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~ The Home Pub of the Famous Pink Drinks and Trotter's Ale

Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

Author Archives: Mark

11.5 Sandy Goes to Malice Brings

29 Monday Nov 2010

Posted by Mark in Mark

≈ 35 Comments

Tags

Australia, Father O'Way, humor, Sandy O'Way, science fiction

Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula

Hey, Sandy here. You know the Bish, Bishop bloody Bishop? Anyhoo, the Bish wants me to go to Malice Brings to investigate a major breaking story. A story about a  man that suffered minor injuries. If you scan the web for societies that protect people with minor injuries, you’ll find none.  This in-depth study shows a haunting sub class of people out there with minor injuries. Frankly, it’s scary.

Here’s my interview from my favourite Aunty, Aunt Verity Well.

FOW: So Aunt Well what’s happening?

Aunt Well:  Malice Brings police say an unyouthful  non woman has been hit by a car after trying to stop two unelderies  driving away with his vehicle.

FOW: Come on, lets get real? Just because someone wants to borrow your car, no reason to get upset. Just joking but cars are inanimate ain’t they? I know people aren’t. What injuries did this car attacking gerontic mammalian throwback receive?

Aunt Well: Police say the 78-year, yes they say 78 year a lot down the station, old non woman received injuries from the fall, well just a little bit, could even develop into minor.

FOW: Police say lots of things. 78 year old should have know better anyway if it gets to minor, press ‘ill be all over it, I mean now news is 24 seven, minor makes the news. As I said scary. Look where’s this non persons car whatever?

Aunt Well: The assumed thieves drove away but forsaken the car nearby.

FOW: It is an allegation not a fact however it was possibly neighbours or perhaps Home and Away. Anyhoo they are hardly going to drive it back and leave the keys on the front porch. Has anyone been arrested?

Aunt Well: Police have arrested two non males of the species who are expected to be charged later today.

FOW: Well lets see, expected to be charged rather than have been charged. They may also be charged especially once they get back home or if already charged then this would get them into further trouble as police hate people who are charged.

Sandy O’Way, Malice Brings.

Poll – Are polls useful?

24 Wednesday Nov 2010

Posted by Mark in Uncategorized

≈ 14 Comments

Belinda Goes Fruity

11.4 Life is a Volcano

22 Monday Nov 2010

Posted by Mark in Mark

≈ 22 Comments

Tags

Australia, cricket, Father O'Way, humor, Sandy O'Way, science fiction

The name’s O’Way, Sandy O’Way

Digital Mischief by Warrigal Mirriyuula

Hi, Sandy here. Yes you guessed it, I’m on a mission from Gordon, you known, Gordon O’Donnell, the creator of the universe. See Gordon and the Bish have sent me to Sumatra to investigate some island that decided to explode. I mean as if I know anything about exploding gas, well, Belinda might tell you different.

Luckily this time the Helvi-tastic has come with me as my body guard. Do I feel heartened? You would have to be zarking mad, listen to this,

“So Helvi, how’s life aboard the S.S. Julian II?” I ask given my disquietude for the crew had become worrisome.

“We are ready to fight, to kill and to die as martyrs” replies Helvi with her typical broad grin and than determined look that could kill at five metres. Scary stuff man.

“But Helvi who are we fighting?” I enquire with such rabid enthusiasm that watching cricket suddenly looks alluring. I go on “But Helvi, I think a volcano has erupted, who’s left to fight?” I plea.

“Sssssssssssssssaaannndddyyyyy, a warrior is always ready” replies Helvi in that voice that can scare the living shit out of anything. “I have both long range and hand held laser cannons, swords, star knifes, grenades and defence shields.” Does this woman come prepared or what?

So we land and are taken to the hardest hit region. There seems to be a lot of people running around, screaming and yelling “Watch out, Java is coming!” I mean what a time to have to update my computer, I hate it when this happens.

There is an army of folk and Red Cross volunteers trying to help people from zark knows where. I say to some bloke “Hey dude, where’s a good place to eat around here?” “Eat mate, what zarking planet have you been on?” he yells. “Well mate, I’ve been on lots of planets. This is Earth isn’t it? So where’s the zarking cricket mate?” I reply using my unctuous parish priest voice. “Cricket mate” the heavily armed bloke replies “We had to declare at 4 for 328 due to the zarking volcano, I’m personally shattered.” He’s opened up now. This is the real picture of living next to a live volcano. He continues “See I was on a fivefer[1], we had ‘em nailed, out guys would have got the runs easy.”

So guys there you have it. 328 runs on the board is a concern. The score defies the underlying principal of the universe being the average number of beans in a can of baked beans divided by  the final score of a cricket innings. Some things in space just never cease to amaze me.

[1] Fiverfer – an amalgamation of the word five and for, indicating that a bowler has taken five wickets in an innings.]

Jeff Healey

21 Sunday Nov 2010

Posted by Mark in Bands at the Pig's Arms

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Jeff Healey, music

Jeff Healey - vale

Pic: Thanks to en.wikipedia.org

Now here’s a guy that played the guitar very well in a very different way.

