• The Pig’s Arms
  • About
  • The Dump

Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

~ The Home Pub of the Famous Pink Drinks and Trotter's Ale

Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle

Author Archives: Therese Trouserzoff

Boat People. Not New. Never New, Suddenly Unacceptable

09 Monday Jul 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay

≈ 38 Comments

Tags

Boat-people, SS Oronsay, Tony Abbott

People have been coming to Australia in boats for tens of thousands of years.  Up until the last twenty years, there has been no problem about this.  Which, in itself is a problem.  Not that people should not be allowed to come to Australia by ship.  The fact that some short while ago, navigating to Australia suddenly became a selective process IS both a trivial and a terrible problem – simultaneously.

OK for some.  Apparently not OK for others.

Do you remember when the Australian navy dispatched a crew of brave sailors to the dangers of the Southern Ocean – to save a lone sailor.  Who was participating in an around-the-world race.  A bloody race !  For fun and for fame and money.  A bloody race.  Apparently it cost the Australian taxpayers several million dollars to fund the rescue.  Not the once did they perform the feat.  If memory serves me correctly, we also footed the bill and risked lives in rescuing the French woman Isabelle Autissier –  1,700 km south of Adelaide in 1995.  Footnote: This woman was also saved when she had another go at upside down sailing 3,100 km west of Cape Horn in 1998.  That time she was saved by a fellow competitor.

But rescuing sailors and others in trouble in Australian and international waters is both morally correct and what we are obliged to do under international maritime law.

So, it’s clearly OK for Australia to pick and choose who may come and how we treat them.

I would like to think that nearly everyone who makes the life and death trip to Australia – is welcome – especially in circumstances where this trip is no game.  When  people are fleeing certain persecution and death in their home countries, they are particularly welcome.

In fact we had a great track record welcoming such people to Australia – fleeing the hellish destruction of Europe in the Second World War, the civil War in Lebanon, the Vietnam War, the junta in Chile, famine AND war in Africa, War in Sri Lanka, War in the Middle East, War in Afghanistan.  Over and over and over.

John Howard said WE will decide who can come and under what circumstances.  He meant, “ONLY white people of whom I approve” can come.  The rest, we’ll fuck around like they count for nothing.  Disgraceful.

And his heir apparent has taken up the mantra.  WE will stop the boats.  We.  That’s you, Tony and your mates.  Not WE, but YOU !   Arsehole.

The SS Oronsay, 1951

After the Second World War, Australia was particularly accommodating to one class of economic refugee.  These were our Ten Pound Poms – former Prisoners of a devastated Mother England who paid the princely sum of ten quid as their contribution to the Australian government’s cost of shipping their sorry (but none-the-less welcome) arses out from Blighty in (as Gez has said) rather comfortable cruise ships.

As opposed to paying tens of thousands of dollars or kilos of gold to the (now deemed as the lowest life form) people smugglers for the dubious privilege of setting to sea in a massively overloaded fishing boat of dubious provenance with gunwales less than a foot above the drink – for the privilege of facing indefinite detention and possible deportation back to the disaster from which these refugees fled.

Now I think it’s reasonable to imagine that a former refugee might be quite sympathetic towards current refugees.   Say someone whose family had fled a ravaged England after the Second World War.  But not one particular chap whose family sailed on the SS Oronsay in 1960.

Who is that chap ?  Non other than our Leader of the Opposition.  Dr No.  One Tony Abbott – who has raised the bar on hypocrisy to an unimaginable height.

Still, Tony probably has a point.  When he arrived it was a Terra Nullius crying out for immigrants of all kinds.  But these days, after sixty years or so of generous immigration – Gordon O’Donnell, we even used to provide English classes back then – lifeboat Australia is suddenly discovered to be chockers.  Bulging at the seams, we have no other choice but to take a hard line and protect our borders from these almost piratical queue jumping scoundrels.  The 3% who attempt to sail in as opposed to the 97% who fly in and overstay their visas.

So, for saving us from more of his type, we should respond in kind and send Tony back to a post Thatcherite England – a place where he is bound to find a nation willing to embrace his values, speak his language and provide a climate as bleak as his spirit – or apparent lack thereof.

Tony Out NOW !

