I’m sorry for lying about my height
I know adding three inches was simply not right
I’m sorry for saying that I was divorced
I’ll be signing the papers in due course
I’m sorry for pretending I was much younger
Posting all those old photos was a major blunder
I’m sorry I no longer have that much hair
But honestly most women don’t seem to care
And maybe I don’t exercise 5 days a week
I hardly would say I’m a big, fat freak
Still, I hate to imagine what you must think of me
Don’t you see my profile is what I would like to be?
All I did was try to be someone I knew
Who would stand a chance with a girl like you
Having said that, are you really just a social drinker
Who says “no way” to smoking and is a spiritual thinker?
Because I couldn’t help notice how you slammed down the booze
And slurred “get me another” as you kicked off your shoes
In retrospect it wasn’t the perfect first date
Kissing your feet at the bar was a big mistake
I’ve sure learned my lesson. It won’t happen again
Is there even a chance you could still be a friend?
From now on I will follow all the old dating courtesies
Oh, and I’m sorry about giving you genital herpes.