Jeff’s story:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Healey

Video Clip

Doing a Beatles or Harrison tune. Okay just joking, all right.

Should add this mp3, it’s a heartbreaker.

05 – The Jeff Healey Band – Angel Eyes

 

Seasick Steve

20 Saturday Nov 2010

Posted by Mark in Bands at the Pig's Arms, Mark

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

music, Seasick Steve

Doing what he does best

Hey. Hung here. A few weeks ago prior to my “sickness”, which lead to”hospital”,  full of “nurses” and you know Hells Hospital is a true fictional account of hospitals and nurses I forgot,  due to the stress of rubbing shoulders with Loreen,  to post about the request for Seasick Steve.

Seasick Steve was born a poor black American and saved up and had the operation, just like Mikey. No I jest. Steve is an American guy you plays the blues on guitar however his niche is that he tunes he guitar differently to standard tunings. Steves story can be found here,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasick_Steve

The video clip,

The mp3 as it has a better sound quality,

01 Started Out With Nothin’

The official site,

http://www.seasicksteve.com/

The t-shirt,

R.R.P. $9.95 – On Sale Nowhere

Hope you enjoy

Duck and Cover

19 Friday Nov 2010

Posted by Mark in Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

economics, Malcolm Turnbill

Still a wannabee....

 

 

Scrooge McTurnbull

“When times are hard and political progress seems even more difficult than usual, Malcolm returns to his roots and seeks refuge in a visit to his money. Obeying the age old laws of plutocracy, he dons the uniform common to his class and enters his vault. After reverently whispering the ritual invocation, “The way to make money is when there is blood running in the streets”, he discards the traditional duck lips and topper to more closely inspect one of his finer nuggets.

“Mmmmm”, says Malcolm, ” I wonder if you can get a Bentley ute”

Warrigal

11.3 Are you for real?

17 Wednesday Nov 2010

Posted by Mark in Mark

≈ 42 Comments

Tags

country drives, Father O'Way, humor, Sandy O'Way

The Bremer Valley

Writing. Is writing a skill or is it just a means of expressing ones thoughts? For example, is writing really a way of expressing one’s inner self?  Do you self talk? I do. I find it helps to have a good self talk. Yes, I ask myself all these painstaking questions. See I’m an inquisitive bastard when it comes to myself. So I say “Hey Sandy, what are you doin?” “Nothin much” I reply to myself. “Who ya gunna vote for?” “Dunno” “What ya havin for tea?” “Food, I suppose” I’ll reply with total disdain.

So yeah, I have deep and meaningful conversations with myself constantly. In fact it helps me pass the time. Time you ask? Time only occurs when there is motion. So I have this theory, lets just stop moving and we can all live forever. Right? Well maybe not and it goes without saying that this theory has some serious flaws. But who gives a zark, not this broken down parish priest. Anyhoo, that’s another story.

So writing is a group of letters that one strings together to form a sentence. But a sentence can also be a punishment, a verdict, a conviction and condemnation. So if I write a sentence am I condemning myself by verdict to convicted punishment? Gees arse, all these rules with words, this is worse than maths.

A day at the office with Hung One On

I’d like to tell you a story. A story of a country drive. For us city dwellers, the lovely Belinda and I, we need country drives, believe me, I mean I’m a priest after all.  So here goes…..

The valley stretched out before us, gradually disappearing into the distance that concluded with the looming mountain range. The sun was kind to us today as usually here in the deep south the summers are hot and dry. Today is cloudy and  rain is falling, gracing the ground with delicious nutrition for the soil.

The road, gravel of course, winds through the hills and vales crossing brooks trickling with water. Livestock dot the paddocks interrupted occasionally by crows and magpies searching for a feed of insects.

We pass numerous homesteads enwreathed by trees that provide both a windbreak and shade. Most have abundant outhouses and some farm machinery some of which are beyond their use by date.

We ascend to the top of the small mountain as the wind starts to lift. We stop and admire the 360 degree vista. We watch the rain clouds drift across the valley creating a patchwork quilt of colours and textures that stimulate the senses and purgers the soul. The wind and rain make us cold to the bone.

A vacant rotunda sits in the park. We dine under its protective roof on antipasti, dolmades, olives cheese and crusty bread. All washed down with a glass of wine. It doesn’t get any better than this. This should be everyday, should I wish for it to be my groundhog day?

Driving back home our colloquies diminish and we let the music stop on the CD player. This allows us to cherish the sounds of the rain and allow our senses to absorb the beautiful smell of water and dust and the birds. All of us enjoying the effects of the rain.

Our thoughts become reflective as we re-live our day, out in the country. We’re returning to the concrete jungle. The noise, the traffic and the congestion. This doesn’t mean it’s bad or wrong it’s just the countryside makes me feel so free and so open while the city closes me in.

The drive continues as we wind down through the hills and back to town. Other motorists are unaware of our relaxing trip and our connection with nature. The other motorists kept their aggressive driving styles while we idled through the streets in relax mode.

We return home to find nothing had changed except ourselves. Forever now, a memory of the Bremer Valley, the vista, the winding roads and the diverse  bird-life.