Python Songs

06 Friday Jul 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon, Bands at the Pig's Arms, Entertainment Upstairs

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

Monty Python, songs

Playlist by Algernon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zey8567bcg

The Lumber jack song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfGpVcdqeS0

Camelot song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_WRFJwGsbY

Philospher’s Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo

Always Look on the bright side of life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anwy2MPT5RE

Spam

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0kJHQpvgB8

Every Sperm is sacred

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm9GVfke0YY

Penis song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxVKtNkQAtw

Sit on My face

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlrsqGal64w&feature=fvst

Eric the half-a-bee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buqtdpuZxvk

Galaxy song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGWqtwhS2KY

Finland

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sor9GzivGbk

The Money song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04QoA44c23A

I like chinese

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vL8XYBo2gPQ

Europolice song contest

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4SJ0xR2_bQ

Tale of Sir Robin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uj7zi9Tp5s4

I bet they won’t play this song on the radio

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiVOG199X2c

The Lumber jack song (German)

THE ROLLING STONES – 50 YEARS

01 Sunday Jul 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

Rolling Stones

Playlist by Algernon

This year marks 50 years since the Rolling Stones formed. This list is a selection of singles that have been released over much of that time. There are many more, please feel free to add your favourite Rolling Stones.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M91uWDUeYX0

Little Red Rooster

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzZHmHqEE7k

The Last time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6Ts8XS_UO4&feature=related

I can’t get No satisfaction

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgWUi-ozMAU

Get of My Cloud

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPVUa29kHu8

Paint it black

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DVCgKsqn30

Ruby Tuesday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9XKVTNs1g4

Jumping Jack Flash

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e1_K-JDfOk

Honky Tonk Women

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBecM3CQVD8

Sympathy for the Devil

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx07A9LWBJA

Brown sugar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMkFjYRWM4M

Angie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMuGvaIntRA

Miss You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XW4DPIBO5OU

Start Me Up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOkIU8BCxgU

Harlem Shuffle

 

 

The Late Great Aussie Moore – Chapter 3 Eureka Days

28 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Neville Cole

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Ballarat, Eureka, gold mining

The Diggings

By Neville Cole

The beautiful English home on the hill that had been my grandfather’s pride and joy was gone. All that remained was the stone hearth and chimney that my father rebuilt and tended to as if it were my mother’s earthly tomb. The years that followed, my brothers recalled, were unrelentingly difficult without a hint of a woman’s touch. Although my father still had money remaining from his father’s glorious golden days, we, his kin, lived as feral outcasts in a one-room miner’s shack by the tapped out stream at the bottom of the hill. My father brought a goat to replace the mother’s milk my colicky lungs cried out for and later he purchased a few hundred head of sheep and turned my brothers into unwilling shepherds. The parties, gaiety, and gatherings of neighbours ceased and we became known collectively as the “wild Moores of Ballarat.”

My father turned quickly to drink as his only consolation. His chief bursts of productivity coming once a year at shearing time when he worked almost around the clock until all the wool had been clipped and bagged. Then he would be gone, sometimes for weeks at a time, to Melbourne to sell his measly wares for the best price he could muster. But later, on quiet evenings in the shack, before the spirits turned his heart as dark and cold as a mid-winter storm, he would tell us stories of his father Samuel, the lucky Moore from Kilmarnock.

Kilmarnock

 “Your grandfather came from the land of Robert Burns and Walker’s Kilmarnock Whisky,” he would always start as if the jug in his hand was drawing the story from the depths of his soul. He was the luckiest man who ever lived,” he would add with the bitterest of smiles. “He turned his back on the land of the true Moores and laid plans to come to this godforsaken plot as soon word of Edward Hargraves’ find at Ophir spread across the globe. Of course, by the time he made it to these shores, Ballarat was the center of the universe and the lure of golden riches drew him here as surely as the sun holds us all in orbit. He was barely twenty years at the time with little education and no discernable skills but he soon learned he had a nose for gold to go along with his limitless yearning for adventure. He was also the unsung hero of the Eureka stockade, lost to history, but were it not for your grandfather we may not be now be living in a free Australia. For you see, it was your grandfather who saved the life of one Peter Lalor.”

