Eddie the Eagle – a good bad sportsman represented England in the Giant Whoosh – came last but lived to tell the tale, sorry, to sell the Ale.

Look at it this way; in a couple of weeks it’ll all be over for another four years.

I have nothing against elite athletes.  If a person wants to spend her every waking minutes swimming in unison with a bunch of other mad smiling people, far be it from me to trivialise it and say unkind things like “get a life” or “shave off that mo!”

No, seriously, the multi-media have gone wild, not so much about the triumphs of the athletes (ours and theirs) as they have about dropping HUGE buckets of sh1t on superb athletes who were supposed to win, but didn’t.

How embarrassing was it that our non-favoured girls won gold and pipped the Dutch and Seppos.  I mean, it’s such an affront that the Yanks will more than likely pull their marines out of the Northern Territory in protest.

And the American uber-fish Phelps.  What a nerve !  Not even a podium finish.  Cripes we’d better race out and buy Sportsbet shares on the strength of that.

Wasn’t it uncomfortable that Australians beat someone at table tennis and sailing women found they had accidentally eclipsed the Ruskis and the Spaniards – not surprising the latter, I guess since the Germans repossessed their wind.

Maybe the saddest thing of all was the British cyclists who not only didn’t win, but complained that the Aussies rode a spoiling race!  Well, yes, the Aussies didn’t win either and the fact that the Brits didn’t bother splitting from the peloton and chasing the lead group – who oddly failed to slow down to let them catch up and win, is surely bad sportsmanship and a real fucker for the sponsors of the British team.  Calls for Brad and Cav to “Go Home” were silenced when the normally astute and renowned sports nation of Great Britain remembered that their bikers were in fact already home, if not exactly hosed.

Aussie tennis stars didn’t.  Who beat them to a pulp ?  A Japanese chap and, er, I dunno, I don’t think it was mentioned who pulped Sam – just that she – incredibly – lost.

Did I mention the unbeatable Hockeyroos ? Or the Boomers ?  Lost.  Lost.  The greatest Australian shame; losing at any sport to any other national team. Unforgiveable.

Horsey types ?  Lame.  Lame.  But oddly looking good for silver at getting dressed or something stylish in the saddle.

And the boys’ 4 X 100 Dream Team.  Beaten by the French – of all people !  And the Seppos and The Tierra del Fuegans.  Oh, the shame, the unrelenting shame.

But the winning piece of bad sportsmanship surely goes to the media gurus who think it’s hilarious to bag out the oarsman from some desert-bound African claypan for being really crap at sculling – comparing him to their other loser-darlings “Eric the Eel” and “Eddie the Eagle” who are, one gathers notorious for their singular lack of skill in their chosen sport to represent their respective “non-sporting, just struggling to survive while western countries plunder our natural resources” countries.

And to cap off the emerging whingeing Olympics, let’s not forget the Chinese domination of the gold (and the bronze and the silver) medal tallies.  We all know that you can’t beat people three times your own size on a diet of boiled rice and fried crickets.  It’s steroids, surely, isn’t it ?  OK, for table tennis, it’s speed AND steroids.

So, keep your eyes peeled and your ears tuned to the commentary and report in your own favourite Gold medal excuse for getting beaten when the so called experts said it could never happen.

Let’s hope the Australian arrow shooters can stay on their feet, otherwise we’ll have to lament Australia’s fallen archers.

I know, it’s not over yet until we see another monster cheese-fest closing ceremony.

When I say “we”, I mean you, I’m out in the shed practising whingeing and saying disparaging things – I’m shooting for a fourth place in the turd-throwing at the 2016 Olympics.  My best effort so far goes along the lines of “No, losing is character-building and I’m sure that <insert Australian athlete or team here> will come back from this stronger than ever” (unlike the foreign devil winners, whose stories will encase tomorrow’s fish and chips before they fade from the annals of history because , well, they never carried the green and gold, did they ?)

Or thankfully a microphone, TV camera, smart phone or laptop.