Life’s like that I guess!

Beach and the Video

16 Tuesday Nov 2010

Posted by Mark in Uncategorized

≈ 30 Comments

Tags

Beach, humor, Robin Hood

The Pigs Arms welcomes Mel

 

The Beach...

Sitting on the red sand, false hope at waves and shark sightings within my braggart persona. Finding my pants lack legs I stand and chase the elegant Harrods mirage to find nothing but a tree stump, chock of woodworm and a large egg with no hints as to origin or future hope of hatching. Shall I scramble? Shall I scamper? I sit and contemplate pants lacking legs and discuss my future with the woodworms, leaving the egg to rest in hope of becoming something new and big and slightly special.

 

Being warm I discovered the missing clothing appendage. I walked toward the big old green chair stolen from Le Cornu’s foyer and jumped aboard to enjoy the view, Wow, Atlantic Video within paces, think I just may, huge range of retro media. As I leap from the Le Cornu’s monument, I contemplate a name change due to massive overdue fines at every video store in sight upon boarding a Sea World helicopter. Yes, lucky I collected mail from all boxes at the stereotypical cream brick apartment block I call home. At once I settle on Nguyen Ng. Feeling lucky I carry heavy duty hair ties for faux slant eyes.

 

and the Video, courtesy http://www.starpulse.com

“Okay hero, I seek, Robin Hood Men in Tights, you have on your shelf?” “Sure, never seems to rent out longer than 15 minutes at a time” comes the reply. “Ah sooo – methinks it sounds too good, thank ye sir so much”.     Smile on face I loosen the hair, mmm, normal eyes, so Aryan, yet in a special red headed fashion.

The Royal VN Your Majesty...

Limping across the ochre terrain I locate my pants legs across the windscreen of the VN, well thank God, nothing worse than burning your hands on the plastic economy class steering wheel.

TTG at night, well sort of...pix fotosearch

On to Adelaide. Tea Tree Gully here I come, stun gun and clothesline at the ready. Hey how is it going matey? What do you what… stun gun. Clothesline confines the man to his faux leather home theatre lounge. Hey smarty, big tough man – feast your obnoxious brain on this. Sets the DVD player to repeat –“Nooo, surely my cells shall fry”. “That’s nothing shaghead – tomorrow I’m making you sit through the entire Wogs, Kings of Mykanos [sic]”. He he. Don’t mess with me boy Mel wins.

Mel Nov 2010

11.2 Sandy V’s Joke Hocknee

03 Wednesday Nov 2010

Posted by Mark in Mark

≈ 33 Comments

Tags

Australia, Father O'Way, humor, Pigs Arms, science fiction

Warrigal does Joe at the numbers game …

A bloke called Diogenes emerged from Greece! Hey, I just know, lately my nocturnal  operations provided quality? Really? Study the universe, virtual wisdom, xenophobic yawn, zark!

Hey! Shit man. What?  An alpha or betic or maybe even diabetic dream? Hmm, what’s going on ? Must be time to go back out into space. Jules, you know, the S.S. Julian II, my spaceship,  is hiding on the dark side of the moon. Hmm, good name for an album. Jules hates being spotted as a UFO by NASA and all those other space freaks that are looking for  life outside Earth. See Earth can’t join the space community because we are still too tribal. Jules says that there’s nothing worse than a redneck American farmer that says “Eye’s seeen a UFO”. Cause we all know that aliens and UFO’s only appear in front of redneck American farmers. Well, sort of.

Anyhoo, I’ve had a gutful of sports stars and the like so today I’m going to talk to shadow Finance Minister Joke Hocknee.  To make it easier to follow the interview  I’m gonna do the initials thing at the side.

FOW: So Joke, you are good with maths then?

JH: Yes Sandy, one plus one equals two or thereabouts. Just depends on the core lie/non core lie theory.

FOW: Yes, but Joke you must surely understand investment strategies, shares etc. that must have a long term positive effect for the Australian voting public?

JH: Yes Kerry, er, um, Sandy, if we juxtaposed the symbiosis of the syntax we can say that nothing is certain. Except for certainty.

FOW: You must be concerned at the dollar meeting parity with the Greenback?

JH: Yes Sandy, the Greenback whale is welcome in our waters at any stage. We are all for conversation.

FOW: Don’t you mean conservation?

JH: Yes, that too, what ever it is.

FOW: As shadow treasurer do you see your party being able to reign in the banks on interest rates?

JH: Absolutely Sandy. One word from the banks and we will do whatever they want.

FOW: So Joke, If I could grant you a wish, what would you like to see happen?

JH: Oh it’s easy Sandy. Work your guts out for nothing while your boss gets rich.

That’s all tonight from the Devon Hurty Report, I’m Sandy O’Way, Canberra.

Pig’s Legs Waxing and Beauty Salon

03 Wednesday Nov 2010

Posted by Mark in Warrigal Mirriyuula

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

beauty salon, humor

Beauty school was tough for Glenda and it took her a long time before she was able to successfully contour an eyebrow without injuring the client.

Warrigal’s Digital Mischief

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