How my grandfather Samuel came to the rescue of the first outlaw to make it to parliament is a story of reckless bravery and frankly impossible luck. It all began soon after his arrival when he fell in, quite literally, with another young Scottish miner named James Scobie. The two met, as most miners do, at a hotel when Samuel stepped between James and the hotel’s proprietor, a Mr. Bentley, during a confrontation over an apparently unpaid tab. Samuel was knocked unconscious and woke up later outside in the dirt being tended to by a grateful James Scobie. Now you may think that was a rather unlucky beginning to what I proposed was a story of remarkable luck; but taking a billy club for a stranger can tend to forge a quick friendship and James and Samuel became mining partners shortly thereafter and thus my grandfather began his trek down the often hazardous path of the gold miner in earnest.

James Scobie was a fine miner but as pig-headed as the day is long. He and Samuel continued to frequent the Eureka despite the constant threat of bodily harm from Mr. Bentley. As the months and years passed, Samuel began to suspect that the reason for their almost nightly visits to the Eureka was due to more than just a taste for whiskey and rum; he noted that James attentions often fell upon the proprietor’s comely wife, Catherine. These attentions, Samuel recognized most likely accounted for Mr. Bentley’s simmering fury every time this usually free spending and frankly mostly trouble-free customer walked through his doors.

Lucky for him, Samuel was not with James as he wandered past the Eureka hotel during the early morning of October 6, 1854. If he did it is quite possible he too would have been found face down in the dirt with a fatal battleaxe wound to his head. Samuel attended the hasty trial that took place that very afternoon when the local magistrate acquitted Mr. Bentley for lack of evidence, even though witnesses saw Mr. Bentley on the street with three other men and a woman at the time of the murder. It was noted that a woman, believed to be Catherine, was heard to exclaim “how dare you break my window.” It would not be until many years later that Samuel would wonder just what caused James Scobie to break Catherine Bentley’s window at two o’clock in the morning. At the time of the trial all he could think of was revenging his good friend’s death.

It was Samuel that took the lead ten days later when a reported 10,000 miners took to the streets and burned down the Eureka hotel while James and Catherine Bentley fled for their lives. Again, due mostly to luck and partly to his quiet, unassuming nature, Samuel was not among the nine miners arrested over the next few days for starting the fire.

The miner’s anger turn quickly to political revolt and Samuel too was present at Bakery Hill to vote in the resolution “that it is the inalienable right of every citizen to have a voice in making the laws he is called on to obey, that taxation without representation is tyranny“. The group also resolved that day to secede from the United Kingdom if the situation did not improve.

The mood of the Ballarat miners reached its feverous peak on 16 November 1854 when Governor Hotham appointed a Royal Commission on goldfields problems and grievances. But as history has shown us, authority rarely bows out of a bad situation gracefully and Commissioner Rede’s response the governor was to ignore the grievances and instead increase the police presence in the gold fields and summon reinforcements from Melbourne.

The Oath

How Samuel avoided arrest and death during those revolutionary days can only be attributed to pure luck. After all, he was one of the first of the miner’s to pledge open rebellion and burn his mining license and he was among the mob that surrounded arresting officers conducting a license search the very next day. He was present at the unfurling of the rebel Eureka Flag and part of the mob who swore the oath of allegiance to it. “We swear,” they spoke as one, “by the Southern Cross to stand truly by each other and fight to defend our rights and liberties.”

Eureka Stockade

The tragic events of the battle of the stockade have been well documented; it is now known how what had at one time been a force of 1700 men dwindled to a mere 150 miners on December 3rd, 1854 when most of the miners at the stockade returned to their tents under the assumption that the Queen’s military forces would not be sent to attack on the Sabbath.

Samuel was one of the 150 who remained when a party of 276 police and military personnel under the command of Captain J.W. Thomas approached the Eureka Stockade and a battle ensued. The ramshackle army of miners was hopelessly outclassed by the well-trained military regiment and was routed in about 10 minutes. But it is his actions during that 10 minute battle for which Samuel ought to be legend; for it was he who hid Lalor, arm shattered by musketshot, under a pile of timbers. Samuel then somehow managed to stay nearby undetected while the victors removed the dead from the stockade. He could see blood trickling from beneath the pile of slabs where he had Lalor hid; but while soldiers, keen to capture Lalor were still in the stockade, Samuel dared not make a move. That is, until the last of soldiers had left. Then he quickly stepped back into the fray and smuggled Lalor away, put him on a horse, and sent him off to eventual safety.

