In which Viv takes on the vicissitudes of the retail finance industry
Five years ago I wanted to transfer a large sum of money to my daughter for her wedding. I went to my local branch and must have picked a day where I got the thickest person possible. This is what happened when I told her what I wanted to do:
Bank woman: Do you have internet banking?
Me: no. (Me, thinks to herself, well der, if I did why would I fucking come here to do a transfer)
Bank woman: $30 fee to do transfer
Bank woman: or $12 to do a bank cheque.
Me – I wanted it done electronically. I can write a cheque out anytime.
Bank woman: I could give you $ CASH and you could walk over and up to ANZ bank in Lavington.
Me: I might get mugged.
Me: here is the account number and BSB details
Bank: we need the address of the bank
Me: somewhere in Wodonga
Bank: have to have the street address. I could give you cash ….. blah blah
Me: I think I’ll just give my daughter a cheque after all.
(I now have internet banking.)
Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle 
I just tried to make an easy and convenient infernalnet banking transaction.
They wanted me to download their app which is atrociously rated for not working on playstore. So I split the transaction to get under the limit.
I had to do the TFA (tedious flatulent approval) but the phone was downstairs. Got back and the timer for my account access was on. Just click anywhere and find that you can’t enter the code or do anything but refresh the page which logs you out!
In the meaness of time, SWMBO departed cussing at my cussing at the joy of automatically generating so many opportunities to make an error on a simple transaction.
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Banks hey. A few years back, Mrs A and I walked into our local branch to pay off the mortgage, she received an inheritance and we chose to pump those repayments into super instead. The discussion that ensued was not much different to your battery operated experience with the bank employee.
Us: We’d like to pay off our mortgage please.
Bank person: OK, would you like to keep a few dollars like $10 there so that you have a redraw.
Us: No we’d like to pay it off.
Bank person: Are you sure,
Us: no we have $xk after an inherence so we don’t need it.
Bank person: OK we’ll need to make the arrangements etc. It will take a few days to draft the Discharge of Mortgage. It will cost this amount for us to register the dealing on title
Us: No I can do that (at the time I was at the then LPI most days and the organisation had a box)
Bank person: But it costs $x to register the dealing.
Me: No it doesn’t it costs half that amount.
Bank person: No it costs $x to register the dealing.
Me indignantly: NO it cost half that amount, I’m lodging dealings and titles most days there and I know how much it costs.
Bank person: (backing down) OK. Would you like us to hold onto the title for safe keeping.
Us: No we can do that!!
It was like they were on autopilot.
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They have a set response which can’t cope with anyone not agreeing with their point. At the NAB bank I wrote about things have changed. An extremely helpful Manager with whom I have a number of very satisfactory dealings where she actually sorted out the bank’s stuff ups coming from HO or outsourced stuff.
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To be fair they have been fairly good at the branch normally. I used to have my business accounts there as well and normally helpful, even a top up of the mortgage was fairly easy. It was just the discharge. Must have copped a wrongun spinning nonsense.
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Like I did.
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To be honest, our bank (one of the big three) is pretty good. I paid off the mortgage and stopped the subsequent payments by internet banking when I retired. I received an email a few days later asking me where i wanted the title sent. They transferred it to our solicitor at no cost.
I’ve taken over my mother’s finances. Unfortunately she banks with a credit union. Now they are bloody hopeless!
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I think the staff make the difference. People who care and like to do a good job and help people. But it is amazing the differences we’ve all encountered.
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I knew this was a nutty situation. I have two bank accounts. At the other, Hume Bank, I’d done transfers at the local branch. No charge either. But the money had to come from the NAB account. All the bank needed was the account number and BSB. I’d driven into town for nothing.
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Internet banking is one of the biggest game changers the world has seen since the Pill. It has changed our lives in Australia for sure, but the changes that have come about in developing nations especially in Asia and the Pacific has increased the standard of living for many especially women.
Love the photo, firstly I was puzzled by the fashions, but then saw the date on the plaque was 1972. Thanks for sharing.
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Love your photos.
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