments of couples facing the situation of give and take. He gave up on the quarrel and smiled as she took steps inside this Blue Illusion.