Now, I’m not here to pretend that it was an easy escape for Lalor. We all know well that over the following weeks he had to survive several near captures and undergo two amputations before he would be truly free; but the fact remains that, without my grandfather, Samuel Moore, he never would have survived the stockade. Without my grandfather, Samuel Moore, the near 50 year trudge to independence that followed would have surely been without one of its most passionate and influential leaders. For the lucky Moore from Kilmarnock it was just one of a hundred such times during which he tempted fate and won. If only my own father had just one tenth of his father’s good fortune my early life would have been quite different indeed. Then again, perhaps luck, like many other genetic traits, tends from time to time to skip a generation.

Blue-Eyed Soul

22 Friday Jun 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon

≈ 22 Comments

Tags

blue-eyed soul, play list

Playlist by Algernon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEkB-VQviLI

You’ve lost that loving Feeling – The Righteous Brothers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oy625sZAHN8

Good Lovin’-The Rascals

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-7QSMyz5rg

Green Onions –Booker T & the MG’s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MK8F5BHvgE

Gimme Some Lovin – The Spencer Davis Group

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUFxj59Fa9o

What is Hip-Tower of Power

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65EoK4OelZU

Lowdown – Boz Scaggs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSHY1_ux8rs

Young Americans – David Bowie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRgr9h2iO40

Sara Smile – Hall & Oates

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvmpfTQTbZY

Cut the Cake – Average White Band

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVzAH0FtNwg

Church of the poison mind – Culture Club

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlCCva6rr-s

Speak like a child – The Style Council

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7E2a3efr3w

Missionary Man – Eurythmics

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yG07WSu7Q9w

Holding Back the years – Simply Red

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua_ODg0FmzQ

Mel Torme – Comin Home Baby

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCkm1ZAQQPY

Footie – Wigan’s chosen Few

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp4339EbVn8

Son of a Preacher Man – Dusty Springfield

The Great Aussie Moore Chapter Two: The Fire

22 Friday Jun 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Neville Cole

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

1901 fire, Aussie Moore

 

Melbourne before the storm

By Neville Cole

The summer of 1901 was unreasonably hot and windy and, though I need not add this, excessively dry. This was especially difficult on my slowly recovering mother. Doctor Lockett did finally arrive on the morning of my birth to attend to my mother. He praised Mr. Webb for his surgical efforts but nevertheless administered a dose of opiate and did what he could to clean the wound and stop the bleeding. He wanted to have my mother moved to the new hospital in town but she would not hear of leaving her family and instead my father hired a Chinese nursemaid from the goldfields who was known for working miracles with injured miners.

I, of course, was too young to remember any of this – being but a mewling and puking babe at the time – but during a recent visit the State Library in Melbourne I happened upon some articles written over the summer of my birth.

HEAT AND GALES the headline read and DUST STORM IN THE CITY; but the one that struck the clearest chord simply noted LOSS OF LIFE AND PROPERTY.

The Argus scribe wrote on February 7th, 1901 that shortly after 6 o’clock “one of the most violent dust storms that has ever been experienced in Melbourne swept over the city, and came as a fitting climax to a day of almost unprecedented heat.” He described the “rushing, mighty wind” as seemingly “converting the city into a gigantic railway train, rushing with headlong speed into a tunnel.” He also wrote that storm formed an “impenetrable grey wall causing vehicles to come to a standstill, and that the trams, after endeavoring to maintain snail’s pace motion amid the incessant clanging of warning bells, finally gave up the attempt”. But perhaps the most telling description I read pointed to the fates of innocent bystanders caught up in this furious whirlwind: “Luckless pedestrians clutched their hats and made for the nearest portico or doorstep, or clung to verandah-posts, burying their faces in their hands to escape the blinding cloud of dust and pebbles. The tornado swept through the metropolis in a few minutes, warning messages of its approach being sent over telegraph wires from places it had just left, though, as a rule, the recipients had no time to make use of the warning given to them.

1901 fire

Melbourne was smothered by dust that day but spared the flame. We country folk were not so lucky. We had not only hurricane force wind and dust but also faced fires travelling at a terrific rate in front of that wind. Account after account in the Argus noted the devastation.

In Lower Byeduk, for example, “three houses alone stood out of the original fifteen. Nothing was saved, not a stick of furniture, and women and children, who had dashed out of their houses, just in time to save their lives had to stand by and see a mass of flame lick up their houses. People,” he went on, “with clothing burning, rushed to the creeks and dams, and many stood therein, while with hurricane force and cyclonic speed the fire swept past them actually singing their hair.”

While engaged in the act of reading these accounts I could not help but to imagine my dear mother, still partially invalid from the trauma of my birth sitting by me in my cot trying to formulate an escape from the fiery darkness that raced toward her like a headlong train.

No one ever told me an exact account of that day; but from snippets I did take in it appears that even in the days leading up to the great fire my father was often heard to curse his own father’s name. “Who but an arrogant fool,” he was said to exclaim, “would build his house on a hill instead of next to a cool and comforting stream?” What man would rather watch over his dominion than allow his family to live in comfort and safety?”

All of which is to explain why my father and my two young brothers were down by the creek in the heat of the day on February 7th. They were gathering water to cool my mother’s brow. The flames I am told blew up suddenly and without warning from the valley behind our house. By the time, my father even saw the smoke, the wind and dust was on top us and we were blanketed within that impenetrable wall of grey. It is not known what took place inside the house and I certainly don’t recall a thing but, as my brother told it, my father took off toward the flame but became disoriented in the wind and dust; and then, when the storm had passed as quickly as it arrived, out of the maelstrom staggered the Chinese nursemaid clutching me to her yellow breast.

My brother’s watch in silent horror as my father ripped me from her grip and beat her to the ground with back of his free hand. The Chinese girl, Clarry once whispered, managed to heft herself to her feet and ran off into the falling ash that was already decorating the plain like some snowy English Christmas scene. Like my mother, the Chinese girl was never seen and rarely spoken of again.

 

Here to Help

17 Sunday Jun 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Emmjay, Politics in the Pig's Arms

≈ 19 Comments

Tags

Archbishop Jensen, arsonists, Cardinal Pell, Chris Uhlmann, crown of thorns starfish, Fatty O'Barrel, Gina Rhinestone, Humboldt Numan, James Packer, Joe Hockey, Julie Bishop, Mark Scott, Nick Darcy, paedophiles, people who abuse small animals, rabbits, Sarah Palin, shock jocks, Silvio Berlusconi, Sophie Mirabella, Ted Baillieu, the Burmese military junta, Tony Abbott, Tony Jones

Quite a few patrons at the Pig’s Arms complain about the ABC’s “The Drum” closing off comments so quickly after an article has been posted, that they cannot get a comment in.

In the spirit of co-operation championed at the Salon de Porc, herewith is a viable solution.  Copy it into your clipboard and fire it off BEFORE the article is published – or use it on any of the remaining open posts there.

I’ve seen some seriously dubious positions put here at the Drum in my time, but surely (insert author’s name if you have time), this one takes the cake.  Never before have we been treated to such an unmitigated neo-fascist rant, completely devoid of substantive evidence and totally without cogent argument.  It would be funny except it clearly wasn’t intended as a joke.

To suggest that even the fundamental premise  of the article (if in fact one can be identified) has any validity, demonstrates a woefully inadequate understanding of social etiquette and the physical laws of our universe.

I abhor ad-hominum attacks and such disgraceful behaviour must not be tolerated. 

Sadly the era of burning people like  (insert appropriate name or remove any of the following that do not apply) James Packer, Tony Jones, Sophie Mirabella, Tony Abbott, Joe Hockey, Fatty O’Barrel, Humboldt Numan, Ted Baillieu, Sarah Palin, Nick Darcy, Gina Rhinestone, the Burmese military junta, Julie Bishop, Cardinal Pell, Archbishop Jensen, Silvio Berlusconi, people who abuse small animals, crown of thorns starfish, rabbits, arsonists, paedophiles, shock jocks, Mark Scott, Chris Uhlmann at the stake is over.

Such is what we laughingly call progress.

—ooo—

Hope this helps !

 

 

The Nature of Co-operation

17 Sunday Jun 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Lehan Winifred Ramsay

≈ 32 Comments

Tags

Japan's nuclear reactor restart

Story by Lehan Winifred Ramsay

Well, there you have it. Two salons, one with the hamburger lunch, one with milk tea and cream, in two different towns. And they have one problem to resolve. Should we restart the nuclear reactors? Or not. As you can see, it’s not an easy co-operation. But that’s the nature of co-operation.

 

Songs from the States Part 1

17 Sunday Jun 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Algernon

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

music clips, USA

Playlist by Algernon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHsDa9_HSlA

Sweet Home Alabama- Lynyrd Skynyrd

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSt0NEESrUA

North to Alaska

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhdiSqt6sXE

Arizona – Mark Lindsay

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIrqs-FUPbo

Arkansas Grass – Axiom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dN3GbF9Bx6E

California Dreamin’ – The Mamas & The Papas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPpnvNlywP8

Colarado – The Flying Burrito Brothers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJIauO3PROI

I live in Connecticut –Aerosmith

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NztfOSyCCFM

Delaware – Perry Como

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9Benryvvqo

Mainline Florida – Eric Clapton

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnepPZChA5U&feature=fvst

The Devil Went down to Georgia – Charlie Daniels Band

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hobnB9PPPo

Hawaii – The Beach Boys

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7t7cGwN7_0

Private Idaho – The B52’s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u05eH6cYRSI

Illinois – Dan Fogelberg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsWohOShiqs

Indiana – Jon McLaughlin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqHgZhLLTc0

Iowa – Dar williams

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB17uWuBrL0

Carry On Wayward Son – Kansas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-v38lbPNZs

Kentucky Rain – Elvis Presley

The Great Aussie Moore – Chapter 1 Victor Australis

15 Friday Jun 2012

Posted by Therese Trouserzoff in Neville Cole

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

1901, Aussie, Australian Federation, Ballarat, goldfields

 

Fossickers

By Neville Cole

My mother always had a rare sense of timing. She passed away last year on my birthday. Instead of celebrating another year around the sun with my friends, I travelled back to Melbourne to organize her funeral and take care of her affairs. It was all fairly straight-forward until it came time to go through her stuff. The house where she passed was filled to overflowing with the assorted flotsam and jetsam of a long and disorganized life.

Sadly, most everything I came across was destined for a quick trip to the local tip. I was beginning to think that I should save myself a considerable effort and toss it all, until deep down in a box pile of ancient papers, I started to discover bits and pieces of a jumbled handwritten manuscript entitled Victor Australis that appeared to have been written by a long-lost Great Uncle named Aussie Moore.

I knew my Great Uncle Clarry well. He was a legendary figure around Kilmore, the town my mother grew up in. One of many famous Clarry Moore tales was that on his 82nd birthday the family purchased him a table saw so that he could put a new roof on his barn. He completed the task by himself in less than a week. I knew all about Clarry and Grandpa Dot; but until I came across Victor Australis, I had never heard of Aussie Moore. It was if he had been banished from the Moore family records.

Victor Australis is a rambling and outrageous account of a very strange life. Many events are described in exhausting detail then whole decades disappear without a trace. Much of he describes is too coincidental to be true, while other parts of his life story are clearly historical fact. In his own words, Aussie Moore was one of the “first true Australians” as he was born during the early hours of January 1st, 1901: the day Australia became an independent federation.

Ever since I picked up Victor Australis I have haven’t been able to set it back down for long; which is why I have decided to write out Aussie’s tales out in some kind of a logical order and bring them to the world. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you the late, great Aussie Moore!

NOTE: The section of italic text that follows I believe to be the opening paragraph of Aussie’s autobiography. I have tried to capture his idiosyncratic phrasing exactly as he laid them to paper; but, truth be told, some of these pages have been pretty severely damaged by the ravages of time and in places I was forced to make my own best guess as to what had been once been intended.

I was born into trouble and it has followed close at me heels throughout my entire life. I have done too many things to remember them all, seen much more than even that, and just to have survived this long I consider myself a fortunate fellow indeed. I was born in an Englishman’s house high on a hill overlooking the rich goldfields of Ballarat. The morning of my birth was the first morning of the new Australian federation, which makes me one of the first true Australians, the first of the Aussies. I don’t count in this group any of the many indigenous peoples who have inhabited the great southern land as they all predate terra australis by centuries at least. I don’t remember any of the particulars of my birth. Which isn’t unusual, I suppose. In fact, any man who says he does remember that time of his life is a damned liar at best and at worst a devil in the flesh.

I was, quite naturally, told stories of that morning by others from time to time. However, never by my own father, Duncan Robert Moore, for reasons I will reveal at a later time.

Ballarat – the town where Aussie was born

At the dawn of 1901, Ballarat was a town still thriving from sale of gold. It was a town with a thick rough edge and a tough, unforgiving, and almost unimaginably wealthy center. It was a town still driven by the Eureka spirit. My father was far more proud of Australia’s hard fought federation than my arrival. In fact, on more than one occasion he informed me that it was always his intention that I would be a daughter – a gift from him to my mother for her hard toil over the years. My name had already been chosen. I was to be Victoria Australis Moore. When it was clear that a nob and two bollocks hung between my thighs, my parents removed the last two letters of my first given name and I became Victor Australis Moore – forever after known simply as Aussie. But getting my name changed is the least memorable part of this story.

You see, as was customary on the last night of each year, my father spent a good part of New Years Eve, 1900 drinking heavily with good friends and neighbours and, only after midnight passed and it became obvious that I would wait no longer, did he send his guests home and my brother Clarry to fetch the local mid-wife. She arrived none too soon and immediately saw my mother was in grave danger as I was well on my way to coming out breach. There was no time now to fetch the doctor so, as the mid-wife did what she could to make my mother comfortable, my father staggered to his horse and galloped off to fetch Mr. Webb, a local horse breeder who had experience with various animal surgeries. Mr. Webb by all accounts had also been partaking in a long evening of revels and, perhaps because of this, made the immediate decision that I must be delivered in the manner of the great Caesar himself. He administered a gulping gut full of rum down my mother’s gullet then proceeded to quickly and skillfully slit her belly and tear me screaming from her womb.

My oldest brother, Clarry watched the whole ordeal in utter fascination, and later would recount the horrible episode to me late at night causing me to suffer from a lifetime of sleep shattering nightmares. Clarry never failed to mention that Mr. Webb sowed my mother’s belly back together “like a seamstress at her loom using naught but dried sheep intestines that had been soaked in spirits”. Such was my coming in and such has been my path ever since.

 —ooo—

← Older posts
Newer posts →

Patrons Posts

  • Nothing Should Re: Tardis October 16, 2026
  • Apollo Mission 1 October 5, 2026
  • Good Luck With That – Space Travel and How Boring It Really Is October 2, 2026
  • Further O’Way September 21, 2026
  • The Middle Ages September 15, 2026
  • The Early Days September 14, 2026
  • One More Mile August 31, 2026
  • God versus Satan August 24, 2026
  • Man on the Street August 21, 2026

We've been hit...

  • 873,866 times

Blogroll

  • atomou the Greek philosopher and the ancient Greek stage
  • Crikey
  • Gerard & Helvi Oosterman
  • Hello World Walk along with Me
  • Hungs World
  • Lehan Winifred Ramsay
  • Neville Cole
  • Politics 101
  • Sandshoe
  • the political sword

We've been hit...

  • 873,866 times

Patrons Posts

  • Nothing Should Re: Tardis October 16, 2026
  • Apollo Mission 1 October 5, 2026
  • Good Luck With That – Space Travel and How Boring It Really Is October 2, 2026
  • Further O’Way September 21, 2026
  • The Middle Ages September 15, 2026
  • The Early Days September 14, 2026
  • One More Mile August 31, 2026
  • God versus Satan August 24, 2026
  • Man on the Street August 21, 2026

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 370 other subscribers

Rooms athe Pigs Arms

The Old Stuff

  • RSS - Posts
  • RSS - Comments

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 370 other subscribers

Archives

Website Powered by WordPress.com.

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle
    Join 276 other subscribers

    Have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.

  • Window Dresser's Arms, Pig & Whistle
    View site in Reader
    Manage subscriptionsSign upLog in
    Report this content
    Collapse this bar
Loading Comments...